Smashmouth Gazette

An Obvious Solution To A Serious Problem.
Scribbles Snavely - 1/6/2024
I think we can all agree that this season has been a shitshow already in regard to officiating in the NFL. Human error is baked into this aspect of all sports. Bad calls happen. So do bad actions by players in all sports. Professional athletes pay a lot of money in fines every season for their ill-reasoned decisions. That is somewhat fair, although the superstars usually get off easier than the rank and file guys.

The Refs in the NFL are not full-time employees. This is a part-time job. Really? The NFL is a Quatrillion Dollar industry. Are you seriously telling me that the folks in charge of deciding the fates of these heavily invested franchises rely on guys that might care more about their position as an assistant manager at Arby's? WTF!!??

I am by far not the smartest human on the planet, or even in my own home and I fucking live alone with stuffies. That said I cannot fathom why this has not been resolved in the only way that makes any fucking sense. Create a highly paid position within the extremely lucrative NFL Corporation known as "Professional Referee". Make this financially attractive enough to create a workforce of said professionals that would take the job way more seriously than the chuckleheads we are currently dealing with. Then we could enforce penalties on refs that make egregiously horrible calls. You get what ya pay for, and if the Hocukli family sees this as a side hustle well there ya go.

Pay these motherfuckers. Make it a thing. Give them endorsement deals. Make them fucking famous. What we need is way more scrutiny. More transparency and accountability.
You only get as much give a fuck as you pay for you sorry sick bloated-ass NFL owners that are currently ruining the game. Pull up your 1000 count Egyptian cotton panties and treat the refs as full-on participants. Or just let what are essentially scabs continue to have an over-powered effect on our fan experience and your financial investments. Duh.

Oh Boy!
Scribbles Snavely - 12/23/2023
Wait a minute. Two Scribbles in one day? Is that even possible? Is it legal? I figure that in a world that has grown increasingly dark, violent stupid and insane, the least I can do is provide good-natured entertainment when and where I can. We are living through an era where genocide is accepted as "self-defense", and a so-called "professional" athlete (aka Aaron Rodgers) can tank an already irrelevant franchise with his self-serving antics. Flag-happy officials have decided that they alone should determine the outcome of games and a single TE's girlfriend grosses more money than the GDP of most countries in the world. Other than random musings by a mostly delusional Scribe, what do we have to live for? Well yea porn and for some misguided souls, Hallmark holiday movies. Think of this as my version of a light-hearted stepsibling ass to mouth yuletide rom-com. As Rupert the Big-Dicked Demon would say: "It's a naked slutty Santa jizzfest mosh pit, people! Jump right in!

Still here? Wow. I admire your fortitude while questioning your morals. What a bunch of sick fucks. Here we go then.

#10 Bigfoots at #7 Gamblers:
In a scene reminiscent of Godzilla vs. Bambi, the Bigfeets stomped(see what I did there?) all over the hapless Maulers last week and didn't have the decency to even feel a bit bad about it. Shameful. This week they face a stiffer, even possibly fully erect opponent depending on the efficacy of generic Viagra. What cums around goes around. Way back in Week 3, when Isaiah Pacheco was still a thing, Jeremy had no trouble trouncing Keith soundly. The smart money is on a repeat of that despite the Gamblers' roster featuring 7 horrible RBs.

#9 Bass at #8 Blast:
We all knew it would come down to this. Billy vying for his 17th Loser Bowl crown. As inevitable as global warming and trailer-park overdoses, here we have it. After winning four games in a row, the Blast strategically paid the referees to flag them 28 times for 267 yards in their "loss" to the Maulers to finish the season, luring Joe into a sense of complacency. This is why he rules. There is less suspense here than in a Jerry Lawler vs. Andy Kaufman rematch. Just give him the fucking belt already.

#12 Dynasty at #11 Maulers:
The Who Gives a Fuck Bowl, sponsored by MyPillow and FTX. I don't think even naked cheerleaders servicing donkeys at midfield during half-time could generate interest in this sad spectacle. There's always next year. Well, for Sean at least.

#3 Suits at #2 Bruins:
Now we're talking! A real contest between teams that don't suck a big bag of dicks. Alex has proven to be a fierce competitor this season and rightly finds himself a win away from the fucking Super Bowl. How awesome is that? We can fully expect Keith and Sean to conspire to overhaul the rules and scoring systems to prevent a second year Owner from doing better than them ever again. Not only is Zach an Oscar Award nominated director he has become a true powerhouse in Fantasy Football. Is there anything this man cannot do, aside from saving superhero movies from being less fun than explosive diarrhea? We now expect both of those things to be shitty. In Week 6, the Gorillas went apeshit(See what I did there?) and destroyed the Bruins 109 to 46, thus ending the debate over King Kong vs. Cocaine Grizzly forever. That said, this is the Play-offs and Zach is a two-time Champion.
He's not gonna just lay there and take it like Penny trying to get a chance to reprise her role in "Serial Apeist 3". We all live for epic battles like this.

#6 Mao at #4 Thunder:
Both of these teams should be commended for awesome seasons, although one could postulate that Eric had a slightly easier path to this point in winning the Bifrost Division as the only team with a winning record. It didn't hurt that he also had the second-lowest PA this year. Dat had no problem defeating the Thunder in Week 11 and hope to repeat that feat. As far as consolation games go this is a pretty decent one all said. Good job guys!

AND NOW FOR THE BIG DOOR PRIZE!!!.....

#5 BLACK Surt, clearly a DARK horse(See what I did there?) at #1 Centre:
You want to know how to become a repeat Champion? Simple. Score the most points and simultaneously have the least scored against you. Stu is clearly a genius as well as a fucking awesome theramin player. Way back in 2008, Dave entered the League as the Gridiron Rush and promptly finished 12th, as all newbies should. He continued to pretty much blow until managing to place 7th in 2014. Then in 2017 he had an identity crisis and finished 11th as the Un-Named. That seemed to do the trick and as a newly monikered Black Surt he nearly made the Super Bowl in 2019. Could he pull off an amazing upset and somehow make it all the way this year? Stu is a truly formidable foe, so this is an uphill battle. I would say this the best gift Fantasy Football enthusiasts could ask for, aside from a Tantaly doll of course. Go ahead, Google that I dare ya!

That wraps things up for now! Love to you and yours my friends.

Of Course the Season Ends With...Poetry? What?
Scribbles Snavely - 12/23/2023
Choices

Every journey is just a series
Of small steps
That lead us to our
Inevitable fate

Two things are true:
We are born and
We die
Everything else is up for grabs

Many people have claimed to know
why and what happens in between
Maybe they are wrong
Maybe they are right
Who am I to say?

I've known love
And I live with sorrow
I can attest that both
are real

I recommend that you
embrace the former
and avoid the latter
I'm just sayin'

Our time here is short
Choose wisely how you spend
That most precious commodity

Don't end up sad
Don't end up alone like me
If such a Fate
Can be avoided

Happy Holidays!
Good luck to all.
I love you.

Scribbles

Play-Offs? PLAY-OFFS!! PLAY-OFFS!?!? We're NOT TALKING PLAY-OFFS!!
Scribbles Snavely - 12/17/2023
Oh, ok I guess we are. Sorry about that. It has been a long week at work and I am rather mentally and physically drained, but it's nothing an Advil and a healthy helping of cold beverages can't fix. My job has kinda begun to suck. We have had a major overhaul in our salaried manager staff, and the new crew sucks huge bags of dicks and not in the fun way. My Cheese Monger was promoted to Cheese Master at another store, and I am thrilled for her but it's not good for me. Then this week the idiots drove off our beloved Deli Manager who is an amazing young lady that worked herself literally into exhaustion for our team and the store. She has been in the fucking hospital twice for walking pneumonia fer crissakes. Losing her has hit me hard as we were a tight team, and I would do anything for her. I am feeling abandoned although I am happy for both of them. This is the busiest time of the year, and I am trying to do 80 hours' worth of production by myself.

Much like my erstwhile Steelers I am flailing a bit. Unlike them, I am actually succeeding, despite a hardware failure in the scale I need to use to tag the cheese I cut and wrap. This means I have to cut and wrap my cheeses and then transport them to the deli to tag. Yea, good times. I know it's called work for a reason, and every job has challenges. I still love what I do, but a good chunk of the joy I used to feel has been sucked away. I even reached out to Scott to ask him about how things are at Whole Foods. He stopped working there back in February he told me but did say that it is a decent place to work. It was good to talk to him and I updated him on how things have been shaking out in Ragnarok this year. I sure miss that guy.

I have learned the hard way that change is gonna happen whether you want it to or not and let's be honest: Most of us are not thrilled when the ground shifts beneath our feet. I function best with a set routine that I can rely on and base my decisions upon. Fortunately, my many years in the food service business have taught me that you need to be able to adapt quickly when shit goes south. Or you need to bail. I also had to grasp that the people you meet and fight with in the trenches are not going to be there with you forever and you can only let them get so close. That was a hard lesson for me. This is the end of an important era in my life, but hopefully it means that an exciting new chapter is about to begin. We shall see.

Ok enough about me, let's see what you fuckers are up to in the Glorious Ragnarok Play-Offs shall we?

Koo Dynasty(#12) at Fowl Mouth Bass(#9):
I would rather not probe too deeply into Sean's psyche as I suspect I might stumble into some rather disturbing tentacle porn fetishes, but I would speculate that if he has one goal left in his miserable fantasy season it would be this: I must finish better than the fucking Maulers. Anything less would be a humiliating result that could send Sean into a downward spiral of crack hookers and cheap sake. The last thing Ragnarok needs is an Asian version of Charlie Sheen in our midst. We already have to deal with Kent. Joe has had an odd season. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't all that great either. As go the Bills....yaddayaddayadda.

Valhalla Maulers(#11) vs. Interdimensional Bigfoots(#10):
It is hard to believe that the first major interaction between Keith and Kent occurred way back on March 26th, 1992 when they attended the Metallica Black Album tour at the newly refurbished Greensboro Coliseum. The show was done in the round and it fucking kicked all the ass. The rest is barely remembered history. Fast forward to now and they are squaring off to salvage whatever they can from a harsh season in the unforgiving realm of the very fucking best fantasy League ever forever. Win or lose, what matters is how much this has been a part of all of our lives for so long.

What these four teams have lurking in the back of their minds is that Billy awaits. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Enough about these pathetic losers scrambling for scraps of dignity from the trash heap of the dick-gobblers play-offs. Let's examine the exalted true majesty of the Real Play-Offs!

Chaiman Mao(#6) vs. Gorilla Suits(#3):
Dat has already defeated Alex twice this season, the first time in a total blow-out in Week 3 when they nearly doubled the score and posted a hundred burger. Week 13 was a very different story as they barely squeaked out a 3-point victory. Just the fact that these two guys are in the hunt is amazing. I don't know about the rest of you, but I am a bit concerned at how quickly Alex seems to be grasping the complex pseudo-scientific algorithms that dictate success or failure in Ragnarok. Are the rest of us just stupid? Or high? Hmmmmm.

Black Surt(#5) vs. Asgard Thunder(#4):
Recently, a huge chunk of the Arctic shelf calved off into the largest iceberg in like I guess forever. When it melts it will drown Miami and Delaware. I have family in Delaware, and I love them, but they are not smart enough to get away before disaster strikes. They watch Fox. "nuff said. I think this cataclysmic event has occurred due to the clash of Titans in the Great White North between the Surt and the Thunder. Week 12 saw them lock horns like rabid horny mooses intent on squiring some lovely moose does. The impact dislodged a glacier and set up this even more impactful confrontation. Will the planet survive?

Meanwhile Stu and Zach are chilling, hanging out and bemusedly watching the rest of us flounder about. They could be a bit less smug about it, but life in the VIP section is different than what us mere plebians can expect. Party on but know you will be challenged soon enough.

Happy Holidays to you all. My very best goes out to you and yours. Love is all you need, and I love y'all stupid fuckers so much.

Let's Get Ready to Ragnarok Rumble

Larry Larrison - 12/10/2023
After a dramatic past few weeks, there is a surprisingly clear landscape going into the Week 14 Ragnarok Rumble. Three divisional champions are crowned and the top #1 and #2 seeds are already clinched. The Walter Reed Medical Center and the Burnsville Bruins are battling for the #1 seed in the square circle, so everyone get out the way!

Battle for Hel
The Dimensional Gorilla Suits (8-5) and Chairman Mao (8-5) are facing off to see who wins the Hel Division. The loser falls into the wildcard hunt.

Wildcard Hunt
Whoever loses the Battle for Hel will face off against the Roving Gamblers (7-6) and Black Surt (7-6) for the final two playoff seeds. Two will make it, one will fail.

The only way for Chairman Mao to not clinch a playoff spot is if they lose in the Ragnarok Rumble and then either the Roving Gamblers or Black Surt wins in the Rumble. At that point, it becomes a YTD Points tiebreaker to determine who taps out.

It's also worth noting that due to YTD points, the only way for the Roving Gamblers to make the playoffs would be if both of the two other teams in the wildcard hunt lose in the Rumble.

Loser Tournament
The one team in the wildcard hunt who does not make the playoffs will earn the top #7 seed in the loser tournament. This change to the seeding was the result of Rule 26.1.

That means that the seeding for the bottom five will be determined by the Ragnarok Rumble, with the Valhalla Maulers (3-9-1) and Koo Dynasty (3-10) hair pulling and nut cracking to see who avoids the #12 seed.

The Fowl Mouth Bass (5-8), Interdimensional Bigfoots (5-8), and Machu pichu Blast (6-7) will be playing for the coveted #8 seed and its bye week. If the Blast wins in the Rumble, they'll get the #8. If not, and either the Bass or Bigfoots win, it'll come down to YTD points.

Roster Lockdown is Sunday at 1pm Eastern time

Commish - 12/6/2023
This covers both free agency and trading.

Get your players now, while supplies last!

A Heartwarming Tale Of Holiday Cheer
Scribbles Snavely - 12/3/2023
I was diligently doing my job, cutting and wrapping cheese while trying to ignore the endless loop of treacly Xmas songs that our store inflicts upon us every year for about a month and a half. I began to ponder, which I frequently do while engaged in the somewhat mindless task of cutting and wrapping cheese. I pondered why it is that Christianity is the only religion that makes everyone else listen to these hymns that celebrate their faith at a particular time of year. There is no Ramadan equivalent of "White Xmas" nor is there a Hannukah version of "Silent Night" although if there were it would be entitled "Hush, Be Qviet You".

I wondered how Christians would feel if they had to listen to oh let's just say Satanic Halloween carols. What's that you ask? Is there such a thing as Satanic Halloween carols and if so, would you please please please recite one for us? There is indeed such a thing and since you asked so very nicely, I would be happy to. I believe you fellas know the tune to this one. Caution: Do not sing this out loud with children in the room. Except for Mars. He has probably heard worse. Way to go Uncle Alex. I proudly present....

"Rupert The Big-Dicked Demon"

"Rupert The Big-Dicked Demon
Had a massive cock that grows
And if you ever saw it
You might even say it's gross

All of the other demons
Used to run and scream in fear
Poor Rupert the Big-Dicked Demon
Couldn't get his playmates near

Then one foggy Halloween
Satan came to say
"Rupert with your dick of might
Won't you tow my sleigh tonight?"

Oh how the demons loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rupert the Big-Dicked Demon
Let's go have a huge orgy!"

There's nothing better than a happy ending. I guess y'all will never hear that song the same way again. You are welcome. The only way to follow that up is to recap last week's action. On to the previous Match-Ups!

Burnsville Bruins 78 vs. Valhalla Maulers 60
This was a crucial Divisional win for the Bruins, keeping them one game ahead of the Surt in Midgard. The Maulers only consolation is they are still a half game better than the Dynasty. The Bruins would seem to be a lock to make the Play-Offs going into the Rumble.

Machu Pichu 64 vs. Chairman Mao 51
I'm not sure if this game affected both teams' chances of making the Play-offs, but a win is never a bad thing. Billy can boast a strong finish to the season, cleverly setting up a run for the Loser's Crown once again. Dat has had a solid year, winning three in a row twice and never losing more than twice in a row. Mao has not been in the Play-Offs since 2017 so this has been a long time coming. Perhaps not being the newb anymore has given him a boost!

Gorilla Suits 65 vs. Koo Dynasty 52
The Suits picked up the easy spare here and are positioned for a thrilling post-season run after an understandably miserable inaugural season. I tried to tell him the learning curve was rather steep. He pulled up his big boy panties and kicked ass this year and deserves a shot at the ultimate prize. I'm kinda pulling for the big galoot. Sean sucked a big bag of dicks. End of story.

Bigfoots 91 vs. Fowl Mouth Bass 76
Keith's win kept the Bifrost Division wide-ass open, and only the Rumble can decide the fate of these three teams. In what has been the most competitive Division, anything can happen. The Feet were on a four-game slide before notching this crucial win. Joe has had a weird, streaky season and has looked very good at times. It will be interesting to see how things shake out for this team.

Asgard Thunder 76 vs. Black Surt 69
Eric managed a narrow win in the Battle of the Great White North, keeping the Thunder atop the volatile Bifrost Division. Surt's loss dropped him into second in Midgard and may have knocked him out of Play-Off contention. Not to mention bragging rights and whatever side bets were involved. Probably being forced to eat lutefisk or something equally gross. We may or may not see one or the other of these teams in the next round. Only the Rumble can decide!

This was the GAME OF THE WEEEEEEK!!! And it was anticlimactic.

WRMC 73 vs. Roving Gamblers 40
Stu beat the snot out of the Gamblers plain and simple. He was having none of that "Get your 300 on" nonsense. That is why he is the current Champ and Jeremy hasn't been since 2005. The Gamblers may still have an outside shot at the next round but it ain't looking pretty. At this point the Medical Centre have to be the odds-on favorite to repeat, although the Bruins and Gorilla Suits are stout as well. The Rumble will decide which two teams get that coveted first round bye.

Well kiddies I have to get ready for the totally bizarre noon to 8pm shift I have to pull today for apparent reason and miss an entire day's worth of football. Lucky me, eh? Gl to all. Let's fucking RUMBLE!!!

Scribbles Snavely - 11/19/2023
I beg of thee, gentle readers, some forbearance as to this week's Scribbles. They may be a bit disjointed and/or incoherent. I have just survived two weeks of insane corporate shenanigans known in the retail world as the dreaded STORE WALK. This is an exercise in stupidity wherein my bosses bosses bosses show up and expect to be fawned over lovingly. The store must be immaculate and all ducks precisely in a row. As one of those ducks I was not amused. Keep in mind this is during the busiest shopping season of the year, where I am struggling to just keep product on shelves. I was without my Cheese Monger as she had to go cover another store due to a sad circumstance as that store's Cheese Master had a death in the family. Yup, shitshow all around. That said, I hunkered down and worked long hours and kicked ass and it went off well. I am very proud of my department and there is no way I would allow it to fail.

I am already well into my cups in the aftermath of that fuckwittery. I am seriously considering some wake and bake action. This could easily go sideways. Buckle up my brothers we could be in for a bumpy ride.

The regular season is winding down and Ragnarok is as competitive as I have ever seen. Every Division is up for grabs. This is going to be an intense finish, as well it should be. We are, after all, the premier FF League ever fucking created. Those fools that think they are cool winning some bullshit ESPN League have no idea.

Match-ups? Hell yea!

Blast(3-7) vs. Gamblers(6-4):
Billy is cleverly positioning himself to make another run for King of the Losers, while Jeremy is trying to keep pace with Stu's juggernaut. There is a lot on the line for both teams. The Blast have won two of their last three games and seem to be on a roll. The opposite is true for Jeremy. He has lost 2 of his last three games, just when he needs to be going strong into play-off contention. The Gamblers are riding the Mahomes train, as was evidenced last week with Mac Jones getting benched after a horrible INT. This is a must win for the Gamblers.

Maulers(3-6-1) vs. Dynasty(2-8):
Welcome to the Bottom Of The Barrel Bowl! Two of the three suckiest teams square off for no apparent reason. The Maulers have at least been handing out a couple losses these last few games. Koo broke his four-game losing streak by smacking Zach around soundly last week. The winner here gets a very small t-baLL trophy. Lookie what you can do! We are proud of both of you.

Bruins(6-4) vs. Bigfoots(4-6):
Now we get into the meat of this thing. The rubber meets the road, and it is time to shine. It's Hero time. The Bruins suffered a humiliating defeat last week in a game they should have won. Now they face the Feet, a team downsliding into oblivion. Zach has to get a win here. Period. Keith has been routed the last three games. I am sure he would love to rain on Zach's parade. Interesting game here.

Surt(7-3) vs. Bass(4-6):
Dave has got to be playing angry after getting beaten by Stu in the GOTW. That's gotta hurt. Now they are tied for supremacy in Ragnarok. This is a pivotal game for both clubs. The Bass are well into the hunt for the Bifrost title, but a loss here would almost certainly rule them out. Dave has had an amazing season and is poised to make a Super Bowl run. The Bass have been fucking awful lately and I am not sure that is going to change. The Bills are an inconceivably crappy team as well.

Thunder(5-4-1) vs. Mao(6-4):
More heavyweight action! This is a must-win for Eric and Dat. Everything is coming down to these last several weeks and a win here is crucial. The Thunder had a seriously shitty game last week and need a win. Dat has won two in a row and is poised to make a play-off run. Mao has been playing well and could be on the way to the play-offs. Can Eric spoil his evil plan?

GAME OF THE WEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!
WRMC(7-3) Vs. Suit(6-4):Holy
Holy fucking shitballs Batman. Stu and Dave have been the most kick ass owners so far and now they face off in the most consequential game so far. How can you not be excited by this amazing face-off? Preview to the Super Bowl any0ne?

Family Time
Scribbles Snavely - 11/12/2023
Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending the second Annual Jackson Family Tamale-Making Party! Hosted by my first wife Alyson, it was a blast. I have remained close to these wonderful folks, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with them once again. Plus, I now have a ton of tamales to freeze and enjoy in the upcoming future.

Aly inquired as to how Keith and Eric are doing, and I was pleased to inform her that they are both cohabitating with (we assume) females of the same species. She was pleasantly surprised by that, as are we all. I told her that Keith is well on his way to becoming a World Champion VR putt-putt golfer which she was not surprised by whatsoever. She was also impressed that Ragnarok was still going strong after all this time. We had a great chat as she drove me back home. I gave her a Slitherin Squishmallow I got her for her birthday. It is so cute!

Sitting here now, reflecting on that experience I am struck by how incredibly fortunate I am to be loved by those amazing folks. Even though our marriage did not work out for various reasons that are primarily my fault, Aly has always been kind and patient with me, and her extended family are the nicest people you could hope to meet. To be in their presence is nurturing for my soul. I do wish I had been informed that some of the people in attendance were Jehovah's Witnesses before I related the story of how I had to quit my job at Seawell Elementary school after the Kitchen Director invited me to Kingdom Hall for the tenth time.
Oops!

Life is tough. We all get beaten down at times whether it's work stress, difficult relationships, ornery children or incontinent pets we all have challenges. What makes it all worthwhile is family. At the end of the day that is what we truly have. Those precious bonds that keep us human and somewhat sane. I want to thank you guys for being family to me. All of you are top-notch dudes that I am proud to call brothers.

That said, let's go to the Match-Ups!

Gorilla Suits(5-4) vs. Roving Gamblers(6-3):
This is a prime-time match against two of the best teams in the League. Both are tied for the lead in their Divisions. Jeremy trounced the Bruins last week and have won 3 of their last 4 games. Alex's Gorillas had a huge win in Week 6, putting up a hundred burger over Zach. Since then, it has not been so pretty. They could not handle the portal-power of the Bigfoots in Week 7, then defeated the beleaguered Maulers and promptly followed that up with a piss-poor performance against the Thunder. It is hard to predict what exactly is up with the Gorillas at this point but I suppose we shall find out forthwith.

Chairman Mao(5-4) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(4-5):
Dat is locked into a heated battle for the Bloody Crown of Hel with Alex, while Joe is in the heat of the hunt for the top spot in Bifrost. Mao got a "win" last week in a game that neither participant should get credit for. 44 to 25? Really guys? We need you to be better than that ok? Joe has been on a downward slide, capping it off by managing to lose to the Maulers last week. For shame! One of these teams will right the ship and the other seems headed for ignominy and derision.

Koo Dynasty(1-8) vs. Burnsville Bruins(6-3):
I cannot over-emphasize how fucking weird it is to type in that Koo is 1-8. How in the holy hell is that possible? Sean, you do realize that you are currently trailing both Billy AND Kent? Do we need to stage some sort of FF intervention? Show the judge where the bad people touched you and made you stop caring about winning. We are here for ya man. I haz a sad. Zach took a tough loss last week against the Gamblers but have a golden opportunity to rebound. They are trailing the phenomenal Surt in the Midgard Division and desperately need a W here.

Interdimensional Bigfoots(4-5) vs. Valhalla Maulers(2-6-1):
The Feets are right in the thick of it in the highly competitive Bifrost Division. Keith squeaked out a win in Week 7 but is has been tough sledding since then. Kent seems perfectly happy to play the spoiler role and is amazingly ahead of both Billy and Sean. Who'da thunk it? The Feets need to avoid the Kenttrap to keep up with the Bass and the Thunder.

Asgard Thunder(5-3-1) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(2-7):
Eric has been on a roll. Only a freak tie with the Maulers has blemished their record over the last 4 weeks. They stand alone atop the Bifrost Division and should be able to notch another win here over the struggling Blast. Billy has had a fairly miserable season, and it doesn't look to get any better this week. Anything can happen though.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEEEEKK!!!!

WRMC(6-3) vs. Black Surt(7-2):
There are weeks where I dispute which game deserves the moniker of GOTW, but not here. This is clearly the premium match-up and a game for the ages. Stu has played like the defending Champion that he is, winning four of his last five games. The big surprise this season has been Dave's Surt, holding the best record in Ragnarok at 7-2. Wow! Now Dave faces the ultimate test. How will he perform under the big lights and the incredible pressure? I know we are all laser-focused on this game. I can't wait to see how this shakes out!

GL to all and have a great day guys!

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program
Scribbles Snavely - 11/5/2023
I was and am genuinely excited by the conversion of my Hairy-Tweeter cheese department into a Murray's cheese shop. I can now offer a wider variety of yummy cheeses and have added tools for selling like the $5 and under bins and active tastings and samplings. I am having a blast with the many positive customer interactions I get to have. That being said, it has placed an increased burden on my free time and has led to an interruption in my ability to do my beloved Scribbles lately. Sundays during the NFL season are sacred and as close to a religion as I am likely to experience. As I get older, I am learning how to better handle making sacrifices. In the past I would not have handled this well. I would have been bitter and angry and would have let that affect my job performance. Now I am able to put things in perspective and just roll with it. Weird huh? If even I can change perhaps there is hope for the world in general.

At this point in the season, we can divide the teams into 3 categories: There are 5 teams that are really good, 4 teams that are pretty good and 3 teams that suck a bag of dicks. On top of the heap are the Bruins and Black Surt at 6-2. Asgard and Midgard are mirror images, with two elite teams tied for the lead and one lone raw-dogger sniffing their tails. The Battle between Zach and Dave has been thrilling, with the Bruins having a win over Surt in Week 2. This will likely be decided by the epic Week 13 throwdown between them. Way up in the lofty confines of Asgard, The Gamblers and WRMC are enjoying being able to vie for the lead without the meddling of Sean and his evil machinations. Are we seeing the early blossoms of a budding bromance? Has Jeremy finally realized that Sean has been gaslighting him all this time to glean key information and thus try to rule the world? "What are we going to do this season, Brain?"

Bifrost has been consistently mediocre so far, and only a freakish tie separates these three teams. This thing is totally up for grabs. Hel is the only Division with a clear hierarchy. Alex seems to be catching on to how Ragnarok works and holds a slim one game lead over Mao. Mao also seems to be catching on to how the League operates, and it's only taken 9 years to do so. On a side note, his English continues to improve as well. Billy Sean and Kent are the Three Stooges of Ragnarok. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

As I kick back, sip some coffee and enjoy having a full Sunday off it is time to go to the motherfucking Match-Ups! It's nice being back.

WRMC(5-3) vs. Blast(2-6):
Stu just seems to be getting better as the Season progresses, having won 3 of the last 4 games, culminating in a hundred burger over Jeremy last week. He will be without star RB Etienne and HC Pederson however so this could be a trap week. Billy broke his 4-game losing streak last week in a cripple-fight win over the Dynasty. He has a golden opportunity here to gain some much-needed respect by upsetting the Centre.

Koo(1-7) vs. Mao(4-4):
Welcome to the Ramen Noodle Bowl! I am beginning to suspect that Keith hired an Interdimensional Bigfoot to abduct the real Sean and replace him with this sad sham of his true self. There can be no other explanation for the Koo being worse than the Maulers. I am not sure I can live in a world where this is true. Dat prematurely ejaculated three wins to start the season and then his football Viagra petered out. He has lost four of the following five games, and his flaccid 45-41 performance over the Feets in Week 6 semi-hardly counts. Just like eating at an Asian buffet, we will all still be hungry an hour after this match is over.

The True...GAME OF THE WEEEEEKKK!!!!!
Bruins(6-2) vs. Gamblers(5-3):
Now this is what we call a heavyweight title fight! The once dominant Bruins have struggled lately, starting with a brutal drubbing by the Suits in Week 6. Zach seems understandably demoralized since then and now faces a Gamblers team that sustained a similar thrashing last week. Which of these guys will pull up their big boy panties and rally? Their seasons hang in the balance. If I were a betting man, I'd have to give the edge to Jeremy what with Zach being butt-fucked by the Bye week and missing Purdy and Big Mac. Stay tuned!

Surt(6-2) vs. Extremely Large Extremities(4-4):
This season's biggest surprise has been Dave's amazing comeback after losing the first two games, ripping off 6 wins in impressive fashion. Be vewwy quiet, we're hunting Yetis. Add in the fact that he is unaffected by the bye week, and it is hard to see how Keith can defeat a team that seems poised to make a Super Bowl run. 5 of Keith's games have been decided by less than double digits, so it is reasonable to expect a closely fought contest here. The bye week benching of Trevor Lawrence could have been devastating, if not for the unbelievable emergence of rookie phenom Will Levis. Where did this kid come from? Holy fuck he looks amazing. Tannehill better start honing his color commentary skills, as he looks to be out of a job. This a prime-time game I am definitely looking forward to!

Mauler(1-6-1) vs. Fowl Mouth Bills(4-4):
You might think Kent would be despondent at this point, but no! He is like a retarded Golden Retriever overjoyed to find a cat turd in the litter box. His Steelers are improbably 5-3 and he can claim to be better than Sean. Life is good. Joe has been rather schizophrenic this season, with some big wins and huge losses. As Buffalo goes, so goes he and he wouldn't have it any other way. You have to admire that level of homerness. He is officially an honorary Simpson. He needs a win here to stay in the hunt in the most competitive Division. Pick that low hanging fruit dude!

And Now.....The Fake News GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!
Thunder(4-3-1) vs. Suits(5-3):
Eric holds an extremely thin lead in the Bifrost Division. Despite a knee bruise that has limited Hurts rushing ability, he still had a huge game last week. This is a crucial contest for both Eric and Alex. The Suits are mightily hampered by the Lions' bye week and it comes at an unfortunate time. Here is where ya gotta dig deep and eek out a win over a very strong opponent. Ragnarok is for closers, much like coffee. Speaking of which I need a fresh cup and some yummy breakfast. You folks have a wonderful Sunday and let's enjoy some quality football, eh?

Take care and best of luck to all!

Short and sweet
Scribbles Snavely - 10/29/2023
Due to a scheduled tasting event at work, I have to do a half shift today. Therefore, I need to truncate this week's Scribbles and go straight to the Match-Ups! The tasting is a pairing of Perrano cheese with Snickers. Weird, huh?

WRMC(4-3) vs. Roving Gamblers(5-2):
In what could easily be the co-Game Of The Week, we have two heavy hitters slugging it out in the center of the ring. Stu has been on a rollercoaster ride this season, winning two then losing two then winning two more and just losing by 5 points to Zach last week. Led by the amazing Patrick Mahomes, Jeremy has had quite a run, with all of his wins being pretty impressive. Much is at stake here and we shall see who emerges as a clear favorite to head to the Super Bowl!

Machu Pichu Blast(1-6) vs. Koo Dynasty(1-6):
How sad is it that these two storied franchises are even worse than the fucking Maulers? Shame on you guys. We really need you to be better than that. Both of these teams' line-ups look like they were generated by an autistic AI in an ESPN league. C'Mon man!

Interdimensional Bigfoots(4-3) vs. Asgard Thunder(3-3-1):
This is a key match-up in the hotly contested Bifrost Division. After posting a hundred burger over the Bass in Week 5, the Feets somehow managed only 41 points against Mao. They scraped by with a 4 point win last week and have to be wondering (Like the one hit wonder 4 Non Blondes) what's going on. The Thunder have posted a win, a loss and a tie in their last three games. I'm all for diversity but that's kinda wacky. The Bigfoots are up 5 thanks to Bass, but Puka is always open. This is a game to keep an eye on.

Dimensional Gorilla Suits(4-3) vs. Valhalla Maulers(1-5-1):
Alex's team has been a big sweaty beast so far this season, and they look to have an easy win here over the perennially hapless Maulers. The Gorillas have put up impressive numbers so far, trailing only the Bass in total points scored. They face a Maulers team that is buoyed by managing a tie over the Thunder last week. Party time!

Black Surt(5-2) vs. Chairman Mao((4-3):
Two unexpectantly dominant teams square off in a huge contest. The Surt are tied with the Bruins for the lead in the Midgard Division while Mao is tied for the top spot in Hel with Monkey Boy. Push comes to shove so let's see who is the big dog now!

And now.......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!

Fowl Mouth Bass(4-3) vs. Burnsville Bruins(5-2):
It doesn't get any better than this folks! As expected, a Bills heavy lineup has been producing for Joe so far and he has a 45 point lead going into this contest. Burnsville rebounded from a brutal beating at the paws of the Gorillas in Week 6 to take a nail-biter last week over Stu. There is so much riding on this game and we will all be watching to see who emerges as a clear favorite to go deep into the play-offs!

Well, I have to get ready for work. Yuk. Y'all have a great day and GL to everyone!

Special Edition! Saturday Night Live Scribbles!
Scribbles Snavely - 10/21/2023
My associate Fallon, who is the Murray's Cheese Monger has the weekend off which means I have to work a short shift tomorrow. Therefore, I've decided to do this Special Edition. I hope it doesn't suck as bad as the current cast of "Saturday Night Live."

Tonight, we examine one of the most puzzling conundrums of our generation. How can someone write so relatively intelligently, offering brilliant observances that confront the human condition with humor and insight and yet be such a total dumb-ass? Many of my friends, family co-workers and especially former partners have pondered this.

To be honest, it takes hard work. One must be slavishly devoted to ridiculous shenanigans and have a complete lack of self-awareness. Years of damaging one's brain with an exciting array of substances helps greatly. You must be willing to look foolish in any situation. A lack of concern for personal safety is also useful.

Of course, this begs the question as to why? Why would you embark on the fool's errand of a life led so frivolously? I doubt that a team of highly trained psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists and seasoned bartenders could plumb the depths of my psyche and return with a rational explanation. Perhaps hidden in some dark corner of one of the many decades I have dim recollections of there lurks an answer, but we shall never know. The fact that I can even write a coherent sentence is baffling. Perhaps I am an idiot savant with a mostly useless talent like being able to instantly know that March 10th of 1694 was a Thursday. With great power comes the ability to ignore responsibility. All I know is that this is not a path for the faint of heart. Or liver. Or kidneys.

Let's take a look at the Divisional breakdowns.

Bifrost is clearly the outcast here, refusing to conform to what the cool kids are doing. They are stubbornly all 3-3, which is disgustingly democratic. The other three Divisions have two mean girls that are beating up on the geeks with glasses and braces. Those sad losers would be Sean Billy and Kent. Quite an odd situation here in Week 7. Strange days indeed.

Time for the Match-Ups boys and girls, non-binaries, furries, foot fetishists, scat enthusiasts and squanchers!

Bruins(4-2) vs. WRMC(4-2):
The Bruins just sucked on a brutal 109burger courtesy of the Gorillaz last week. When your kicker is the only member of your team in double digits, something has gone horribly wrong. Add in the inevitable injury to Big Mac and this does not look good for Zach. Meanwhile, Stu cruised to an easy victory over the Maulers, who are as confused as a blonde put in a round room and told to pee in the corner. The Centre didn't put up huge numbers, but you don't need to against the Weavers.

Mao(4-2) vs. Gamblers(4-2):
Dat is battling the Suits for dominance in Hel. Mao started out very strong and then faltered like a man who mistimed his Viagra. Even his win last week over the Bigfoots was flaccid. In similar fashion, Jeremy looked very good the first three weeks and then looked like a Saints TE dropping game-winning balls in the end zone the next two games. At least his win last week had a happier ending. Let's see who is gonna love you long time.

(On a side note, I am writing this listening to my brand-new copy of the Rolling Stones' Hackney Diamonds. I highly recommend it.)

Maulers(1-5) vs. Thunder(3-3):
Aside from a freak win over a similarly pathetic Blast, this has been a miserable season in Valhalla. The mead has run out, the kitchen is serving Impossible Boar Roasts and the Valkyries are refusing to put out. The Head Coach blames OC Loki. The Thunder peaked early with an impressive 83-72 win over the defending Champ. They won 2 0f the next 3, but with less than exciting numbers. The Thunder could get two eazy peazy wins in a row but beware the Kenttrap!

Dynasty(1-5) vs. Surt(4-2):
The Vegas odds that I would ever type those last exact 24 characters was 1 Fucktrillion to 1. The one bright spot in Sean's season was getting revenge on butt-buddyJ's win in Week2.
Not much else to report. A large Asian wallowing in unaccustomed fallibility. Dave is kicking ass, but otter hunting season approaches so we can expect a decline on the horizon.

Bass(3-3) vs. Blast(1-5):
Desperation Bowl? The Bass are on a two game losing streak. They couldn't ask for a better opportunity to turn it around. You look at the Blast's trajectory and it is truly baffling. They took a couple ugly wins in the first two weeks. Then they blew the fuck up in Week 3 over Zach in a great game. Well, how do you follow that up?! You get beaten by the Are You Kidding Me Maulers....by 40 points? Really. The humiliation continues with two more severe punkings. Joe has a tomato can here, punch him out!

Possibly Supernatural Primate Game Of The Week!!!!!

Suits(4-2) vs. Bigfoots(3-3):
Alex has posted two str8 hundred burgers. Not sure if that has ever happened b4. I wanna see a throwdown like Anaconda vs. Rhino or Mongoose Vs. Cobra. I think I'd bet on a Yeti over a guy in a monkey suit. We shall see.

Kick ass everybody! Live.....from Chapel Hill...IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!

Three years in
Scribbles Snavely - 10/15/2023
So I just celebrated my three year anniversary at Harris Teeter. This was kinda bittersweet, as it was also a month after I lost my sweetheart. It is no exaggeration to say that this job saved my life. I found a new community to belong to and a reason to carry on. I love what I do now, getting to interact with customers and introducing folks to yummy cheeses.
Thanks to all of you guys that have been so supportive. Every day is a bit of a struggle but
I try to find joy and love where it comes my way. Tell the people you love what they mean to you every chance you get. Just saying.

I am running behind so let's go to the Match-Ups!

Maulers(1-4) vs. WRMC(3-2):
This should be a lay-up for the Champ but ya never know. Stu needs to avoid the Kent-trap!

Gamblers(3-2) vs. Bass(3-2):
Heavyweight battle here that could easily be the Game of the Week. Jeremy has lost two in a row and looks to get off the snide against Joe who got crushed under the ginormous paws of Keith's Big Feet last week. Huge match-up we will all be watching.

Dynasty(1-4) vs. Thunder(2-3):
Two underperforming teams that desperately need a win to get back on track. Has Sean developed a debilitating vaping habit or what? I am not sure how to carry on in a world where he is 1-4. The Thunder are an enigma shrouded in mystery and wrapped in bacon. Who knows how this one will go!?

Blast(1-4) vs. Surt(3-2)
Billy got BLASTED by the Gorillas last week and may still be reeling from the trauma. Dave has recovered nicely from an 0-2 start with three straight wins. This looks like a make or break game for the Blast but they face stiff opposition here. Dave has looked solid so far after a shaky start.

Bigfoots(3-2) vs. Mao(3-2):
Big time match against two of the top teams in the League! The Bigfoots have posted two huge wins in a row and look to carry that momentum into this week's game. Conversely the Chairman has lost two straight games and need to get back on the winning track. This is a crucial match for both teams and we will be keeping close tabs on this!

GAME OF THE WEEEEEEKKK!!!
Gorillas(3-2) vs. Bruins(4-1):
Hmmm. Monkeys versus Bears. Both can be fierce. I'd love to see a video of a silverback against a grizzly. Dave posted a hundred burger last week and are trying to keep pace with Mao in Hel. Zach is the sole owner of a 4-1 record and has been impressive in this young season so far. He has tallied an impressive 389 points to date and is the odds on favorite to make yet another Super Bowl appearance but we have a ways yet to go and anything can happen. Great game guys!

GL to all and much love to you awesome dudes. I hope you all know how much I treasure each and every one of you. I am proud to be part of such an amazing brotherhood of crazy fuckers.

3 Time Winners and Losers.
Scribbles Snavely - 10/1/2023
I am fully aware that I should ditch my reporting on Ragnarok and devote my full attention to what really matters: The Swelce Phenomenon that has captivated our hearts and warmed our souls. Football simply can't match the intensity and drama of the relationship of the century. Taylor Swift practically rules the universe at this time. Her tour is a mini-economy all its own. She can make or break products at will. I think she should run for President. I'd much rather look at her than the two sad old fucks that we will probably be forced to choose from.

On to far less important things. As of now, there are three teams that still have not won a game, although Billy can at least claim a tie. Koo and the Maulers don't even have that much. Similarly, three teams have not lost a game but Burnsville owns the other end of that tie. The Gamblers and Mao are 3-0 and looking good. There are six teams that have broken the 200 point mark, with Mao way ahead of everyone else. Yes, you read that correctly. Dat is leading the scoring with an amazing 272 points, which is 40 points more than the Champ! What the fuck? The new 4 QB trend seems to be working so we expect more teams to be scouring the waiver wire to get on board. Only four teams have less than 200 PA, with Mao not surprisingly leading the League with a scant 122 PA. Koo has suffered the most, racking up a whopping 253 PA. The season is young, but some patterns are emerging.

Let's break it all down with the Match-Ups!

WORST GAME OF THE WEEEK!
Blast(0-2-1?) vs. Maulers(0-3):
Kent and Billy can relax and just have a few beers and feel good that at least one of them will get a tie or a win. At this point that's the best either can hope for as they struggle to remain relevant. Cripple fight!

Surt(1-2) VS. Suits(2-1):
In the second of three Midgard vs. Hel match-ups we find Dave eager to get another win after barely beating the Maulers by a single point last week. Alex started strong but got crushed by Dat. This is an interesting game and should be fun to watch.

Now we move on to the Asgard vs. Bifrost clashes.
Bass(2-1) vs. WRMC(2-1):
Joe is leading Bifrost and none of his games have been close in either direction. He has won two in a row but faces the Champ this week. He only has 6 Bills on his roster so far and we know that hurts his frozen heart. Stu is trailing Jeremy in Asgard. The Champ got off to a good start but stumbled last week against the Thunder. He clearly needs to add a fourth QB in order to be competitive. The trio of Burrow Howell and Prescott just isn't enough! This is a huge game with major implications. Stay tuned.

Breaking News!!
We here at Scribbles' HQ missed the announcement that Billy claims to have won his game against Zach. This has not been officially recorded or verified so we will monitor this ongoing situation whenever we aren't obsessing over Taylor Swift.

Bigfeeties(1-2) vs. Dynasty(0-3):
Here we have another chapter in one of the greatest rivalries in sports history. Right up there with Ali vs. Frazier and Conner vs. McEnroe these guys have competed at the highest level in Ragnarok. Beginning in 2007, these two selfish assholes claimed 9 of the next 11 Championships. Coupla jerks. Times have changed now that the rules have been altered to eliminate their clearly unfair advantages over the rest of us. Keith was introduced to Yetis and Sean has been prohibited from using math. We finally have a level playing field. The Feet began the season with a close win over the Thunder. Then they ran into Stu and Jeremy and that did not go well. To be blunt, Sean has not been remotely close in any of his games so far. Has his infatuation with his Yiddish boy toy gotten so bad that we need to stage an intervention? Oy vey!

Gamblers(3-0) vs. Thunder(1-2):
Jeremy has won his games by 15, 15 and 17 points. Not bad. If he can add that crucial 4th QB he should be well on his way to a Super Bowl appearance. Eric had a rough start but rebounded last week with a solid win over the Champ. He faces one of the premier teams in the League so we will see if he can keep the momentum going. These Asgard vs. Bifrost fights should be thrilling to follow.

GAME OF THE WEEEEEK!!!!!
Mao(3-0) vs. Bruins(2-0-1?):
The third and final of the Midgard vs. Hel tilts and clearly the best of the bunch. Dat has been nothing short of a powerhouse so far. Has the weed in Seatle gotten that much better or what? Experts are confounded as to the sudden ascension of a team that finished 9th, 9th and 8th in the prior three seasons and has yet to escape from Hel. Sure, the Chairman got gifted two sweet easy wins to start the season but given the numbers he has been putting up it doesn't seem to matter who he faces. The Bruins represent the TOUGHest foe Dat has come across. This week we will see if Mao is a flash in the pan or if he is a for real contender. Zach sits atop the Midgard Division regardless off the outcome of his last game against Billy. He also needs to prove how for valid his team is with a win over Dat's steamroller. This is the most pivotal game in the young season and one we will all be focused on.

That's it for now fellas. Good luck and if life gets ya down just "Shake It Off"!

Baby Steps to the Bus
Scribbles Snavely - 9/24/2023
The 2023 football season has been rather brutal with major injury issues, highly incompetent coaching and even problems with how games are being broadcast. A note to MNF: You are no NFL Redzone. Just stop. Prime has been accused of muting crowd noise to put more focus on the announcers. I know I certainly want more of Al Michaels's shilling of corporate garbage. Further proof that football should be played on Sunday and only in the USA for fuck's sake.

Here in Ragnarok, we have 5 winless teams. Stu, our birthday boy and returning champ is leading the scoring so far. Dat is surprisingly very close behind. Asgard and Hel boast two undefeated teams, while Burnsville sits alone atop Midgard. Bifrost is a battle between the Bigfeets and Bass at 1-1 apiece. The season is still very young and anyone can make a go at it with the exception of the Maulers who couldn't score at an anonymous bathhouse in SF. Free agency has been quite active, so we shall see how that impacts teams moving forward.

Time to examine the Match-Ups! Oh joy!

Valhalla Maulers(0-2) vs. Black Surt(0-2):
Even the Score-o-nator seems to be against the hapless Maulers by refusing to credit Gabe Davis with his Week 2 points, not like it would make a difference. This is a team that had best turn things around and fast. Surt has been okay, just not okay enough to win. He won't get a better opportunity to get off the snide than he has here. The newly revamped Midgard Division will be interesting to watch. Will the former Champion Bruins rule with an iron paw?

Burnsville Bruins(2-0) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(0-2):
One has to feel bad for Billy. It is humiliating enough to be demoted to Hel, and now he finds himself two games behind both Dat and Monkey Boy. My how the mighty have been Blasted! He has some talented players they just need to step up. Zach is looking solid so far in his quest to go ass-to-mouth....umm... I mean back-to-back. The one-two punch of Purdy and Big Mac is Sean's wet dream. Speaking of the Jew Dynasty, they are the last team to win two in a row way back in '07 and '08. Can Zach pull it off here in the ultacompetitive League we currently have? We shall see.

GAME OF THE WEEEEK!!
Monkey Boy(2-0) vs. Chaiman Mao(2-0):
Hel is featuring the premier match-up this week. Alex and Dat are undefeated and vying for the Bloody Crown of Hel! Mao has destroyed the two tomato cans he has been pitted against. The Suits have been similarly impressive with wins over the Bass and the Blast. So far the Gorillas' sophomore season is going swimmingly. Let's see if that holds up over the course of a long campaign, or if he fades faster than DeSantis's presidential hopes. Despite the grisly injury to his Franchise player Chubb and the loss of Aiyuk last week, Dat has been kicking ass. Stay tuned to this slugfest!

Asgard Thunder(0-2) vs. WRMC(2-0):
Eric is winless and one can only imagine the desperately insane trade offers he is sending out. His narrow defeat in Week 1 against the Feets was heartbreaking, followed by a double digit drubbing by Joe. Now he faces the Champ. An upset here could be the catalyst to turn things around. Stu is defending his jacket in impressive fashion and could easily go 3-0 by plucking this low hanging fruit. Not a bad birthday present, eh?

Dadsquatch(1-1) vs. Sean's Blushing Bride(2-0):
Bifrost has no undefeated teams and looks like a toss-up at this point. Both of Keith's games have been fairly close, while Jeremy's have not been. Bijan has looked good but has yet to have the break out performance you expect from the first pick of the draft. Gay marriage suits Jeremy quite well, as he is tied with the Champ for superiority in the Hallowed Halls of Asgard. This is a crucial game early in the season. We will be watching this one closely.

Jew Dynasty(0-2) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(1-1):
Sean has been uncharacteristically incompetent to this point. Perhaps he was distracted by his honeymoon with Jeremy. His schedule was brutal right out of the gate, but he gets a somewhat easier draw this week. The Bass have rebounded in Week 2 after a sad start in Week 1. Joe went on a six game winning streak last season after an 0-1 start so let's see if he can duplicate that feat. You can never count Sean out. He has more tricks up his silken sleeves than a slutty geisha. This should be a great game.

Well fellas that wraps things up for now. Less than an hour to go before we can restock the sorely depleted beer supply here at Scribbles' HQs. Good luck to all and keep it between the lines!

A Retirement
Scribbles Snavely - 9/17/2023
I wish to extend my heartiest greetings to the Laddies and Gentlemen of Ragnarok as we inaugurate the 2023 editions of Scribbles's patented assortment of rambling rants, socially conscious screeds and various musings. Much has occurred in the last few years and to some extent Ragnarok serves as a microcosm of our world as a whole. The pandemic disrupted everything we all took for granted. It caused strife and a re-examination of how we all interact as individuals and groups of humans. No aspect of society was left unchanged. I would like to believe that we have emerged as more compassionate people. The lead up to this year's draft saw a degree of openness and understanding that was quite heartening. Zach was exemplary in making sure everyone was comfortable with his presence considering the situation, and I feel that we all rallied around that. Keith rightfully questioned the difference between how this was handled compared to the past. These are not easy conversations, but we had them. I am proud to be part of this brotherhood.

After much consultation with my Senior Advisor, Prof. James Tiberius Beam Phd. here at the Scribbles Institute of Extremely Higher Learning I have come to the decision that the term "newbie" shall be retired from my Scribbles. Why? For several reasons. Comedic tropes can become overworn and tiresome. Eventually the well runs dry. That is not the primary reason, however. This comes from a place of hope. When I look at the current roster of owners I feel that this is the very best group we have ever had. I certainly do not mean any disrespect to those that have contributed to the legacy we have created. We all understood Scott's decision to step aside to care for his family and that was heartbreaking. He is and always will be a treasured member of Ragnarok. The guy that filled in two years ago seemed like a decent dude, but that did not work out. When I sat across a booth at The Gathering Place with Alex, my gut told me that he would be a perfect fit. Alex has proven himself to be a nominally competent Owner and a wonderful friend. His stirring rendition of "Paul Revere" stands alone as the only such thing ever required. None of us know what the future holds, but I would like to conjecture that this is the line-up we shall have for many years to come. As the oldest and perhaps most reckless member of this group I really don't want to speculate on a scenario where a replacement might be necessary. Now it is certainly possible that Sean and Jeremy will finally go ahead and get gay married and combine their franchises as "Jew Dynasty". That could happen.

Enough blathering. Let's go to the motherfucking match-ups, shall we?

Black Surt(0-1) vs. Burnsville Bruins(1-0):
The Bruins have an early lead in the Midgard Divion and could extend that here. CMac
lead a rout of the hapless Maulers in Week 1, while Dave's Surt was kept afloat solely on the insane outing by Tua. This will be an interesting match to watch.

Chaiman Mao(1-0) vs. Valhalla Maulers(0-1):
Former Hel rivals meet in Week 2, and this is an important contest. Dat kicked ass in his first game against the Blast, while the Maulers pretty much sucked. Moving forward, which trends shall prevail?

Machu Pichu Blast(0-1) vs. Gorilla Suits(1-0):
Ok if your highest performing player in Week One was Sam Howell, you might want to seriously re-evaluate your life choices. Just saying. I think I can speak for all of us in saying how the fuck did Dat draft such an amazing team? This is a game to watch in the Hel bloodbath.

Roving Gamblers(1-0) vs. Koo Dynasty(0-1):
This could be an uncomfortable snugglefest. The Gamblers are undefeated yet Sean will always be the Clark Kent to their Loser Lane. Kryptonite anyone?

Walter Reed Medical Center(1-0) vs. The Bigfoots(1-0):
In the center ring we have quite a spectacular match! Stu had the highest score last week and is looking to Rick Roll Keith in Week 2. The Bigfeets barely escaped with a win over the Thunder last week. We will all be following this crucial slugfest!

Well kids we made it through this week's Scribbles with only minor injuries and some possible liver damage. Keep on truckin' and don't let the sun catch you crying!
Scribbles out!!

Fowl Mouth Bass(0-1) vs. Asgard Thunder(0-1):
These two teams have started with heartbreaking losses and need to rebound. The Bass got clowned by the Gorillas in Week One, and it isn't looking much better as the Thunder have already put up 32 points. This could go downhill faster than Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein judging a Little America Pageant. Stay tuned for the gory details!