An Obvious Solution To A Serious Problem.
Scribbles Snavely - 1/6/2024
I think we can all agree that this season has been a shitshow already in regard to officiating in the NFL. Human error is baked into this aspect of all sports. Bad calls happen. So do bad actions by players in all sports. Professional athletes pay a lot of money in fines every season for their ill-reasoned decisions. That is somewhat fair, although the superstars usually get off easier than the rank and file guys.

The Refs in the NFL are not full-time employees. This is a part-time job. Really? The NFL is a Quatrillion Dollar industry. Are you seriously telling me that the folks in charge of deciding the fates of these heavily invested franchises rely on guys that might care more about their position as an assistant manager at Arby's? WTF!!??

I am by far not the smartest human on the planet, or even in my own home and I fucking live alone with stuffies. That said I cannot fathom why this has not been resolved in the only way that makes any fucking sense. Create a highly paid position within the extremely lucrative NFL Corporation known as "Professional Referee". Make this financially attractive enough to create a workforce of said professionals that would take the job way more seriously than the chuckleheads we are currently dealing with. Then we could enforce penalties on refs that make egregiously horrible calls. You get what ya pay for, and if the Hocukli family sees this as a side hustle well there ya go.

Pay these motherfuckers. Make it a thing. Give them endorsement deals. Make them fucking famous. What we need is way more scrutiny. More transparency and accountability.
You only get as much give a fuck as you pay for you sorry sick bloated-ass NFL owners that are currently ruining the game. Pull up your 1000 count Egyptian cotton panties and treat the refs as full-on participants. Or just let what are essentially scabs continue to have an over-powered effect on our fan experience and your financial investments. Duh.

Oh Boy!
Scribbles Snavely - 12/23/2023
Wait a minute. Two Scribbles in one day? Is that even possible? Is it legal? I figure that in a world that has grown increasingly dark, violent stupid and insane, the least I can do is provide good-natured entertainment when and where I can. We are living through an era where genocide is accepted as "self-defense", and a so-called "professional" athlete (aka Aaron Rodgers) can tank an already irrelevant franchise with his self-serving antics. Flag-happy officials have decided that they alone should determine the outcome of games and a single TE's girlfriend grosses more money than the GDP of most countries in the world. Other than random musings by a mostly delusional Scribe, what do we have to live for? Well yea porn and for some misguided souls, Hallmark holiday movies. Think of this as my version of a light-hearted stepsibling ass to mouth yuletide rom-com. As Rupert the Big-Dicked Demon would say: "It's a naked slutty Santa jizzfest mosh pit, people! Jump right in!

Still here? Wow. I admire your fortitude while questioning your morals. What a bunch of sick fucks. Here we go then.

#10 Bigfoots at #7 Gamblers:
In a scene reminiscent of Godzilla vs. Bambi, the Bigfeets stomped(see what I did there?) all over the hapless Maulers last week and didn't have the decency to even feel a bit bad about it. Shameful. This week they face a stiffer, even possibly fully erect opponent depending on the efficacy of generic Viagra. What cums around goes around. Way back in Week 3, when Isaiah Pacheco was still a thing, Jeremy had no trouble trouncing Keith soundly. The smart money is on a repeat of that despite the Gamblers' roster featuring 7 horrible RBs.

#9 Bass at #8 Blast:
We all knew it would come down to this. Billy vying for his 17th Loser Bowl crown. As inevitable as global warming and trailer-park overdoses, here we have it. After winning four games in a row, the Blast strategically paid the referees to flag them 28 times for 267 yards in their "loss" to the Maulers to finish the season, luring Joe into a sense of complacency. This is why he rules. There is less suspense here than in a Jerry Lawler vs. Andy Kaufman rematch. Just give him the fucking belt already.

#12 Dynasty at #11 Maulers:
The Who Gives a Fuck Bowl, sponsored by MyPillow and FTX. I don't think even naked cheerleaders servicing donkeys at midfield during half-time could generate interest in this sad spectacle. There's always next year. Well, for Sean at least.

#3 Suits at #2 Bruins:
Now we're talking! A real contest between teams that don't suck a big bag of dicks. Alex has proven to be a fierce competitor this season and rightly finds himself a win away from the fucking Super Bowl. How awesome is that? We can fully expect Keith and Sean to conspire to overhaul the rules and scoring systems to prevent a second year Owner from doing better than them ever again. Not only is Zach an Oscar Award nominated director he has become a true powerhouse in Fantasy Football. Is there anything this man cannot do, aside from saving superhero movies from being less fun than explosive diarrhea? We now expect both of those things to be shitty. In Week 6, the Gorillas went apeshit(See what I did there?) and destroyed the Bruins 109 to 46, thus ending the debate over King Kong vs. Cocaine Grizzly forever. That said, this is the Play-offs and Zach is a two-time Champion.
He's not gonna just lay there and take it like Penny trying to get a chance to reprise her role in "Serial Apeist 3". We all live for epic battles like this.

#6 Mao at #4 Thunder:
Both of these teams should be commended for awesome seasons, although one could postulate that Eric had a slightly easier path to this point in winning the Bifrost Division as the only team with a winning record. It didn't hurt that he also had the second-lowest PA this year. Dat had no problem defeating the Thunder in Week 11 and hope to repeat that feat. As far as consolation games go this is a pretty decent one all said. Good job guys!

AND NOW FOR THE BIG DOOR PRIZE!!!.....

#5 BLACK Surt, clearly a DARK horse(See what I did there?) at #1 Centre:
You want to know how to become a repeat Champion? Simple. Score the most points and simultaneously have the least scored against you. Stu is clearly a genius as well as a fucking awesome theramin player. Way back in 2008, Dave entered the League as the Gridiron Rush and promptly finished 12th, as all newbies should. He continued to pretty much blow until managing to place 7th in 2014. Then in 2017 he had an identity crisis and finished 11th as the Un-Named. That seemed to do the trick and as a newly monikered Black Surt he nearly made the Super Bowl in 2019. Could he pull off an amazing upset and somehow make it all the way this year? Stu is a truly formidable foe, so this is an uphill battle. I would say this the best gift Fantasy Football enthusiasts could ask for, aside from a Tantaly doll of course. Go ahead, Google that I dare ya!

That wraps things up for now! Love to you and yours my friends.

Of Course the Season Ends With...Poetry? What?
Scribbles Snavely - 12/23/2023
Choices

Every journey is just a series
Of small steps
That lead us to our
Inevitable fate

Two things are true:
We are born and
We die
Everything else is up for grabs

Many people have claimed to know
why and what happens in between
Maybe they are wrong
Maybe they are right
Who am I to say?

I've known love
And I live with sorrow
I can attest that both
are real

I recommend that you
embrace the former
and avoid the latter
I'm just sayin'

Our time here is short
Choose wisely how you spend
That most precious commodity

Don't end up sad
Don't end up alone like me
If such a Fate
Can be avoided

Happy Holidays!
Good luck to all.
I love you.

Scribbles

Play-Offs? PLAY-OFFS!! PLAY-OFFS!?!? We're NOT TALKING PLAY-OFFS!!
Scribbles Snavely - 12/17/2023
Oh, ok I guess we are. Sorry about that. It has been a long week at work and I am rather mentally and physically drained, but it's nothing an Advil and a healthy helping of cold beverages can't fix. My job has kinda begun to suck. We have had a major overhaul in our salaried manager staff, and the new crew sucks huge bags of dicks and not in the fun way. My Cheese Monger was promoted to Cheese Master at another store, and I am thrilled for her but it's not good for me. Then this week the idiots drove off our beloved Deli Manager who is an amazing young lady that worked herself literally into exhaustion for our team and the store. She has been in the fucking hospital twice for walking pneumonia fer crissakes. Losing her has hit me hard as we were a tight team, and I would do anything for her. I am feeling abandoned although I am happy for both of them. This is the busiest time of the year, and I am trying to do 80 hours' worth of production by myself.

Much like my erstwhile Steelers I am flailing a bit. Unlike them, I am actually succeeding, despite a hardware failure in the scale I need to use to tag the cheese I cut and wrap. This means I have to cut and wrap my cheeses and then transport them to the deli to tag. Yea, good times. I know it's called work for a reason, and every job has challenges. I still love what I do, but a good chunk of the joy I used to feel has been sucked away. I even reached out to Scott to ask him about how things are at Whole Foods. He stopped working there back in February he told me but did say that it is a decent place to work. It was good to talk to him and I updated him on how things have been shaking out in Ragnarok this year. I sure miss that guy.

I have learned the hard way that change is gonna happen whether you want it to or not and let's be honest: Most of us are not thrilled when the ground shifts beneath our feet. I function best with a set routine that I can rely on and base my decisions upon. Fortunately, my many years in the food service business have taught me that you need to be able to adapt quickly when shit goes south. Or you need to bail. I also had to grasp that the people you meet and fight with in the trenches are not going to be there with you forever and you can only let them get so close. That was a hard lesson for me. This is the end of an important era in my life, but hopefully it means that an exciting new chapter is about to begin. We shall see.

Ok enough about me, let's see what you fuckers are up to in the Glorious Ragnarok Play-Offs shall we?

Koo Dynasty(#12) at Fowl Mouth Bass(#9):
I would rather not probe too deeply into Sean's psyche as I suspect I might stumble into some rather disturbing tentacle porn fetishes, but I would speculate that if he has one goal left in his miserable fantasy season it would be this: I must finish better than the fucking Maulers. Anything less would be a humiliating result that could send Sean into a downward spiral of crack hookers and cheap sake. The last thing Ragnarok needs is an Asian version of Charlie Sheen in our midst. We already have to deal with Kent. Joe has had an odd season. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't all that great either. As go the Bills....yaddayaddayadda.

Valhalla Maulers(#11) vs. Interdimensional Bigfoots(#10):
It is hard to believe that the first major interaction between Keith and Kent occurred way back on March 26th, 1992 when they attended the Metallica Black Album tour at the newly refurbished Greensboro Coliseum. The show was done in the round and it fucking kicked all the ass. The rest is barely remembered history. Fast forward to now and they are squaring off to salvage whatever they can from a harsh season in the unforgiving realm of the very fucking best fantasy League ever forever. Win or lose, what matters is how much this has been a part of all of our lives for so long.

What these four teams have lurking in the back of their minds is that Billy awaits. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Enough about these pathetic losers scrambling for scraps of dignity from the trash heap of the dick-gobblers play-offs. Let's examine the exalted true majesty of the Real Play-Offs!

Chaiman Mao(#6) vs. Gorilla Suits(#3):
Dat has already defeated Alex twice this season, the first time in a total blow-out in Week 3 when they nearly doubled the score and posted a hundred burger. Week 13 was a very different story as they barely squeaked out a 3-point victory. Just the fact that these two guys are in the hunt is amazing. I don't know about the rest of you, but I am a bit concerned at how quickly Alex seems to be grasping the complex pseudo-scientific algorithms that dictate success or failure in Ragnarok. Are the rest of us just stupid? Or high? Hmmmmm.

Black Surt(#5) vs. Asgard Thunder(#4):
Recently, a huge chunk of the Arctic shelf calved off into the largest iceberg in like I guess forever. When it melts it will drown Miami and Delaware. I have family in Delaware, and I love them, but they are not smart enough to get away before disaster strikes. They watch Fox. "nuff said. I think this cataclysmic event has occurred due to the clash of Titans in the Great White North between the Surt and the Thunder. Week 12 saw them lock horns like rabid horny mooses intent on squiring some lovely moose does. The impact dislodged a glacier and set up this even more impactful confrontation. Will the planet survive?

Meanwhile Stu and Zach are chilling, hanging out and bemusedly watching the rest of us flounder about. They could be a bit less smug about it, but life in the VIP section is different than what us mere plebians can expect. Party on but know you will be challenged soon enough.

Happy Holidays to you all. My very best goes out to you and yours. Love is all you need, and I love y'all stupid fuckers so much.

Let's Get Ready to Ragnarok Rumble
Larry Larrison - 12/10/2023
After a dramatic past few weeks, there is a surprisingly clear landscape going into the Week 14 Ragnarok Rumble. Three divisional champions are crowned and the top #1 and #2 seeds are already clinched. The Walter Reed Medical Center and the Burnsville Bruins are battling for the #1 seed in the square circle, so everyone get out the way!

Battle for Hel
The Dimensional Gorilla Suits (8-5) and Chairman Mao (8-5) are facing off to see who wins the Hel Division. The loser falls into the wildcard hunt.

Wildcard Hunt
Whoever loses the Battle for Hel will face off against the Roving Gamblers (7-6) and Black Surt (7-6) for the final two playoff seeds. Two will make it, one will fail.

The only way for Chairman Mao to not clinch a playoff spot is if they lose in the Ragnarok Rumble and then either the Roving Gamblers or Black Surt wins in the Rumble. At that point, it becomes a YTD Points tiebreaker to determine who taps out.

It's also worth noting that due to YTD points, the only way for the Roving Gamblers to make the playoffs would be if both of the two other teams in the wildcard hunt lose in the Rumble.

Loser Tournament
The one team in the wildcard hunt who does not make the playoffs will earn the top #7 seed in the loser tournament. This change to the seeding was the result of Rule 26.1.

That means that the seeding for the bottom five will be determined by the Ragnarok Rumble, with the Valhalla Maulers (3-9-1) and Koo Dynasty (3-10) hair pulling and nut cracking to see who avoids the #12 seed.

The Fowl Mouth Bass (5-8), Interdimensional Bigfoots (5-8), and Machu pichu Blast (6-7) will be playing for the coveted #8 seed and its bye week. If the Blast wins in the Rumble, they'll get the #8. If not, and either the Bass or Bigfoots win, it'll come down to YTD points.

Roster Lockdown is Sunday at 1pm Eastern time
Commish - 12/6/2023
This covers both free agency and trading.

Get your players now, while supplies last!

A Heartwarming Tale Of Holiday Cheer
Scribbles Snavely - 12/3/2023
I was diligently doing my job, cutting and wrapping cheese while trying to ignore the endless loop of treacly Xmas songs that our store inflicts upon us every year for about a month and a half. I began to ponder, which I frequently do while engaged in the somewhat mindless task of cutting and wrapping cheese. I pondered why it is that Christianity is the only religion that makes everyone else listen to these hymns that celebrate their faith at a particular time of year. There is no Ramadan equivalent of "White Xmas" nor is there a Hannukah version of "Silent Night" although if there were it would be entitled "Hush, Be Qviet You".

I wondered how Christians would feel if they had to listen to oh let's just say Satanic Halloween carols. What's that you ask? Is there such a thing as Satanic Halloween carols and if so, would you please please please recite one for us? There is indeed such a thing and since you asked so very nicely, I would be happy to. I believe you fellas know the tune to this one. Caution: Do not sing this out loud with children in the room. Except for Mars. He has probably heard worse. Way to go Uncle Alex. I proudly present....

"Rupert The Big-Dicked Demon"

"Rupert The Big-Dicked Demon
Had a massive cock that grows
And if you ever saw it
You might even say it's gross

All of the other demons
Used to run and scream in fear
Poor Rupert the Big-Dicked Demon
Couldn't get his playmates near

Then one foggy Halloween
Satan came to say
"Rupert with your dick of might
Won't you tow my sleigh tonight?"

Oh how the demons loved him
As they shouted out with glee
"Rupert the Big-Dicked Demon
Let's go have a huge orgy!"

There's nothing better than a happy ending. I guess y'all will never hear that song the same way again. You are welcome. The only way to follow that up is to recap last week's action. On to the previous Match-Ups!

Burnsville Bruins 78 vs. Valhalla Maulers 60
This was a crucial Divisional win for the Bruins, keeping them one game ahead of the Surt in Midgard. The Maulers only consolation is they are still a half game better than the Dynasty. The Bruins would seem to be a lock to make the Play-Offs going into the Rumble.

Machu Pichu 64 vs. Chairman Mao 51
I'm not sure if this game affected both teams' chances of making the Play-offs, but a win is never a bad thing. Billy can boast a strong finish to the season, cleverly setting up a run for the Loser's Crown once again. Dat has had a solid year, winning three in a row twice and never losing more than twice in a row. Mao has not been in the Play-Offs since 2017 so this has been a long time coming. Perhaps not being the newb anymore has given him a boost!

Gorilla Suits 65 vs. Koo Dynasty 52
The Suits picked up the easy spare here and are positioned for a thrilling post-season run after an understandably miserable inaugural season. I tried to tell him the learning curve was rather steep. He pulled up his big boy panties and kicked ass this year and deserves a shot at the ultimate prize. I'm kinda pulling for the big galoot. Sean sucked a big bag of dicks. End of story.

Bigfoots 91 vs. Fowl Mouth Bass 76
Keith's win kept the Bifrost Division wide-ass open, and only the Rumble can decide the fate of these three teams. In what has been the most competitive Division, anything can happen. The Feet were on a four-game slide before notching this crucial win. Joe has had a weird, streaky season and has looked very good at times. It will be interesting to see how things shake out for this team.

Asgard Thunder 76 vs. Black Surt 69
Eric managed a narrow win in the Battle of the Great White North, keeping the Thunder atop the volatile Bifrost Division. Surt's loss dropped him into second in Midgard and may have knocked him out of Play-Off contention. Not to mention bragging rights and whatever side bets were involved. Probably being forced to eat lutefisk or something equally gross. We may or may not see one or the other of these teams in the next round. Only the Rumble can decide!

This was the GAME OF THE WEEEEEEK!!! And it was anticlimactic.

WRMC 73 vs. Roving Gamblers 40
Stu beat the snot out of the Gamblers plain and simple. He was having none of that "Get your 300 on" nonsense. That is why he is the current Champ and Jeremy hasn't been since 2005. The Gamblers may still have an outside shot at the next round but it ain't looking pretty. At this point the Medical Centre have to be the odds-on favorite to repeat, although the Bruins and Gorilla Suits are stout as well. The Rumble will decide which two teams get that coveted first round bye.

Well kiddies I have to get ready for the totally bizarre noon to 8pm shift I have to pull today for apparent reason and miss an entire day's worth of football. Lucky me, eh? Gl to all. Let's fucking RUMBLE!!!

Scribbles Snavely - 11/19/2023
I beg of thee, gentle readers, some forbearance as to this week's Scribbles. They may be a bit disjointed and/or incoherent. I have just survived two weeks of insane corporate shenanigans known in the retail world as the dreaded STORE WALK. This is an exercise in stupidity wherein my bosses bosses bosses show up and expect to be fawned over lovingly. The store must be immaculate and all ducks precisely in a row. As one of those ducks I was not amused. Keep in mind this is during the busiest shopping season of the year, where I am struggling to just keep product on shelves. I was without my Cheese Monger as she had to go cover another store due to a sad circumstance as that store's Cheese Master had a death in the family. Yup, shitshow all around. That said, I hunkered down and worked long hours and kicked ass and it went off well. I am very proud of my department and there is no way I would allow it to fail.

I am already well into my cups in the aftermath of that fuckwittery. I am seriously considering some wake and bake action. This could easily go sideways. Buckle up my brothers we could be in for a bumpy ride.

The regular season is winding down and Ragnarok is as competitive as I have ever seen. Every Division is up for grabs. This is going to be an intense finish, as well it should be. We are, after all, the premier FF League ever fucking created. Those fools that think they are cool winning some bullshit ESPN League have no idea.

Match-ups? Hell yea!

Blast(3-7) vs. Gamblers(6-4):
Billy is cleverly positioning himself to make another run for King of the Losers, while Jeremy is trying to keep pace with Stu's juggernaut. There is a lot on the line for both teams. The Blast have won two of their last three games and seem to be on a roll. The opposite is true for Jeremy. He has lost 2 of his last three games, just when he needs to be going strong into play-off contention. The Gamblers are riding the Mahomes train, as was evidenced last week with Mac Jones getting benched after a horrible INT. This is a must win for the Gamblers.

Maulers(3-6-1) vs. Dynasty(2-8):
Welcome to the Bottom Of The Barrel Bowl! Two of the three suckiest teams square off for no apparent reason. The Maulers have at least been handing out a couple losses these last few games. Koo broke his four-game losing streak by smacking Zach around soundly last week. The winner here gets a very small t-baLL trophy. Lookie what you can do! We are proud of both of you.

Bruins(6-4) vs. Bigfoots(4-6):
Now we get into the meat of this thing. The rubber meets the road, and it is time to shine. It's Hero time. The Bruins suffered a humiliating defeat last week in a game they should have won. Now they face the Feet, a team downsliding into oblivion. Zach has to get a win here. Period. Keith has been routed the last three games. I am sure he would love to rain on Zach's parade. Interesting game here.

Surt(7-3) vs. Bass(4-6):
Dave has got to be playing angry after getting beaten by Stu in the GOTW. That's gotta hurt. Now they are tied for supremacy in Ragnarok. This is a pivotal game for both clubs. The Bass are well into the hunt for the Bifrost title, but a loss here would almost certainly rule them out. Dave has had an amazing season and is poised to make a Super Bowl run. The Bass have been fucking awful lately and I am not sure that is going to change. The Bills are an inconceivably crappy team as well.

Thunder(5-4-1) vs. Mao(6-4):
More heavyweight action! This is a must-win for Eric and Dat. Everything is coming down to these last several weeks and a win here is crucial. The Thunder had a seriously shitty game last week and need a win. Dat has won two in a row and is poised to make a play-off run. Mao has been playing well and could be on the way to the play-offs. Can Eric spoil his evil plan?

GAME OF THE WEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!
WRMC(7-3) Vs. Suit(6-4):Holy
Holy fucking shitballs Batman. Stu and Dave have been the most kick ass owners so far and now they face off in the most consequential game so far. How can you not be excited by this amazing face-off? Preview to the Super Bowl any0ne?

Family Time
Scribbles Snavely - 11/12/2023
Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending the second Annual Jackson Family Tamale-Making Party! Hosted by my first wife Alyson, it was a blast. I have remained close to these wonderful folks, and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with them once again. Plus, I now have a ton of tamales to freeze and enjoy in the upcoming future.

Aly inquired as to how Keith and Eric are doing, and I was pleased to inform her that they are both cohabitating with (we assume) females of the same species. She was pleasantly surprised by that, as are we all. I told her that Keith is well on his way to becoming a World Champion VR putt-putt golfer which she was not surprised by whatsoever. She was also impressed that Ragnarok was still going strong after all this time. We had a great chat as she drove me back home. I gave her a Slitherin Squishmallow I got her for her birthday. It is so cute!

Sitting here now, reflecting on that experience I am struck by how incredibly fortunate I am to be loved by those amazing folks. Even though our marriage did not work out for various reasons that are primarily my fault, Aly has always been kind and patient with me, and her extended family are the nicest people you could hope to meet. To be in their presence is nurturing for my soul. I do wish I had been informed that some of the people in attendance were Jehovah's Witnesses before I related the story of how I had to quit my job at Seawell Elementary school after the Kitchen Director invited me to Kingdom Hall for the tenth time.
Oops!

Life is tough. We all get beaten down at times whether it's work stress, difficult relationships, ornery children or incontinent pets we all have challenges. What makes it all worthwhile is family. At the end of the day that is what we truly have. Those precious bonds that keep us human and somewhat sane. I want to thank you guys for being family to me. All of you are top-notch dudes that I am proud to call brothers.

That said, let's go to the Match-Ups!

Gorilla Suits(5-4) vs. Roving Gamblers(6-3):
This is a prime-time match against two of the best teams in the League. Both are tied for the lead in their Divisions. Jeremy trounced the Bruins last week and have won 3 of their last 4 games. Alex's Gorillas had a huge win in Week 6, putting up a hundred burger over Zach. Since then, it has not been so pretty. They could not handle the portal-power of the Bigfoots in Week 7, then defeated the beleaguered Maulers and promptly followed that up with a piss-poor performance against the Thunder. It is hard to predict what exactly is up with the Gorillas at this point but I suppose we shall find out forthwith.

Chairman Mao(5-4) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(4-5):
Dat is locked into a heated battle for the Bloody Crown of Hel with Alex, while Joe is in the heat of the hunt for the top spot in Bifrost. Mao got a "win" last week in a game that neither participant should get credit for. 44 to 25? Really guys? We need you to be better than that ok? Joe has been on a downward slide, capping it off by managing to lose to the Maulers last week. For shame! One of these teams will right the ship and the other seems headed for ignominy and derision.

Koo Dynasty(1-8) vs. Burnsville Bruins(6-3):
I cannot over-emphasize how fucking weird it is to type in that Koo is 1-8. How in the holy hell is that possible? Sean, you do realize that you are currently trailing both Billy AND Kent? Do we need to stage some sort of FF intervention? Show the judge where the bad people touched you and made you stop caring about winning. We are here for ya man. I haz a sad. Zach took a tough loss last week against the Gamblers but have a golden opportunity to rebound. They are trailing the phenomenal Surt in the Midgard Division and desperately need a W here.

Interdimensional Bigfoots(4-5) vs. Valhalla Maulers(2-6-1):
The Feets are right in the thick of it in the highly competitive Bifrost Division. Keith squeaked out a win in Week 7 but is has been tough sledding since then. Kent seems perfectly happy to play the spoiler role and is amazingly ahead of both Billy and Sean. Who'da thunk it? The Feets need to avoid the Kenttrap to keep up with the Bass and the Thunder.

Asgard Thunder(5-3-1) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(2-7):
Eric has been on a roll. Only a freak tie with the Maulers has blemished their record over the last 4 weeks. They stand alone atop the Bifrost Division and should be able to notch another win here over the struggling Blast. Billy has had a fairly miserable season, and it doesn't look to get any better this week. Anything can happen though.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEEEEKK!!!!

WRMC(6-3) vs. Black Surt(7-2):
There are weeks where I dispute which game deserves the moniker of GOTW, but not here. This is clearly the premium match-up and a game for the ages. Stu has played like the defending Champion that he is, winning four of his last five games. The big surprise this season has been Dave's Surt, holding the best record in Ragnarok at 7-2. Wow! Now Dave faces the ultimate test. How will he perform under the big lights and the incredible pressure? I know we are all laser-focused on this game. I can't wait to see how this shakes out!

GL to all and have a great day guys!

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program
Scribbles Snavely - 11/5/2023
I was and am genuinely excited by the conversion of my Hairy-Tweeter cheese department into a Murray's cheese shop. I can now offer a wider variety of yummy cheeses and have added tools for selling like the $5 and under bins and active tastings and samplings. I am having a blast with the many positive customer interactions I get to have. That being said, it has placed an increased burden on my free time and has led to an interruption in my ability to do my beloved Scribbles lately. Sundays during the NFL season are sacred and as close to a religion as I am likely to experience. As I get older, I am learning how to better handle making sacrifices. In the past I would not have handled this well. I would have been bitter and angry and would have let that affect my job performance. Now I am able to put things in perspective and just roll with it. Weird huh? If even I can change perhaps there is hope for the world in general.

At this point in the season, we can divide the teams into 3 categories: There are 5 teams that are really good, 4 teams that are pretty good and 3 teams that suck a bag of dicks. On top of the heap are the Bruins and Black Surt at 6-2. Asgard and Midgard are mirror images, with two elite teams tied for the lead and one lone raw-dogger sniffing their tails. The Battle between Zach and Dave has been thrilling, with the Bruins having a win over Surt in Week 2. This will likely be decided by the epic Week 13 throwdown between them. Way up in the lofty confines of Asgard, The Gamblers and WRMC are enjoying being able to vie for the lead without the meddling of Sean and his evil machinations. Are we seeing the early blossoms of a budding bromance? Has Jeremy finally realized that Sean has been gaslighting him all this time to glean key information and thus try to rule the world? "What are we going to do this season, Brain?"

Bifrost has been consistently mediocre so far, and only a freakish tie separates these three teams. This thing is totally up for grabs. Hel is the only Division with a clear hierarchy. Alex seems to be catching on to how Ragnarok works and holds a slim one game lead over Mao. Mao also seems to be catching on to how the League operates, and it's only taken 9 years to do so. On a side note, his English continues to improve as well. Billy Sean and Kent are the Three Stooges of Ragnarok. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

As I kick back, sip some coffee and enjoy having a full Sunday off it is time to go to the motherfucking Match-Ups! It's nice being back.

WRMC(5-3) vs. Blast(2-6):
Stu just seems to be getting better as the Season progresses, having won 3 of the last 4 games, culminating in a hundred burger over Jeremy last week. He will be without star RB Etienne and HC Pederson however so this could be a trap week. Billy broke his 4-game losing streak last week in a cripple-fight win over the Dynasty. He has a golden opportunity here to gain some much-needed respect by upsetting the Centre.

Koo(1-7) vs. Mao(4-4):
Welcome to the Ramen Noodle Bowl! I am beginning to suspect that Keith hired an Interdimensional Bigfoot to abduct the real Sean and replace him with this sad sham of his true self. There can be no other explanation for the Koo being worse than the Maulers. I am not sure I can live in a world where this is true. Dat prematurely ejaculated three wins to start the season and then his football Viagra petered out. He has lost four of the following five games, and his flaccid 45-41 performance over the Feets in Week 6 semi-hardly counts. Just like eating at an Asian buffet, we will all still be hungry an hour after this match is over.

The True...GAME OF THE WEEEEEKKK!!!!!
Bruins(6-2) vs. Gamblers(5-3):
Now this is what we call a heavyweight title fight! The once dominant Bruins have struggled lately, starting with a brutal drubbing by the Suits in Week 6. Zach seems understandably demoralized since then and now faces a Gamblers team that sustained a similar thrashing last week. Which of these guys will pull up their big boy panties and rally? Their seasons hang in the balance. If I were a betting man, I'd have to give the edge to Jeremy what with Zach being butt-fucked by the Bye week and missing Purdy and Big Mac. Stay tuned!

Surt(6-2) vs. Extremely Large Extremities(4-4):
This season's biggest surprise has been Dave's amazing comeback after losing the first two games, ripping off 6 wins in impressive fashion. Be vewwy quiet, we're hunting Yetis. Add in the fact that he is unaffected by the bye week, and it is hard to see how Keith can defeat a team that seems poised to make a Super Bowl run. 5 of Keith's games have been decided by less than double digits, so it is reasonable to expect a closely fought contest here. The bye week benching of Trevor Lawrence could have been devastating, if not for the unbelievable emergence of rookie phenom Will Levis. Where did this kid come from? Holy fuck he looks amazing. Tannehill better start honing his color commentary skills, as he looks to be out of a job. This a prime-time game I am definitely looking forward to!

Mauler(1-6-1) vs. Fowl Mouth Bills(4-4):
You might think Kent would be despondent at this point, but no! He is like a retarded Golden Retriever overjoyed to find a cat turd in the litter box. His Steelers are improbably 5-3 and he can claim to be better than Sean. Life is good. Joe has been rather schizophrenic this season, with some big wins and huge losses. As Buffalo goes, so goes he and he wouldn't have it any other way. You have to admire that level of homerness. He is officially an honorary Simpson. He needs a win here to stay in the hunt in the most competitive Division. Pick that low hanging fruit dude!

And Now.....The Fake News GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!
Thunder(4-3-1) vs. Suits(5-3):
Eric holds an extremely thin lead in the Bifrost Division. Despite a knee bruise that has limited Hurts rushing ability, he still had a huge game last week. This is a crucial contest for both Eric and Alex. The Suits are mightily hampered by the Lions' bye week and it comes at an unfortunate time. Here is where ya gotta dig deep and eek out a win over a very strong opponent. Ragnarok is for closers, much like coffee. Speaking of which I need a fresh cup and some yummy breakfast. You folks have a wonderful Sunday and let's enjoy some quality football, eh?

Take care and best of luck to all!

Short and sweet
Scribbles Snavely - 10/29/2023
Due to a scheduled tasting event at work, I have to do a half shift today. Therefore, I need to truncate this week's Scribbles and go straight to the Match-Ups! The tasting is a pairing of Perrano cheese with Snickers. Weird, huh?

WRMC(4-3) vs. Roving Gamblers(5-2):
In what could easily be the co-Game Of The Week, we have two heavy hitters slugging it out in the center of the ring. Stu has been on a rollercoaster ride this season, winning two then losing two then winning two more and just losing by 5 points to Zach last week. Led by the amazing Patrick Mahomes, Jeremy has had quite a run, with all of his wins being pretty impressive. Much is at stake here and we shall see who emerges as a clear favorite to head to the Super Bowl!

Machu Pichu Blast(1-6) vs. Koo Dynasty(1-6):
How sad is it that these two storied franchises are even worse than the fucking Maulers? Shame on you guys. We really need you to be better than that. Both of these teams' line-ups look like they were generated by an autistic AI in an ESPN league. C'Mon man!

Interdimensional Bigfoots(4-3) vs. Asgard Thunder(3-3-1):
This is a key match-up in the hotly contested Bifrost Division. After posting a hundred burger over the Bass in Week 5, the Feets somehow managed only 41 points against Mao. They scraped by with a 4 point win last week and have to be wondering (Like the one hit wonder 4 Non Blondes) what's going on. The Thunder have posted a win, a loss and a tie in their last three games. I'm all for diversity but that's kinda wacky. The Bigfoots are up 5 thanks to Bass, but Puka is always open. This is a game to keep an eye on.

Dimensional Gorilla Suits(4-3) vs. Valhalla Maulers(1-5-1):
Alex's team has been a big sweaty beast so far this season, and they look to have an easy win here over the perennially hapless Maulers. The Gorillas have put up impressive numbers so far, trailing only the Bass in total points scored. They face a Maulers team that is buoyed by managing a tie over the Thunder last week. Party time!

Black Surt(5-2) vs. Chairman Mao((4-3):
Two unexpectantly dominant teams square off in a huge contest. The Surt are tied with the Bruins for the lead in the Midgard Division while Mao is tied for the top spot in Hel with Monkey Boy. Push comes to shove so let's see who is the big dog now!

And now.......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!

Fowl Mouth Bass(4-3) vs. Burnsville Bruins(5-2):
It doesn't get any better than this folks! As expected, a Bills heavy lineup has been producing for Joe so far and he has a 45 point lead going into this contest. Burnsville rebounded from a brutal beating at the paws of the Gorillas in Week 6 to take a nail-biter last week over Stu. There is so much riding on this game and we will all be watching to see who emerges as a clear favorite to go deep into the play-offs!

Well, I have to get ready for work. Yuk. Y'all have a great day and GL to everyone!

Special Edition! Saturday Night Live Scribbles!
Scribbles Snavely - 10/21/2023
My associate Fallon, who is the Murray's Cheese Monger has the weekend off which means I have to work a short shift tomorrow. Therefore, I've decided to do this Special Edition. I hope it doesn't suck as bad as the current cast of "Saturday Night Live."

Tonight, we examine one of the most puzzling conundrums of our generation. How can someone write so relatively intelligently, offering brilliant observances that confront the human condition with humor and insight and yet be such a total dumb-ass? Many of my friends, family co-workers and especially former partners have pondered this.

To be honest, it takes hard work. One must be slavishly devoted to ridiculous shenanigans and have a complete lack of self-awareness. Years of damaging one's brain with an exciting array of substances helps greatly. You must be willing to look foolish in any situation. A lack of concern for personal safety is also useful.

Of course, this begs the question as to why? Why would you embark on the fool's errand of a life led so frivolously? I doubt that a team of highly trained psychiatrists, psychologists, psychotherapists and seasoned bartenders could plumb the depths of my psyche and return with a rational explanation. Perhaps hidden in some dark corner of one of the many decades I have dim recollections of there lurks an answer, but we shall never know. The fact that I can even write a coherent sentence is baffling. Perhaps I am an idiot savant with a mostly useless talent like being able to instantly know that March 10th of 1694 was a Thursday. With great power comes the ability to ignore responsibility. All I know is that this is not a path for the faint of heart. Or liver. Or kidneys.

Let's take a look at the Divisional breakdowns.

Bifrost is clearly the outcast here, refusing to conform to what the cool kids are doing. They are stubbornly all 3-3, which is disgustingly democratic. The other three Divisions have two mean girls that are beating up on the geeks with glasses and braces. Those sad losers would be Sean Billy and Kent. Quite an odd situation here in Week 7. Strange days indeed.

Time for the Match-Ups boys and girls, non-binaries, furries, foot fetishists, scat enthusiasts and squanchers!

Bruins(4-2) vs. WRMC(4-2):
The Bruins just sucked on a brutal 109burger courtesy of the Gorillaz last week. When your kicker is the only member of your team in double digits, something has gone horribly wrong. Add in the inevitable injury to Big Mac and this does not look good for Zach. Meanwhile, Stu cruised to an easy victory over the Maulers, who are as confused as a blonde put in a round room and told to pee in the corner. The Centre didn't put up huge numbers, but you don't need to against the Weavers.

Mao(4-2) vs. Gamblers(4-2):
Dat is battling the Suits for dominance in Hel. Mao started out very strong and then faltered like a man who mistimed his Viagra. Even his win last week over the Bigfoots was flaccid. In similar fashion, Jeremy looked very good the first three weeks and then looked like a Saints TE dropping game-winning balls in the end zone the next two games. At least his win last week had a happier ending. Let's see who is gonna love you long time.

(On a side note, I am writing this listening to my brand-new copy of the Rolling Stones' Hackney Diamonds. I highly recommend it.)

Maulers(1-5) vs. Thunder(3-3):
Aside from a freak win over a similarly pathetic Blast, this has been a miserable season in Valhalla. The mead has run out, the kitchen is serving Impossible Boar Roasts and the Valkyries are refusing to put out. The Head Coach blames OC Loki. The Thunder peaked early with an impressive 83-72 win over the defending Champ. They won 2 0f the next 3, but with less than exciting numbers. The Thunder could get two eazy peazy wins in a row but beware the Kenttrap!

Dynasty(1-5) vs. Surt(4-2):
The Vegas odds that I would ever type those last exact 24 characters was 1 Fucktrillion to 1. The one bright spot in Sean's season was getting revenge on butt-buddyJ's win in Week2.
Not much else to report. A large Asian wallowing in unaccustomed fallibility. Dave is kicking ass, but otter hunting season approaches so we can expect a decline on the horizon.

Bass(3-3) vs. Blast(1-5):
Desperation Bowl? The Bass are on a two game losing streak. They couldn't ask for a better opportunity to turn it around. You look at the Blast's trajectory and it is truly baffling. They took a couple ugly wins in the first two weeks. Then they blew the fuck up in Week 3 over Zach in a great game. Well, how do you follow that up?! You get beaten by the Are You Kidding Me Maulers....by 40 points? Really. The humiliation continues with two more severe punkings. Joe has a tomato can here, punch him out!

Possibly Supernatural Primate Game Of The Week!!!!!

Suits(4-2) vs. Bigfoots(3-3):
Alex has posted two str8 hundred burgers. Not sure if that has ever happened b4. I wanna see a throwdown like Anaconda vs. Rhino or Mongoose Vs. Cobra. I think I'd bet on a Yeti over a guy in a monkey suit. We shall see.

Kick ass everybody! Live.....from Chapel Hill...IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!!

Three years in
Scribbles Snavely - 10/15/2023
So I just celebrated my three year anniversary at Harris Teeter. This was kinda bittersweet, as it was also a month after I lost my sweetheart. It is no exaggeration to say that this job saved my life. I found a new community to belong to and a reason to carry on. I love what I do now, getting to interact with customers and introducing folks to yummy cheeses.
Thanks to all of you guys that have been so supportive. Every day is a bit of a struggle but
I try to find joy and love where it comes my way. Tell the people you love what they mean to you every chance you get. Just saying.

I am running behind so let's go to the Match-Ups!

Maulers(1-4) vs. WRMC(3-2):
This should be a lay-up for the Champ but ya never know. Stu needs to avoid the Kent-trap!

Gamblers(3-2) vs. Bass(3-2):
Heavyweight battle here that could easily be the Game of the Week. Jeremy has lost two in a row and looks to get off the snide against Joe who got crushed under the ginormous paws of Keith's Big Feet last week. Huge match-up we will all be watching.

Dynasty(1-4) vs. Thunder(2-3):
Two underperforming teams that desperately need a win to get back on track. Has Sean developed a debilitating vaping habit or what? I am not sure how to carry on in a world where he is 1-4. The Thunder are an enigma shrouded in mystery and wrapped in bacon. Who knows how this one will go!?

Blast(1-4) vs. Surt(3-2)
Billy got BLASTED by the Gorillas last week and may still be reeling from the trauma. Dave has recovered nicely from an 0-2 start with three straight wins. This looks like a make or break game for the Blast but they face stiff opposition here. Dave has looked solid so far after a shaky start.

Bigfoots(3-2) vs. Mao(3-2):
Big time match against two of the top teams in the League! The Bigfoots have posted two huge wins in a row and look to carry that momentum into this week's game. Conversely the Chairman has lost two straight games and need to get back on the winning track. This is a crucial match for both teams and we will be keeping close tabs on this!

GAME OF THE WEEEEEEKKK!!!
Gorillas(3-2) vs. Bruins(4-1):
Hmmm. Monkeys versus Bears. Both can be fierce. I'd love to see a video of a silverback against a grizzly. Dave posted a hundred burger last week and are trying to keep pace with Mao in Hel. Zach is the sole owner of a 4-1 record and has been impressive in this young season so far. He has tallied an impressive 389 points to date and is the odds on favorite to make yet another Super Bowl appearance but we have a ways yet to go and anything can happen. Great game guys!

GL to all and much love to you awesome dudes. I hope you all know how much I treasure each and every one of you. I am proud to be part of such an amazing brotherhood of crazy fuckers.

3 Time Winners and Losers.
Scribbles Snavely - 10/1/2023
I am fully aware that I should ditch my reporting on Ragnarok and devote my full attention to what really matters: The Swelce Phenomenon that has captivated our hearts and warmed our souls. Football simply can't match the intensity and drama of the relationship of the century. Taylor Swift practically rules the universe at this time. Her tour is a mini-economy all its own. She can make or break products at will. I think she should run for President. I'd much rather look at her than the two sad old fucks that we will probably be forced to choose from.

On to far less important things. As of now, there are three teams that still have not won a game, although Billy can at least claim a tie. Koo and the Maulers don't even have that much. Similarly, three teams have not lost a game but Burnsville owns the other end of that tie. The Gamblers and Mao are 3-0 and looking good. There are six teams that have broken the 200 point mark, with Mao way ahead of everyone else. Yes, you read that correctly. Dat is leading the scoring with an amazing 272 points, which is 40 points more than the Champ! What the fuck? The new 4 QB trend seems to be working so we expect more teams to be scouring the waiver wire to get on board. Only four teams have less than 200 PA, with Mao not surprisingly leading the League with a scant 122 PA. Koo has suffered the most, racking up a whopping 253 PA. The season is young, but some patterns are emerging.

Let's break it all down with the Match-Ups!

WORST GAME OF THE WEEEK!
Blast(0-2-1?) vs. Maulers(0-3):
Kent and Billy can relax and just have a few beers and feel good that at least one of them will get a tie or a win. At this point that's the best either can hope for as they struggle to remain relevant. Cripple fight!

Surt(1-2) VS. Suits(2-1):
In the second of three Midgard vs. Hel match-ups we find Dave eager to get another win after barely beating the Maulers by a single point last week. Alex started strong but got crushed by Dat. This is an interesting game and should be fun to watch.

Now we move on to the Asgard vs. Bifrost clashes.
Bass(2-1) vs. WRMC(2-1):
Joe is leading Bifrost and none of his games have been close in either direction. He has won two in a row but faces the Champ this week. He only has 6 Bills on his roster so far and we know that hurts his frozen heart. Stu is trailing Jeremy in Asgard. The Champ got off to a good start but stumbled last week against the Thunder. He clearly needs to add a fourth QB in order to be competitive. The trio of Burrow Howell and Prescott just isn't enough! This is a huge game with major implications. Stay tuned.

Breaking News!!
We here at Scribbles' HQ missed the announcement that Billy claims to have won his game against Zach. This has not been officially recorded or verified so we will monitor this ongoing situation whenever we aren't obsessing over Taylor Swift.

Bigfeeties(1-2) vs. Dynasty(0-3):
Here we have another chapter in one of the greatest rivalries in sports history. Right up there with Ali vs. Frazier and Conner vs. McEnroe these guys have competed at the highest level in Ragnarok. Beginning in 2007, these two selfish assholes claimed 9 of the next 11 Championships. Coupla jerks. Times have changed now that the rules have been altered to eliminate their clearly unfair advantages over the rest of us. Keith was introduced to Yetis and Sean has been prohibited from using math. We finally have a level playing field. The Feet began the season with a close win over the Thunder. Then they ran into Stu and Jeremy and that did not go well. To be blunt, Sean has not been remotely close in any of his games so far. Has his infatuation with his Yiddish boy toy gotten so bad that we need to stage an intervention? Oy vey!

Gamblers(3-0) vs. Thunder(1-2):
Jeremy has won his games by 15, 15 and 17 points. Not bad. If he can add that crucial 4th QB he should be well on his way to a Super Bowl appearance. Eric had a rough start but rebounded last week with a solid win over the Champ. He faces one of the premier teams in the League so we will see if he can keep the momentum going. These Asgard vs. Bifrost fights should be thrilling to follow.

GAME OF THE WEEEEEK!!!!!
Mao(3-0) vs. Bruins(2-0-1?):
The third and final of the Midgard vs. Hel tilts and clearly the best of the bunch. Dat has been nothing short of a powerhouse so far. Has the weed in Seatle gotten that much better or what? Experts are confounded as to the sudden ascension of a team that finished 9th, 9th and 8th in the prior three seasons and has yet to escape from Hel. Sure, the Chairman got gifted two sweet easy wins to start the season but given the numbers he has been putting up it doesn't seem to matter who he faces. The Bruins represent the TOUGHest foe Dat has come across. This week we will see if Mao is a flash in the pan or if he is a for real contender. Zach sits atop the Midgard Division regardless off the outcome of his last game against Billy. He also needs to prove how for valid his team is with a win over Dat's steamroller. This is the most pivotal game in the young season and one we will all be focused on.

That's it for now fellas. Good luck and if life gets ya down just "Shake It Off"!

Baby Steps to the Bus
Scribbles Snavely - 9/24/2023
The 2023 football season has been rather brutal with major injury issues, highly incompetent coaching and even problems with how games are being broadcast. A note to MNF: You are no NFL Redzone. Just stop. Prime has been accused of muting crowd noise to put more focus on the announcers. I know I certainly want more of Al Michaels's shilling of corporate garbage. Further proof that football should be played on Sunday and only in the USA for fuck's sake.

Here in Ragnarok, we have 5 winless teams. Stu, our birthday boy and returning champ is leading the scoring so far. Dat is surprisingly very close behind. Asgard and Hel boast two undefeated teams, while Burnsville sits alone atop Midgard. Bifrost is a battle between the Bigfeets and Bass at 1-1 apiece. The season is still very young and anyone can make a go at it with the exception of the Maulers who couldn't score at an anonymous bathhouse in SF. Free agency has been quite active, so we shall see how that impacts teams moving forward.

Time to examine the Match-Ups! Oh joy!

Valhalla Maulers(0-2) vs. Black Surt(0-2):
Even the Score-o-nator seems to be against the hapless Maulers by refusing to credit Gabe Davis with his Week 2 points, not like it would make a difference. This is a team that had best turn things around and fast. Surt has been okay, just not okay enough to win. He won't get a better opportunity to get off the snide than he has here. The newly revamped Midgard Division will be interesting to watch. Will the former Champion Bruins rule with an iron paw?

Burnsville Bruins(2-0) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(0-2):
One has to feel bad for Billy. It is humiliating enough to be demoted to Hel, and now he finds himself two games behind both Dat and Monkey Boy. My how the mighty have been Blasted! He has some talented players they just need to step up. Zach is looking solid so far in his quest to go ass-to-mouth....umm... I mean back-to-back. The one-two punch of Purdy and Big Mac is Sean's wet dream. Speaking of the Jew Dynasty, they are the last team to win two in a row way back in '07 and '08. Can Zach pull it off here in the ultacompetitive League we currently have? We shall see.

GAME OF THE WEEEEK!!
Monkey Boy(2-0) vs. Chaiman Mao(2-0):
Hel is featuring the premier match-up this week. Alex and Dat are undefeated and vying for the Bloody Crown of Hel! Mao has destroyed the two tomato cans he has been pitted against. The Suits have been similarly impressive with wins over the Bass and the Blast. So far the Gorillas' sophomore season is going swimmingly. Let's see if that holds up over the course of a long campaign, or if he fades faster than DeSantis's presidential hopes. Despite the grisly injury to his Franchise player Chubb and the loss of Aiyuk last week, Dat has been kicking ass. Stay tuned to this slugfest!

Asgard Thunder(0-2) vs. WRMC(2-0):
Eric is winless and one can only imagine the desperately insane trade offers he is sending out. His narrow defeat in Week 1 against the Feets was heartbreaking, followed by a double digit drubbing by Joe. Now he faces the Champ. An upset here could be the catalyst to turn things around. Stu is defending his jacket in impressive fashion and could easily go 3-0 by plucking this low hanging fruit. Not a bad birthday present, eh?

Dadsquatch(1-1) vs. Sean's Blushing Bride(2-0):
Bifrost has no undefeated teams and looks like a toss-up at this point. Both of Keith's games have been fairly close, while Jeremy's have not been. Bijan has looked good but has yet to have the break out performance you expect from the first pick of the draft. Gay marriage suits Jeremy quite well, as he is tied with the Champ for superiority in the Hallowed Halls of Asgard. This is a crucial game early in the season. We will be watching this one closely.

Jew Dynasty(0-2) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(1-1):
Sean has been uncharacteristically incompetent to this point. Perhaps he was distracted by his honeymoon with Jeremy. His schedule was brutal right out of the gate, but he gets a somewhat easier draw this week. The Bass have rebounded in Week 2 after a sad start in Week 1. Joe went on a six game winning streak last season after an 0-1 start so let's see if he can duplicate that feat. You can never count Sean out. He has more tricks up his silken sleeves than a slutty geisha. This should be a great game.

Well fellas that wraps things up for now. Less than an hour to go before we can restock the sorely depleted beer supply here at Scribbles' HQs. Good luck to all and keep it between the lines!

A Retirement
Scribbles Snavely - 9/17/2023
I wish to extend my heartiest greetings to the Laddies and Gentlemen of Ragnarok as we inaugurate the 2023 editions of Scribbles's patented assortment of rambling rants, socially conscious screeds and various musings. Much has occurred in the last few years and to some extent Ragnarok serves as a microcosm of our world as a whole. The pandemic disrupted everything we all took for granted. It caused strife and a re-examination of how we all interact as individuals and groups of humans. No aspect of society was left unchanged. I would like to believe that we have emerged as more compassionate people. The lead up to this year's draft saw a degree of openness and understanding that was quite heartening. Zach was exemplary in making sure everyone was comfortable with his presence considering the situation, and I feel that we all rallied around that. Keith rightfully questioned the difference between how this was handled compared to the past. These are not easy conversations, but we had them. I am proud to be part of this brotherhood.

After much consultation with my Senior Advisor, Prof. James Tiberius Beam Phd. here at the Scribbles Institute of Extremely Higher Learning I have come to the decision that the term "newbie" shall be retired from my Scribbles. Why? For several reasons. Comedic tropes can become overworn and tiresome. Eventually the well runs dry. That is not the primary reason, however. This comes from a place of hope. When I look at the current roster of owners I feel that this is the very best group we have ever had. I certainly do not mean any disrespect to those that have contributed to the legacy we have created. We all understood Scott's decision to step aside to care for his family and that was heartbreaking. He is and always will be a treasured member of Ragnarok. The guy that filled in two years ago seemed like a decent dude, but that did not work out. When I sat across a booth at The Gathering Place with Alex, my gut told me that he would be a perfect fit. Alex has proven himself to be a nominally competent Owner and a wonderful friend. His stirring rendition of "Paul Revere" stands alone as the only such thing ever required. None of us know what the future holds, but I would like to conjecture that this is the line-up we shall have for many years to come. As the oldest and perhaps most reckless member of this group I really don't want to speculate on a scenario where a replacement might be necessary. Now it is certainly possible that Sean and Jeremy will finally go ahead and get gay married and combine their franchises as "Jew Dynasty". That could happen.

Enough blathering. Let's go to the motherfucking match-ups, shall we?

Black Surt(0-1) vs. Burnsville Bruins(1-0):
The Bruins have an early lead in the Midgard Divion and could extend that here. CMac
lead a rout of the hapless Maulers in Week 1, while Dave's Surt was kept afloat solely on the insane outing by Tua. This will be an interesting match to watch.

Chaiman Mao(1-0) vs. Valhalla Maulers(0-1):
Former Hel rivals meet in Week 2, and this is an important contest. Dat kicked ass in his first game against the Blast, while the Maulers pretty much sucked. Moving forward, which trends shall prevail?

Machu Pichu Blast(0-1) vs. Gorilla Suits(1-0):
Ok if your highest performing player in Week One was Sam Howell, you might want to seriously re-evaluate your life choices. Just saying. I think I can speak for all of us in saying how the fuck did Dat draft such an amazing team? This is a game to watch in the Hel bloodbath.

Roving Gamblers(1-0) vs. Koo Dynasty(0-1):
This could be an uncomfortable snugglefest. The Gamblers are undefeated yet Sean will always be the Clark Kent to their Loser Lane. Kryptonite anyone?

Walter Reed Medical Center(1-0) vs. The Bigfoots(1-0):
In the center ring we have quite a spectacular match! Stu had the highest score last week and is looking to Rick Roll Keith in Week 2. The Bigfeets barely escaped with a win over the Thunder last week. We will all be following this crucial slugfest!

Well kids we made it through this week's Scribbles with only minor injuries and some possible liver damage. Keep on truckin' and don't let the sun catch you crying!
Scribbles out!!

Fowl Mouth Bass(0-1) vs. Asgard Thunder(0-1):
These two teams have started with heartbreaking losses and need to rebound. The Bass got clowned by the Gorillas in Week One, and it isn't looking much better as the Thunder have already put up 32 points. This could go downhill faster than Harvey Weinstein and Jeffrey Epstein judging a Little America Pageant. Stay tuned for the gory details!

2023 Draft Weekend
Commish - 8/28/2023

2023 Official Ragnarok Franchise Declarations
Commish - 8/22/2023

Gamblers
Patrick Mahomes
Brian Robinson (round 9)

Bigfoots
Derrick Henry
Isaih Pacheco (round 6)

Dynasty
Travis Kelce
Kenneth Walker (round 4)

Bruins
Jonathan Taylor
George Pickens (round 6)

Medical Center
Austin Ekeler
Travis Etienne (round 2)

Fowl Mouth Bass
Josh Allen
Garrett Wilson (round 2)

Black Surt
A.J. Brown
Chris Olave (round 3)

Blast
Saquon Barkley
Jameson Williams (round 15)

Thunder
Justin Jefferson
Tyler Allgeier (round 10)

Gorilla Suits
Tyreek Hill
Breece Hall (round 2)

Mao
Tee Higgins

Maulers
Josh Jacobs

2022 Ragnarok Draft Board
Commish - 8/16/2023

2023 Ragnarok Schedule is Released
Commish - 5/9/2023
Looks like we have some marquee matchups to start the season!

Ragnarok is Realigning for 2023!
Commish - 1/19/2023
After winning the 2022 Ragnarok Championship, the Walter Reed Medical Center has crossed Bifrost and bought the domicile of the Interdimensional Bigfoots, who are moving back to Bifrost. Here are the official teams of the 2023 divisions:

Asgard Division
Roving Gamblers
Koo Dynasty
Walter Reed Medical Center

Bifrost Division
Interdimensional Bigfoots
Frewsburg Fowl Mouth Bass
Asgard Thunder

Midgard Division
Black Surt
Burnsville Bruins
Valhalla Maulers

Hel Division
Machu pichu Blast
Helheim Hockaloogy
Chairman Mao

Walter Reed Medical Center wins the 2023 Ragnarok Championship
Commish - 1/8/2023
Congratulations to the Walter Reed Medical Center for winning the 2023 Ragnarok Championship! The final standings for the league are as follows:

1st Walter Reed Medical Center
2nd Frewsburg Fowl Mouth Bass
3rd Roving Gamblers
4th Black Surt
5th Asgard Thunder
6th Valhalla Maulers
7th Machu pichu Blast
8th Burnsville Bruins
9th Interdimensional Bigfoots
10th Chairman Mao
11th Koo Dynasty
12th Helheim Hockaloogy

Congrats to the Blast for winning the Blast Bowl! The 2023 Ragnarok Draft Order will be:

1. Machu pichu Blast
2. Burnsville Bruins
3. Interdimensional Bigfoots
4. Chairman Mao
5. Koo Dynasty
6. Helheim Hockaloogy
7. Valhalla Maulers
8. Asgard Thunder
9. Black Surt
10. Roving Gamblers
11. Frewsburg Fowl Mouth Bass
12. Walter Reed Medical Center

Let's get ready to RUMMMMBLE!!!!
Commish - 1/1/2023
Make some popcorn and grab some beers, it's RAGNAROK CHAMPIONSHIP SUNDAY.

A Regular Season for the Ages
Commish - 12/13/2022
The 2022 regular season of Ragnarok has to go down as one of the best to date. With the exception of the Roving Gamblers, there was an epic logjam of W-L records throughout every division every week. Going into Week 13 every team had a mathematical chance of making the playoffs. That's just crazy!

It was great to see the band get back together after all of the bruhaha from last season. I speak for everyone in that the addition of Hræsvelgr Hockaloogy to the league has been a perfect fit, despite the lack of a proper draft weekend song or dance. We're all looking forward to that next year.

The 2022 Ragnarok Playoffs will be a real treat and should smash any previous Nielson Ratings in Ragnarok history due to it being the first playoffs since 2005 that doesn't have either the Dynasty or Skullsplitters/Bigfoots. Not only that, it doesn't have the last two Ragnarok champions!

Will the Roving Gamblers be this year's version of the 2007 New England Patriots, or finally get a trophy after 17 years? Can the Medical Center finally get their first trophy since 2010 by using only Chargers, Jaguars, and Cowboys players? Will the Bass get their head out of their "1-6 record the last 7 games" ass or be like the team that earlier pulled off six consecuetive wins and was smashing the points? Will we see the hotly anticipated video game sequel "22 Years of Sucking" make it's 2023 spring debut? Does a deer hide in the woods, or does the Black Surt feast? Or will the Maulers win their first Ragnarok championship, evar?

Stay tuned!

Royal Rumble!!
Scribbles Snavely - 12/11/2022
Well it seems Jeremy had it right. I haz no words to describe the sheer insanity of this season and how it will transpire. My head is still kinda squishy from last night. The SKOTS show was amazing, and we had way too much fun. I may have injured my right buttock somehow afterwards. And I am still trying to locate my pants. That's how we roll here in the Sanctuary.

My professional journalistic prediction is that teams will score points. Those points will be good for some folks and probably bad for the rest of us. It is likely I will be passed out before the 4 O'clock games start. Somehow Keith and Sean will gerrymander their way to another Super Bowl. Finland will win the World Cup and Ye will become an honorary Rabbi. Lions and lambs will lie together in fields of peace. These are the things I see coming to pass with my amazing powers of observation. Do ya wanna see me fly? Would you like to see me try? All in all it's just another......brick in the Wall.

Good luck homies. This should be epic.

Wow
Scribbles Snavely - 12/4/2022
I find it hard to believe that the season is rapidly coming to a close. This has gone by so freaking fast. What a weird year in both regular and Fantasy football. We can't really point to any team as being a clear favorite at this juncture. Joe's Bass looked like a runaway winner for quite a while, as did the Iggles. Parity has come to the NFL and to Ragnarok and that is a good thing. Even the newb it still somehow in the hunt. Good job guys! This is what Ragnarok has always strived for. A group of guys serious about competing and having fun along the way. No disrespect to the amazing owners we have had in the past, but to me this current roster feels perfect. Alex is such a great fit, and after all the things we have been through in the last few years I truly feel that as a League and as individuals we have become stronger and better. To quote the Champ "We are Burnsville TOUGH!".
Shall we go to the Match-Ups? Yes we shall!

Machu Pichu Blast(4-8) vs. Interdimensional Bigfoots(5-7):

Do or die in this one. Anything is possible and one of these two underdogs could still go on a tear and win it all. Billy took a tough loss by one point last week against Dave and that's gotta hurt. The week before that he lost to Kent, which is really painful. Can he pull up his big boy panties and give Keith a whuppin'? We will see. Keith has also lost his last two games, and they were not close. After coming back from a 2-5 start, it would be a shame to see that go up in flames. Burn baby burn!

Roving Gamblers (9-3) vs. Koo Dynasty(6-6):

Oh boy! The Snuggle Bowl! Sean finds himself in the odd position of being mediocre this year, while his butt-buddy Jeremy is on fire! Germy has claimed the vaunted Crown of Asgard. With great power comes great smugness. A win here could sink the Koo's chances of making the play-offs, just as they did back in 2019. A trend? Inquiring minds need to know!

Asgard Thunder(5-7) vs. Black Surt(7-5):

The Snow Bowl! Dave's team has been surprisingly stout lately, and he is so close to securing the Midgard title. After starting out 0-4 he has been on an incredible run, winning 7 of the last 8 games! Holy moose-poop Batman! Eric posted a resounding win over the newb last week and hope to carry that momentum over. This could get ugly, folks. Blood shall flow in the Great White North!

Burnsville Bruins(5-7) vs. Chairman Mao(6-6):

The Champ has had a rough go this season, but he is hanging TOUGH. Zach's four game winning streak was broken by Dr. Mayhem last week, putting his play-off hopes in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Dat is in a vicious slap-fight with Kent for the Bloody Crown of Hel. This is a huge game for both clubs and the long knives will be out. Fuck yea!

Valhalla Maulers(6-6) vs. Helheim Hockaloogy(4-8):

Here we have a rematch from Kent's humiliating defeat in Week 2 by the fucking newb. The Maulers have a scant lead over Dat in Hel and this game is crucial if they hope to make the Play-Offs for the first time since 2015. What an awesome way to end the normal regular season. Alex has experienced the pains of being a brand-new
owner in the finest fucking FF League ever created and has been equal to the task. The learning curve is brutal, but it's a good kind of hurt. Once you fully understand that all of the rules and the scoring system have been cleverly designed to benefit Keith and Sean, the battle is halfway won. Alex can enjoy spoiler status by defeating the Maulers and even possibly somehow backdoor their way into the Big Show. How freaking weird would that be?

AND NOW........GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!

WRMC(8-4) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(7-5):

Here is where the big boys come to play. They might wanna expand the Octagon to a Decagon for this one. Stu and Joe have been amazing this season and it has been fun just watching them battle every week. Fittingly, the season started with Stu beating Joe in Week One by a mere 7 points. The fact that an 8-4 record is only enough to secure a play-off spot speaks to how competitive this season has been over-all. As good as it gets, people!

Ok well that beer ain't gonna drink itself so I had best get down to business. Good luck to all and thank you guys for such a wonderful season of FF. We fucking kill it, dudes.

Birthday Dinner Review
Scribbles Snavely - 11/27/2022
Before I get down to Scribbling about FF, I thought that the foodies amongst us might enjoy my take on the meal I was served Friday night. My sister Robin took myself, her father and his girlfriend to dinner. Her Dad's girlfriend had her birthday that Friday, while mine was a day earlier. She chose to take us to Tandem in Carr Mill Mall. That is the space where Aurora existed and where I spent some of the greatest years of my life. I was excited to be back in that space, and I feel they have done a good job reinventing the decor. Our waitperson, whom we shall call "Chadderick", was an Anthony Bourdain style wannabe. He was quite attentive at first, but once we got our food he seemed to drift off into a cocaine-induced haze. I don't really pay that much attention to wait people unless they are either absolutely amazing or truly terrible. He was only mildly incompetent so let's move on.

Robin and I chose the appetizers. We selected a mussel dish and Deviled Eggs. The mussels were the star of the meal, perfectly cooked and served in a very complex and tasty sauce. Chadderick did bring us extra crostini to soak up all the yumminess which is pretty much why he gets a pass. The Deviled Eggs were ok, but if you are asking $12 for four egg halves you should do much better. The eggs set the tone for my reaction to the meal as a whole. There was a lack of brightness, imagination and texture. The ingredients and techniques were outdated, as if the head chef is still watching reruns of Top Chef Masters from 2015. There was no excitement or fun surprises. The big downer was my entree. Listen up, people. If you are going to offer Shrimp'n'Grits in the town where Bill Neal made them famous you had best knock it out of the fucking park. I was served a large bowl of salty mush. The grits were drowning in a sea of greasy bouillabaisse and the nicely cooked shrimp had a host of unwelcome guests including bacon, kielbasa and a sad little chunk of short-rib that I felt sorry for. It looked lost and forlorn and had just been dumped into this swampy morass with no love or special treatment. I could only tolerate eating about a third of this dish due to the salt level, and I am a Southerner for heaven's sake! We think nothing of downing a couple country ham biscuits for breakfast! Robin and Joan got the best entree, a very impressive salmon steak that was treated with a decent amount of respect. It was served with an array of other stuff, including some weird cauliflower popcorn thingies. I wish I had gotten that. I took the rest of my dish home and had it for lunch yesterday. First, I had to scrape off an inch of congealed orange butter-fat. I doused it with Tabasco to add some badly needed zing. You know, even a perfunctory squeeze of lime or some lemon zest would have made a huge difference. Mounding the grits above the sauce would have helped, and dear god could someone please explain the concept of TEXTURE to that kitchen!?

All in all, it was wonderful to be with family and we had a very nice evening. Being back in that place meant a lot to me. However, I would like to say that Gwen, myself, Alyson and Larry and Evelyn and the rest of that stellar crew from Aurora could out-cook these chuckleheads each and every night. I know for a fact that Keith and Billy could as well. Long live the glory days when Pyewacket, Aurora, Crook's Corner and La Rez and even Mamma Dip's ruled the Chapel Hill culinary scene and Pepper's served the best freaking pies ever!

Let's dig into the match-ups shall we?

Bruins(5-6) vs. WRMC(7-4):

Zach's comeback has been nothing short of amazing. I guess we should not be surprised, given that he is TOUGH! The Bruins turnaround started in Week 8 against this very same team. I'm not all mathy so I don't know whether anyone is technically out of play-off contention right now but it feels like anything is possible. Can the Bruins win the Bifrost Division? Maybe. Does String Theory make sense? Perhaps. Does Stu play the fuck out of a theremin? Hell yea! What a great game to start things off!

Dynasty(5-6) vs. Bass(7-4):

I am reasonably sure that Jeremy will be the Asgard champ no matter what kind of underhanded shenanigans Keith and Sean try to pull. I could be wrong. The Earth could be flat and the only reason cats haven't batted everything off the edges is due to an immense force field that our god-like Yeti overlords have erected using alien technology and Legos. At this point in my life I'm done fighting it. As the late Jim Carrol sang "Nothing is true, everything is permitted". A Bass-Gamblers SB is a definite possibility!

Surt(6-5) vs. Blast(4-7):

Midgard is a word that starts with an "M". So is Mediocre. Coincidence? Some say. We do know for sure that one team will win this Division and likely get stomped in the first round of the Play-offs. Dave has been uncommonly attentive this season and much like the Champ they have broken a long losing streak with a string of impressive wins. In a world where nothing makes sense, the senseless man is god. Go Dave! Billy is coming off of a sad performance last week where they managed to lose to a Maulers team that only scored 42 points against them. By Sharia law both owners should be stripped bare and given 14 and a half lashes. Fortunately this isn't the World Cup. Shame on you, soccer people. FIFA is what the NFL would be if Jones and Kraft had their way.

Da Newb(4-7) vs. Thunder(4-7):

The battle for the Hel Crown of Thorns will be appropriately bloody and vicious. If Alex wins here, he then faces the Maulers to finish the season. Depending on how the Mao-Maulers game goes he might still have a chance to clinch a spot in the Play-Offs in his inaugural outing. Wouldn't that be a swiftie to the man-fruit? Eric has suffered two straight tough losses and his hopes of moving forward seem to be slipping away. He has Jefferson now so he probably doesn't give a fuck.

Maulers(5-6) vs. Mao(6-5):

In the first game of the year, the Maulers defeated Mao rather handily. Since then, both teams have had their share of ups and downs, at times looking really good and then turning in disappointing outings the next week. This should be interesting to see who the real deal is. The Maulers' receiving corp is down to a parking attendant and a couple of hot dog vendors, so things look good for Dat who is led by a scorching Joe Burrow. Wow.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!

Huge Extremities(5-6) vs. The Jack of Hearts(8-3):

Along with Zach, Keith is in the running for comeback Coach of the year. Things looked bleak in Week 7 after a heartbreaking one-point loss to the Surt that put the Feets at 2-5. Since then they have traded and shifted things around and won three of their last four matches. I am guessing their only hope of making the Play-Offs is to secure a wild card spot. Jeremy has been on an amazing tear and looks like the favorite to win it all. His last two wins have been close, so this isn't a sure thing!

Well fellas that's all. Good luck to everyone and let's hope today's games are better than the shitty weather we are having here right now!

Yea it's a cliche but still.....
Scribbles Snavely - 11/20/2022
Thanksgiving is MY holiday! I was born on that day way back when we had to fight sabertooth tigers to get a turkey. Thanksgiving is a holiday that makes sense, unlike Xmas which was co-opted by Christians from the Pagans to promote their misogynistic Baby Jesus myth and horrifically allows Mariah Carey to be relevant once a year.

In honor of this grand tradition, I want to take a moment to reflect on what I am thankful for. I am thankful to be alive as I near my 62nd birthday. They said it couldn't be done and yet year after year the Vegas oddsmakers take a bath on predicting my eminent demise. "Scientists" claim I can't live forever but they can't prove that now can they? Of course all the credit goes to my rigorous routine of good clean living. hehe

I am thankful that I root for an NFL franchise that wins Superbowls. Sadly many of you may never know that joy and exhilaration. I'm looking at you Keith, Eric Dave Joe and Alex. Bless your hearts. I am also thankful that the Valhalla Maulers have at least been to a Ragnarok SB which Dat, Dave and Alex's teams cannot claim. Experts have shown conclusively that the Maulers' loss to the Skullsplitters was largely due to the interference of Interdimensional Bigfeet. I have evidence! Just look at their new name!

I am truly thankful to have a home, which an increasing number of Americans do not through no fault of their own. Keep that in mind as we sit down to bountiful feasts as others root through dumpsters in the world's most prosperous nation. Shame on us.

I am thankful to have had many years with the love of my life. As the Beatles sang: "Look at all the lonely people, where do they all belong?". I was blessed.

And finally, I am thankful for you idiots that faithfully read these inane Scribblings and at least pretend to enjoy them. Y'all are the best fucking friends a guy could ask for and I love each and every one of you except on the weeks we play against each other. I'm even somewhat fond of the newb, although I am journalistically required to point out that his wife is way cooler than he is. (Hi Lauren!) You are all free to make whatever comparisons you wish to a certain beloved Commissioner. (Hi Jax!)

I am told by the Control Booth that I'm running short on time and need to stop blathering and get to the freaking Match-Ups. So here we go!!!!

Thunder(4-6) vs. Gamblers(7-3):

Jeremy's amazing winning streak was nearly ruined by Dave last week in a one-point squeaker. Given the extreme parity that seems to have manifested in Ragnarok this year, that could be huge. Eric's season has been nearly as brutal as the weather that he heroically delivers the mail in. Can the Dynamic Duo of Jefferson and rookie phenom Watson be enough to propel the Thunder into the Play-Offs? I have no idea but I can confidently say that it looks like Eric will be a pain in the ass to play against for the foreseeable future. Oy vey! (Hi Jeremy!)

WRMC(6-4) vs. Dynasty(5-5):

A worthy undercard to the GOTW, as these two powerhouses clash. Stu is hobbled by the bye week and injuries and is forced to start Elijah "Who?" Mitchell. The Washington Cow-Mmanders' season has been up and down more than the head of a $5 crack whore on Saturday night. Sean has uncharacteristically lost three in a row and finds himself trailing in the Asgard Division. You never want to be behind a Sasquatch. Ewwww! We will all be riveted to this consequential contest.

Bigfeeties(5-5) vs. Champion High School Drama Teacher(4-6):

These two plucky comeback kids prove that you are never out of it like Kent with a cat toy in his mouth. Against all odds, Keith and Zach have scratched and clawed their way up from seemingly insurmountable deficits and could.....go....all.....the....way!!! Or not.

Maulers(4-6) vs. Blast(4-6):

Kent and Billy got off to good starts this season but injury, ineptitude and sheer bad luck have foiled them ever since. At this rate it doesn't look like the Maulers will ever win another game. On the upside, hockey season is here! Go Canes!

His Royal no0bieness(4-6) vs. Big Bad Dave(5-5):

Alex blew into Ragnarok with a bluster of bloviated bullshit braggadocio and has been rightly humbled. That said, he could still take the Hel Crown Of Thorns and humiliate us all. Dave is an enigma wrapped in mystery and probably hidden deep in the woods with a high-powered bump-stock slingshot hunting wabbits. I kinda feel like this should be shown on the Cartoon Network. Exit stage left and watch out for that tree!

AND NOW.....GAME OF THE WEEEEEEKKK!!!!

Mao(5-5) vs. Bass(7-3):

I didn't see this coming! That's what she said. (Bah dum bum!). In a testament to how truly bizarre this season has been, these teams have emerged from the depths of irrelevance like Swamp-Things (which are also real) ready to terrorize trailer parks full of unsuspecting meth-heads. Dat is cocky enough to believe he can win despite not starting a DF or a HC. Now that takes balls! Joe has to be more pissed off than the hand warmer vendor at Norwood Memorial Stadium right now. What the fuck good is a home field advantage if the pussy-ass NFL won't let you use it? Ohhh, life threatening weather conditions. Fla zay dah! Suck it up ya bunch of pansies. And let's be real, no-one wants to get moved to Detroit. Except possibly folks in Flint and Jackson. So how cool would it be if this turns out to be a preview of the Ragnarok Super Bowl? I'd wait in line like a Taylor Swift
fan for tickets to see that!

Well laddies and gentlemen, I have a day off to enjoy and barely remember. If you are travelling, please be safe and do not assault the flight attendant. That's a felony, ya know! All my best to you and yours. Happy Madden Day!

Well fuck
Scribbles Snavely - 11/13/2022
Things are a bit blurry here at Sanctuary FF HQ. I hosted my first get-together with two of my co-workers. It was totally fabulous. I cooked my ass off and it felt good to properly break in my new kitchen and my new home. And that is what it feels like now. A home. Not just a place I live in. I think the funniest thing was when my guest Fallon realized that I actually created everything we were eating. "Whoa! Are you telling me you MADE all this!!?" She had never had salsa that wasn't out of a jar. I blew some minds last night. This was a big step in my moving forward and I am feeling pretty proud of myself. Of course, I would not be here if it wasn't for the incredible love and support you guys have generously given me these last few years.
Thanks y'all.

I reckon it's Match-Up Time!

Thunder(4-5) vs. Bigfoots(4-5):

Keith vs. Eric. The essential primal battle that has been ongoing for what like fucking decades now? Bolin Heights bitches. UFC and tequila. Dave's Insanity Sauce on a tortilla chip. Couches in the front yard. Ron getting dragged through the bushes. I vaguely remember trying to go shot for shot with some insanely fit track and field chick that drank my ass under the fucking table. Those were some special times, my brothers. Who is gonna win this? I have no idea. But that isn't really the point now is it? Party on!

Dynasty(5-4) vs. Bruins(3-6):

Sean lost his last two games to Dat and Eric. These were both double digit losses. I envision mass executions at Koo HQs. Heads will roll! Meanwhile the defending Champ is making an amazing come-back having won two in a row. I feel like this is a pivotal game for these clubs and the ramifications will be felt for the rest of the season. Must watch TV fer shure.

Bass(6-3) vs. Maulers(4-5):

The Bass have been a fucking beast this season, chain-sawing through the competition like Bruce Campbell against an Army of the Dead. And here comes the semi-coherent zombie that is the Maulers. Not much brains here to eat! Joe should win this easily, but trap games are a thing ya know!

Blast(3-6) vs. Mao(5-4):

The struggle is real. How do you let the motherfucking newbie beat you by 22 points? Billy you know I love you with all my heart but bro you are sucking mightily. And I guess if ya gotta suck ya might as well go all the way. Yea I'm talking tip of the peen in the back of the throat. Dat is currently the Emperor of the hot mess that is Hel. Anything can happen in the blasted landscape of lost souls. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.

Cetnter(5-4) vs. Hockaloogy(4-5):

This has been a whirlwind season for both of these teams. Ok I am just gonna say it. Stu I love ya man but yer Cowgirl fetish is not healthy. Aside from the fact that they represent everything that is wrong with professional football, they also suck a big bag of dicks. Are you seriously starting three Jaguars and four Cowgirls? Oh Stu! As for the newb, he got a gift last week that has enabled him to remain in contention for the bloody Crown of Hel. Tears will be shed and hearts will be broken.

AND NOW....GAME OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WEEK!

Here we go my beloved friends, enemies and rivals!

Gamblers(6-3) vs. (Are you)Surt(ain)(5-4):

The Vegas oddsmakers must be taking a beating on this. Sure, Jeremy is always an opponent to be feared. And typically, Dave is a foe everyone looks forward to facing. Not this season bitches! The Surt are leading the admittedly pathetic Midgard Division, but I guess someone has to, right? Asgard is all WHAM and POW and KERSLANGGG! There is a whole fucking lot riding on this game and the pros will be separated from the poseurs. Kick some ass dudes!

This wraps it up for Week 10. Good luck to all!!

Who Woulda Thunk It?
Scribbles Snavely - 11/6/2022
If someone had approached me before this season started and offered to bet $100 that Dave and Dat would be leading their Divisions going into Week 9 and the fucking Iggles would be undefeated I would have proposed raising the bet to $500 and let's throw in a reach-around!

In the land of the bat-shit crazy, the unmedicated schizophrenic is King. How did we get here? Was Keith correct in saying that aliens have cross-bred with humans and are now running the show and using Bigfeets are their muscle? I have no freaking clue. As an erstwhile observer I am flabbergasted and flummoxed. The only sane response is to grab a beer, take a toke and hope for the best!

That said, here's a completely biased look at the fake news we call The Match-Ups!!

Asgard Thunder(3-5) vs. Koo Dynasty(5-3):

We shall see how Eric responds to Fate's cruel trickery, and whether he will be rewarded for his heroic homerness as Joe is this season. Midgard is a hot mess and anything can happen so the Thunder can't be counted out. Sean and Jeremy are in a vicious pillow-fight for first in Asgard so the stakes are high here. Koo was humiliated in last week's Ramen Bowl and has to be hungering for vindication. This is a pivotal game for both squads.

Valhalla Maulers(4-4) vs. Burnsville Bruins(2-6):

Two perennially plucky underdogs square off, with the Champ struggling woefully to remain relevant while Kent is just happy to be less losey. The Maulers are on a four-game winless streak and none of those have been anywhere close. Poor performance from his players, questionable coaching and rampant drug abuse by the ownership have been blamed for this epic collapse. Meanwhile, Zach's chances of defending his Trophy have apparently exited stage left. He notched his first win since the season started in convincing fashion against Stu last week. Could this be the start of an amazing comeback? I reckon we shall see.

Helheim Hockaloogy(3-5) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(3-5):

Speaking of losing streaks, the newb is similarly on a four-game slide. Even Justin "The GOAT" Tucker hasn't been able to save this flailing franchise. The loss of rookie phenom Breece "The Beast" Hall has been devastating, and Alex finds himself starting Caleb "Who?" Huntley. Not a pretty site there in Helheim. Billy is off the four-game snide he was on after beating the Thunder rather soundly last week. His Division is up for grabs and we expect the Blast to be out for blood. N0obie braaaaiiinnnsss! Yum! (Barely enough for an appetizer but oh well)

Chairman Mao(5-3) vs. Black Surt(4-4):

Welcome to the Improbable Bowl! It's fair to say none of us saw this coming. Dat and Dave are leading their respective Divisions. Okey dokey. In a country where many people claim that life matters even if it means killing a few pregnant women, I guess that makes sense.
Dat has become a PNW powerhouse and has posted three straight impressive wins. Dave has emerged from his yurt in the wilderness to go on a four-game rampage like a bull moose in a forest full of horny moose-gals, culminating in the League's third hundred burger he smacked the hapless Maulers with last week. There's a lot of football left to play but Dave looks pretty strong right now. Sources tell us that he smells that way as well.

Walter Reed Medical Centre(5-3) vs. Interdimensional Bigfoots(3-5):

In looking at this match-up and the season in general, I just want to take a moment to say that I am heartened by the resurgence of comradery and competition in Ragnarok. The last few years have taken a toll on us all, but we have come together like the band of brothers we are, overcoming our differences and being there for each other. You guys mean the fucking world to me. I am proud to be a part of this. It has been an up and down campaign for Stu so far, but he is one of four teams boasting a 5-3 record. It's too early to say anyone is a lock for the play-offs, but the Centre are surely in that conversation. Keith's hirsute portal hoppers have won three of their last five games as they struggle to keep up with the Wonder Twins in Asgard. He faces a serious uphill climb to get into contention, but Keith is like The Badger: ruthless and determined. If he hopes to make a play-off run he needs to win here. This is a must-watch throw-down.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE FUCKING WEEK!!!!

Fowl Mouth Bass(6-2) vs. Roving Gamblers(5-3):

Welcome to the Non-Existent Hairline Bowl! This is a PPV extravaganza, and fireworks are assured. Joe is the Buffalo Buzzsaw, ripping opponents mercilessly. The last two weeks have been brutal for the Bass however. They barely escaped with a win in the pathetic 44-42 outing against the freaking newb fer heaven's sake only to walk into the Bigfoot Denier last week and get humiliated by Keith posting this season's fourth 100 point effort. That's gotta leave a mark. Of the Devil! Jeremy has been solid in the last three weeks as he tries to keep up with his snuggle-buddy Sean in Asgard. This is a game for the ages, and obviously has huge implications moving forward. Gifford, Meredith and Cosell will be calling this epic contest on my imaginary "podcast", whatever that is.

Good luck to all and to all a good day!

Oy vey
Scribbles Snavely - 10/30/2022
We are getting a very late start here as Harvey Winestine came over with some young "actresses" who wanted to "audition" for a "part" in a "movie". That guy knows how to party!

Let's attempt to take a "look" at the "Match-ups"! Ouch. Oh and fuck you, NFL for another pointless overseas "game". Schmucks. I seem to be channeling Jeremy's Bubby for some reason.

The newb(3-4) vs. Our Beloved Jeremy(4-3):

Due to the bye week, Jeremy is forced to start Andy "He's still alive?" Dalton at QB. What a putz! He's about as welcome as a mohel at a charcuterie convention. The Gamblers are on a two-game winning streak and face the fucking n00B. With Sean surging like an Indonesian tsunami, this is a must win. On the other end of the shit-stick is poor dear Alex, struggling to keep up with the Big Boys in his Spider-Man pull-ups while sucking on some Go-Gurt. He's dropped a deuce these last two weeks in more ways than one, butt is still only one game off the lead in Hel. I am sure his parents are quite proud of their little boy. He reportedly attended Jon Gruden's seminar "How to be a More Positive Thinker" so we'll see if that helps. Dude, you are behind Kent and Dat. Think about that.

Stu's Groovy Dudes(5-2) vs. One Hell of a High School Drama Teacher(1-6):

On paper this would appear to be a blow-out but beware! Zach's plucky bunch of Broadway hopefuls could burst into song and stage a season saving montage at any moment. Save that farm bitches! Stu's starting QB is on the bye so he will have to rely on Trevor "Capt. Hairdo" Lawrence to get the job done. Zach is counting on Tua "I'm Batman" Tagavirgin and Jonathan "I don't feel so well" Taylor to step up and pull off an upset. Exit stage left!

Billy's Blunderers(2-5) vs. Eric "Justin Jefferson's fuck puppet who doesn't care if he ever wins another game because he has Justin Jefferson, Motherfuckers!!!!" Gustafson(3-4):

Rumor has it that Eric would have been willing to throw in a reach-around from one of the Thunder's cheerleaders in the blockbuster deal he struck with an unsuspecting Centre front office in addition to a pound of whale blubber. Stu needs to step up his negotiating skills. Billy has gotten butt-fucked the last four weeks and might as well stay bent over because at his age it would hurt more to straighten up. The sad thing is that this game actually means something, because Midgard is just that bad.

Dave's Deer-Slayers(3-4) vs. The Kentfidents(4-3):

Welcome to the "Who Wudda Thunk It?!" Bowl. Tall Bald and Scary has awoken from his slumber and is rampaging through Ragnarok like a polar bear on an ice floe full of brain damaged seal pups. His three-game winning streak has been blamed on global warming, critical race theory and rabid transgender penguins. There is no such rational explanation for the Mauler's success. Do we really want to live in a world where Kent makes the Play-Offs for the first time since the 2015 Drop Bear era? I didn't think so.

On a side note we are out of coffee here at the Sanctuary News HQ's and are about to consume a chunk of yummy gummy the Commish bestowed upon us during his visit to go see the most excellent "Black Adam" movie. There's no telling how this is gonna go. Buckle up kiddies!

Koo-koo-a-choo(5-2) vs. Meow Mix(4-3):

Welcome to the Annual Ramen Bowl! Sean is like a sweaty Sumo wrestler that no one wants to grapple with. He's on a three-game tear and is eyeing Dat the way the family pit-bull looks at a toddler. Can we outlaw and euthanize all of those murderous critters already? We never read about a tragic chihuahua mauling now do we? Anyway, it's hard to see how this could end well for our PNW compadre, but he destroyed the Thunder last week and came close to posting a hundred-burger so Sean had best guard his ample ass. This is a game with massive implications, and one could justify the opinion that it should have been the GOTW. Yea and I should have gotten that fucking growth spurt and the acid flash-backs I was promised. Fuckers.

AND NOW......THE SUPPOSED GAME OF THE WEEK!!%$#&!!

The Bass-Master(6-1) vs. Tin Foil Hat Boy(2-5):

Joe has to be happier than Matthew Perry in a Percodan factory right about now. People have been scoring on Keith like a drunken sorostitute at a frat party. Sloppy sevenths, anyone? Keith is relying on Joe Mixon to carry the load, despite actively trying to trade him away like a red-headed step-child with a cleft palate. Oh and he wants a blue chip WR for the 19th ranked RB in the League. Yea the guy who is trailing Kenneth Walker. Good luck ya schmuck. This will be uglier than a Kardashian without make-up and plastic surgery. Oh the humanity!

As I attempt to stonededly stagger through the rest of this day I wish y'all good luck and good health! Love you fuckers!

Exclusive Scoop!
Scribbles Snavely - 10/23/2022
The clandestine Sanctuary Research Team is comprised of ninjas, gumshoes, back-alley goons and two-timing double dealers. Even I don't know who they are but they get the job done. Through the various and nefarious channels that they navigate with brutal efficiency we are able to present the shocking truth behind the NFL's biggest mystery: What the fuck are the Carolina Panthers doing?

Our sources, who have since been disappeared, reveal that the Panthers' yard sale of premium talent is banking billions of dollars in salary cap savings which is being funneled into a super-secret laboratory hidden deep in the Appalachian mountains and disguised as a moonshine facility. They plan to reanimate the cryogenically frozen Wesley Walls and implant cybernetic technology into him thus creating the Ultimate Football Warrior. They are also building a time travel device which will allow Kerry Collins to return to the future as his 1996 play-off winning self. The third component of this insanely awesome endeavor is to inject Kevin Greene's DNA into a silverback lowland gorilla, thus creating the most fearsome linebacker ever. Dom Capers' disembodied brain is suspended in embryonic fluid and will be fitted with a microphone and able to call plays on the sideline. The back-up plan, should they be foiled by those meddling kids, is to tank the rest of this season and secure the #1 over-all pick in the 2023 draft. You heard it here first!!

In other news, Robby Anderson's new contract with the Cardinals stipulates that he is never ever to be removed from a game on third down. Even in the event that he has been incapacitated or killed, his lifeless body is legally required to remain on the field until the next down.

While I await a call from the Pulitzer Commitee for this groundbreaking reporting, let's go to the Match-Ups, shall we?

Gamblers(3-3) vs. Bruins(1-5):

Simply put, the Champ has been pretty much actually fairly awful so far. After his triumphant drubbing of the n0oB in Week 1, he has been beaten badly in every game since. The closest he has come was in an 8-point loss to the Blast in Week 3. I am guessing he wishes he had Mahomes back. That's what happens when you go against your heart. As has been mentioned before, Jeremy is known for peaking early or so I hear from the Asian massage parlors where he is given a special discount for his Happy Beginnings. The world was his non-Kosher oyster after posting the season's highest total so far in Week 1, an amazing 125 point explosion that required 1/10th of the USA's Kleenex reserve to mop up. Similarly, Jeremy earned his only gold star on the first day of kindergarten by successfully locating all ten of his fingers. It's been hit or miss ever since. I feel like this game should be played on Thursday.

Dynasty(4-2) vs. Blast(2-4):

Sean has been able to cobble together a pair of wins but seems to be employing the Way-Back Machine and is starting Dak Prescott and Ezekial Elliot this week. Admittedly, the Cowgirls have the pleasure of facing the Lions' 33rd-ranked defense so this might work out for him. The Dynasty sit atop a largely lackluster Asgard Division, while Billy is struggling to compete in the resoundingly shitty Midgard Division which has amassed a combined 7 wins. No team in the Division has yet to break the 400 YTD point mark. Come on, man! Unless McCaffrey's deal with the Niners includes a new pair of knees we are not sure things will get much better in THE BLAST ZONE anytime soon. He doesn't even have a starting HC as of this writing. Wow.

Mao(3-3) vs. Thunder(3-3):

This game is like going on a double date with your best friend's girlfriend's homely best friend. Someone is bound to score but it won't be pretty. Eric may have been excited to see that Kyler Murray's favorite target was returning, and rightly so. The Cards managed to get a win and Murray didn't suck too much. The additional rest and steroids worked out well for DeAndre. Dat's team has been an enigma wrapped in bacon and deep-fried in mystery. I have no idea what to expect from one week to another. Only one thing is certain: It is bad luck to be an RB on this team. Something horrible is going to happen to you. Just ask Swift and Penny. Their blue tent on the sidelines resembles a M.A.S.H. unit.
All that being said, both of these teams are in contention and need a win to stay that way.

Bass(5-1!) vs. Hockanewbieloogy(3-3):

Alex is right where he belongs: the bottom of the lowest tier Division in Ragnarok. You gotta earn it in this League, buddy. Joe is proving that being the ultimate homer eventually pays off, unless you are a Lions fan of course. Could this be the year that Kelly, Thomas and Reed get redemption? Will Marv Levy stop spinning in his grave? Ok he isn't technically dead but he's 90 freaking 7 so close enough. Will Scott Norwood be able to leave the witness-protection program? Inquiring minds have nothing better to do so I guess we will find out.

Surt(2-4) vs. Portal-Hopping Snowmen(2-4):

Dave and Keith are now huge fans of TNF! Keith is drafting a proposal for Goodell that would move ALL games to Thursday. Sunday was supposed to be the day of rest after all. These teams have struggled mightily so far, but at least they're better than the Bruins. That's all I've got for this feces-fest.

AND NOW.......GAME OF THE WEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!!

Maulers(4-2) vs. WRMC(4-2):

We had to wade through a ton of muck to get to this featured clash of two powerhouses. Kent is the Overlord of Hel and that should scare the ever-loving shit out of everyone. That's like giving Cartman authoritie! Be afraid, be very afraid. Stu's success seems to hinge solely on avoiding scoring exactly 44 points. Yea I know, weird huh? Your guess is as good as mine on that one. The Maulers clearly forgot about bye weeks and ended up starting Devin Singletary and Kenneth Gainwell due to poor preparation. They were rewarded by only scoring 39 points last week. That'll learn'em. This should prove to be a pivotal game for these franchises and could be a preview to a play-off rematch. We will be watching this one closely, since most of the other games pale in comparison. Strange days indeed!

Side note: The soundtrack to this week's Scribblings was the most excellent Metallica album "S&M" which was performed live with the SF Orchestra. Truly epic!

Well kids that wraps it up here at Sanctuary Headquarters. May the FF gods smile loving upon everyone except Stu and the newB. GL y'all!

Futility & Failure
Scribbles Snavely - 10/16/2022
I am getting a late start here, as Charlie Sheen came over with some crack and hookers last night. That guy knows how to party!

TNF has been the object of much-deserved derision lately. Everyone knows it's a bad idea, but it fills the NFL coffers with extra gravy so who cares if key players suffer avoidable injuries and fans are subjected to emotional trauma that can never be healed. As long as Goodell and his cronies make bank all is good.

Here in Ragnarok there is also tragic failure that needs to be addressed. We have three 1-4 teams that bear further scrutiny. Ok well Dave being 1-4 isn't that much of a surprise. Seeing two multiple trophy winners is. The Bruins came out strong in Week 1, but the devastating injury to Jonathan Taylor has crippled them ever since. They actually rebounded with a respectable score last week, but they ran into the Upstate Buzzsaw that is Joe's Bass. The good news is they get a supposed gimme this week against the aforementioned Surt.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Keith has gone from a foe capable of dividing your cranium to an enigmatic shapeshifting portal-hopper. Have we as a League not learned anything from the (W)Reaver/Syndrome/Crush debacles? The newb's name change is fine because his original one was unpronounceable and stupid. The Bigfoots have been "led" by a string of mediocre QB's and once again Joe Mixon is a huge disappointment. The only reason Keith isn't 0-5 is because of Dat's inattention to his team, which should not happen in this League. Free wins are for those bullshit ESPN fuckers. The Feets get to play the newb, so we will see if this once proud franchise can right the ship.

There is a lot on the line, so let's go to the freakin' Match-ups!

Koo Dynasty(3-2) Vs. Valhalla Maulers(4-1):

The Dynasty have had trouble scoring points this year, and they are fortunate to be 3-2. Given the loss of their franchise RB this is understandable. The good news is that Stafford should have a career game against the utterly inept Panthers. This season's biggest surprise is the oddly competent Maulers. The bye week bug is biting them rather harshly and they are without both of their starting RB's so Sean may have lucked out to some extent. This is one of the best games this week as two Division leaders square off.

Once Respected Skullfuckers(1-4) vs. Da n00B(3-2):

Just the fact that we have allowed a newbie to flounce into our hallowed halls and go 3-2 in his rookie campaign should shame us all. We are better than this fellas! Keith's residence in Asgard is being severely jeopardized, while Alex is hot on the Mauler's heels in Hel. It's too early to call this a must-win for the Mebane clan, but a loss would dig a pretty deep hole. On the plus side, Keith does pickle the hell out of some eggs!

Machu Pichu Blast(2-3) vs. Roving Gamblers(2-3):

I feel like both of these teams are better than their records reflect. The unsuspecting Blast got cold-cocked last week by the Surt, so we will see how they respond. Big Mac has performed as advertised and is already asking for a trade away from the embarrassment that is the dreadful Panthers franchise. The Gamblers have lost two in a row and need to turn things around. With Davante Adams on the bye, this is a rather large lift. Billy and Jeremy are certainly capable of making a play-off run at this point but some things need to fall the right way for them. Another great game to keep an eye on.

Chairman Mao(2-3) vs. Walter Reed Medical Centre(4-1):

Dat's team has been all over the fucking place. They are harder to predict than the dreaded Bigfoot Denier. This week, nearly half of their team is either hurt or on the bye or both. Not a good time to be facing one of the best teams in the League. Stu's team isn't flashy but they get the job done. If it weren't for a stumble in Week 3 against the Thunder they'd be undefeated. The Battle for Bifrost is the most exciting story so far this season and it should only get better as we go. The Centre have no margin for error and need to spank Dat like the naughty little boy that he is.

Burnsville Bruins(1-4) vs. Black Surt(1-4):

As the saying goes, at least someone gets a win here. These two teams are the polar opposite of one another. Zach's poor record is largely due to factors beyond his control such as Matty Nice proving that he was the problem, not the Falcons. The injury to Taylor was huge and we hope Zach removes him from his line-up and doesn't pull a Dat/Swift fuck-up. Dave appears to have awoken from his summer hibernation and actually played well last week. His team isn't that bad on paper, so we will see if he can turn his shit-show around. I am baffled by finding a game featuring two teams with abysmal records being this intriguing. How bizarre how bizarre.

AND NOW........GAME OF THE WEEK!!!

Fowl Mouth Bass(4-1) vs. Asgard Thunder(3-2):

The Bass are a motherfathersisterbrotherfucking scoring machine. His 443 YTD points are far beyond every other team. He and Stu are savagely contending for the Bifrost title and it is gonna be bloody. The only bright spot for Erik is that Joe's rookie phenom RB Dameon Pierce is on the bye, and his only viable back-up is a pathetic Michael Carter. The Thunder are leading the League's most lackluster Division. Their impressive three week winning streak ended in a bitter loss to M:TG rival Kent last week. No pawing through his graveyard could save him. Things don't look promising for the Osage Overlord in this crucial contest. Kyler Murray and Stefon Diggs will have to step up bigtime for Eric to have a remote chance. Good luck with that!

Ok kids I think there are still some rocks to smoke and Charlie Sheen's sloppy seconds to savor so I am outta here. Remember: If you drink don't drive a lot and if you drive don't drink too much. If you smoke you'll only be going 25mph so not much bad can happen. We take public safety very seriously here at the Sanctuary!
GL to all!

Comedy is all about timing
Scribbles Snavely - 10/9/2022
I firmly believe that almost anything, no matter how horrible can eventually be funny. The key is to know how long to wait. For example Herbert Morrison after witnessing the crash of the Hindenburg would have been insensitive to opine: "On the bright side it looks like those brothers in NC have the Wright idea!".

This Thursday's "football game" between the Colts and Broncos has been ridiculed and made the subject of innumerable memes and supposed witticisms. Everyone seems to feel it's ok to joke about it. I disagree. It is too soon people. Think of the poor folks in the stands that had to watch that clown-car shitshow in person. They will require therapy for years if not their entire lives. Or consider the local TV advertiser who booked a spot in the fourth quarter that literally no one ever saw. Real harm was done and we need to respect that. Offering to sell Matt Ryan for 5mb is pretty hilarious, but he might possibly still have friends or family that care about him. Not teammates I would imagine but still. Let us be bigger people and refrain from the cheap shots that tempt us mightily. Do it for the children.

That said let's go to the MFing Match-Ups!

Dynasty(2-2) vs. Enormous Appendages(1-3):

What's that smell in the air? No it isn't Sean's Kung Pao farts. It's nostalgia. I recall the halcyon days when this rivalry was just as hot and objectionable as a sex scene in "House of Dragons." These guys used to matter. They were feared by all. And now they are scrambling to keep up with a wannabe pro bowler with a severely receding hairline. Oh the humanity.

Medical Centre(3-1) vs. Gamblers(2-2):

Speaking of the Hair Club for Men poster boy, Jeremy faces a stout opponent as Stu has been dominant despite a slight hiccup in Week 3. The Centre is in a fierce battle with the Bass for the lead in Bifrost. The Gamblers are the lowest scoring 3-1 team but somehow they are making silk purses out of sow's ears. Gotta love that Jewish ingenuity. This is a key match-up that has implications far beyond this week.

Bass(3-1) vs. Bruins(1-3):

The Battle for Bifrost is clearly going to be an exciting saga this season. Joe and the Bills are relevant again for some reason, while the defending Champ is struggling worse than Daniel Snyder trying to come up with a new name for his franchise. My suggestion of "The Grifters" apparently went unheeded. Injuries to his two top blue-chip players have cobbled Zach and it remains to be seen if they and he can recover. Another loss here would be devastating.

Blast(2-2) vs. Surt(0-4):

On paper, Dave's team doesn't look all that awful but they have not performed to the level they might be capable of. Other than the reliable Saquon Barkley, the rest of Billy's team is Tier 2 at best. They get a softball over the plate this week and have to capitalize as they are facing the Wonder Twins back-to-back the next two weeks. Will Jalen Hurts summon forth a miracle and get Dave his first win? No. He plays for the Iggles and baby they were born to lose.

Expectorant Mammals(2-2) vs. Mao(2-2):

It's the Newb Bowl Part 2! Hel is surprisingly competitive so far and this is one of the toughest contests of the Week. Alex is seeking revenge for the Week 3 drubbing Dat administered to him. It has been an up and down season for our beloved rookie and this is his chance to prove he can run with the big dawgs. Mao has a solid if not flashy squad and hopes to rebound after the ignominy of handing Keith his first win. Neither of these guys wants the shame of falling further behind Kent. Can ya blame them?

AND NOW........GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!

Maulers(3-1) vs. Thunder(3-1):

The Maulers haven't been this good since LaDanian Tomlinson retired. His RB's have shocked the League and Lamar Jackson has been mostly amazing. This is a team with a great deal of potential but we all know Kent will find a way to fuck it up. The Thunder have been bitten repeatedly by the injury bug but keep chugging along like the erstwhile rural mail delivery professionals they are. The spotlight is shining bright on these two teams as they vie for one of the top spots in Ragnarok. This should be one for the ages!

Ok kids I gotta wrap this up as I am hoping to have enough time to masturbate and take a shower before Alex comes to pick me up for the Football Social. Fortunately it doesn't take that much Thai tranny porn to get me off. Think about that before you fist bump me!
Good luck to All!!

Hurricane Aftermath
Scribbles Snavely - 10/2/2022
It's a mess here at the Sanctuary in the wake of Hurricane Ian (Hunter). Drawers were hastily flung open in search of batteries, the cooler was overfilled with adult hydration beverages and bowls were overpacked with relaxation enhancing substances. The research staff is wandering about like very quiet zombies and even the very thought of brains is enough to cause severe barfing. Fortunately we do not keep much in the way of cranial matter here at SVS Headquarters so the yakking has been minimal. That said, we will attempt to cobble together some semblance of witty and insightful Scribblings. Oh and fuck the NFL's insane insistence on forcing confused Brits to host an actual sport that doesn't encourage grown men to fall to the turf and cry like red-headed stepchildren every time they are so much as looked at sideways. Fuck soccer. Except the USA womens' team. I would be Rapinoe's bitch any day.

Ok let's give this a shot shall we?

Extremely Large Feet(0-3) vs. Meow(2-1):

If Keith doesn't win a game soon, he is reportedly threatening to quit FF, shut down the League and pursue his newest obsession: Professional VR putt-putt championships. I'm just saying. Dat is unexpectantly enjoying a two game winning streak but he needs to knock it off so Ragnarok can survive. Take one for the team, bro. History tells us that you know how to lose.

N0o0ob(1-2) vs. Dynasty(2-1):

Alex gets his first taste of Sean's FF taint, burrowing deep up in there to get all the flavor. It's ok dude we've all been there. The aroma is like soy sauce and burnt garlic. Once upon a time it smelled like Championships but those days are like dusty banners shoved into a closet somewhere in the Koo mansion. The once Arrogant Motherfucker is now just an Arrogant Wannabe but he still packs enough punch to whup a fledgling gob-splooger.
Welcome to Ragnarok. Enjoy the view.

Pardon the interruption. I had to feed my new squirrel-friends. Willow and Butt-Monkey are sooo adorable. Also, I am almost out of coffee, so the rest of these amazingly insightful observations will be enhanced with Miller High Life. It is the Champagne of Beers, you know. And the bowl is looking at me invitingly and since that's the only thing that seems to want my mouth on it these days I feel obliged to consent. Y'all have been warned.

Dave(0-3) vs. Stu(2-1):

I get it. Life is hard up there in Minnesota. The cops are preoccupied with shooting unarmed black people, the tundra is now only sorta frozen and mooses rampage everywhere. Dave can be forgiven for being distracted. If he is fine with sucking as big of a bag of dicks as Keith so be it. No fellatio shaming here. Stu suffered a major setback last week after an impressive start to the season. Nothing gets you back in the groove like playing against the Surt so enjoy!

Blast(2-1) vs. Bass(2-1):

Finally we come to a game worthy of mention. Billy and Joe square off in a contest that actually matters. The Blast are coming off of a crucial win over the defending Champ in the contentious Bifrost Division and need to keep the momentum rolling. The Bass lost a close game against Stu in Week 1, then responded by whupping Zach and winning against Dave. This is a premier match-up we will all be following closely.

Bruins(1-2) vs. Thunder(2-1):

Zach's campaign to defend his Championship is not going as planned. Perhaps he is preoccupied with the Trans-friendly revival of "Oklahoma" he is directing. Expectations may have been inflated after his Week 1 drubbing of the fucking newb, only to be brought down to Earth with two straight losses. As usual it is impossible to decipher what the hell Eric is up to but it seems to be working somehow. The Thunder started off badly but have gotten their shit together and are on a two game winning streak. Can it last? Inquiring minds need to know.

AND NOW.......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!

Gamblers(2-1) vs. Maulers(2-1):

As Jeremy attempts to Quantum Leap Back to the Future and trigger the Grandfather conundrum by undoing what has already been done in his attempt to gain Jewish Sainthood, the rest of us just shake our heads and think: "Bless his heart". He really is like a human golden retriever that just wants us to pet him and throw the ball one more time. Meanwhile in alternate reality-ville the usually hapless Maulers have stumbled into relevance and are second in scoring behind the Gamblers. This is an epic early season Throwdown that has serious implications moving forward. And I am not sure how it happened.

Good luck to All!!!!

Topsy-Turvy Don't Get Scurvy!
Scribbles Snavely - 9/25/2022
The very young NFL season has been full of surprises, which makes for an exciting and frustrating Fantasy landscape. Tua is ascending, while Brady seems to be fading. Perhaps we are at a pivotal point in NFL history, as the norms are broken and new precedents are becoming the reality. How the Owners in Ragnarok respond to these upheavals will determine their success.

A few years ago, drastic changes were enacted to bring better parity and competitiveness to our League. Those efforts have paid off and the results can be seen already this season. There are only two undefeated teams and two winless teams. Hel is the most tightly contested Division. Aside from the anomaly that is the Black Surt's meager 72 combined YTD points, things are pretty even so far. This week features some huge clashes that will go a long way toward shaping the futures of several teams. Without further ado, let's go to the Match-Ups!

Mao(1-1) vs. Hockaloogy(1-1):

Mao paid forward the drubbing he took in Week 1 by trouncing the Gamblers last week. Five players scored double digits, and Aaron Jones led the way with 24 points. Tampa Bay DF scored 22, which is probably a fluke but still. Scurrilous rumors that I hesitate to even repeat claim that the n0Ob promised Lamar Jackson a luxurious BJ in exchange for fumbling on the goal line and securing his victory over the Maulers. Jackson has not responded to our request for comment. The fact remains that the newb did secure a win and now the Hel Division is wide-ass open. This is a crucial game and will be watched intently by all.

Maulers(1-1) vs. Bigfoots(0-2):

The Maulers have the inglorious mantle of having given the N00b his very first Ragnarok victory, on top of losing two starters and the best defender in the NFL. That's gotta sting. Meanwhile the transition from Splitting Skulls to lurking about Interdimensionaly has not gone well for Keith. Both of these teams desperately need a win here. The Bigfoots have to decide which really shitty QB to start, while the Maulers have to try and cobble together something that resembles a team with the uninjured players he has available. Good luck fellas!

Thunder(1-1) vs. WRMC(2-0):

Led by the incredible Stefon Diggs, the Thunder rebounded from an anemic Week 1 performance by beating up on the sickly kid on the playground. For shame! This contest will show whether Eric's team is for real as he is facing the mighty Medical Centre on Stu's birthday week! The Centre have been very consistent in scoring 77 and 78 points each week. They aren't flashy but they get the job done. Bifrost is the best Division at this point, so Stu needs a win to stay ahead of the pack. Another premier showdown in Week 3!

I shall pause these Scribbles briefly as it has become Beer-Thirty!

Blast(1-1) vs. Bruins(1-1):

These teams are quite similar, having both had one very good week and one stinky week. In Week 1 Billy subjected Eric to the BLAST ZONE, only to falter the next week versus the Medical Centre. The Champ rightfully destroyed the nooooobie only to get a severe drubbing by Joe last week. These newly minted Champions have a chance to embellish their legacy and get back on course. Will Saquon Barkley continue his resurgence? Will Jaylon keep on Waddling? Stay tuned to this thrilling battle!

Bass(1-1) vs. Surt(0-2):

This is on paper the least appealing game this week, "featuring" a Bass team that lost a heartbreaker in Week 1 to the Centre followed by a severe thrashing of the Champ last week. Josh Allen is the obvious star for Joe and the rest of his line-up is solid. This is a team that could go deep into the Play-offs. Dave is apparently mesmerized by the reboot of the Kardashians' reality show and isn't paying any attention whatsoever to football. There is talk that he might be replaced in his Ownership duties by a crack smoking manatee. PETA has filed an objection claiming this would violate the endangered species act. Not much to see here, people.

And Now.........SNUGGLE OF THE WEEK!!!!!

Dynasty(2-0) vs. Gamblers(1-1):

Ah yes! The hint of Fall is in the air. Time to don our Marvel-themed onesies and curl up with a bowl of popcorn, some lubricant and plenty of tissues. It's the annual Brosnugglegrope-a-thon. Only slightly less gross than the ballpit at Chucky Cheese, we are witness again to this totally wrong spectacle of two "grown" men in the throes of brokeback infatuation. The Dynasty is seeking to reclaim past glory and is off to an impressive start. So far they have easily picked the low-hanging fruit that is the two winless teams in the League, so this is their first serious challenge. Can they stop fondling Jeremy's increasingly shiny head long enough to focus on winning? Jeremy's Gamblers have been wildly unpredictable, unlike his stellar career as a professional bowler. In Week 2 he scored less than half his points in Week 1. Only Mahomes managed to get into double digits. He needs the rest of his roster to step up if he hopes to beat his analingual rival in the prestigious Asgard Division. All eyes are partially averted on this primetime smackdown!

Good luck to all! (Except the n00b of course).

Scribbles is back!
Scribbles Snavely - 9/18/2022
Greetings and salutations football freaks! This is my first missive to be penned from the luxurious confines of the Steel Viking Sanctuary. Despite the upgrade in living conditions, I promise to uphold the rigorous journalistic standards I previously ignored with wild contempt. No fact will go unmolested, no opposing viewpoint will survive withering criticism and no beers will be harmed in the creation of these Scribbles.

Draft Weekend was a wonder of Brotherhood and Friendship replete with hugs, dog slobber and chickens! Many many thanks to the Mickelsons et al for graciously welcoming us into their amazing home. The grounds were painstakingly manicured and dotted with strategic plops of pup poop to keep us alert. The World Class Croquet course was wacky and inventive. I think Stu is still trying to get out of the Interdimensional Portal as we speak. The Bigfoot Denier is totally unfair and my lawyers will be seeking redress. We had fun, we frolicked and there was even a surprise cameo appearance by Scott. What the fuck more could ya ask for? Ok yea, crack and hookers but this was a family friendly event and we are not the Sheen family now are we? Don't answer that. Keith's pickled eggs delighted our palettes and tormented our buttholes. Speaking of eggs, after all that shit talking from the n00B about how he was gonna rickroll Ragnarok, he came out in Week 1 and laid a big ol' ostrich sized eggy-wegg. Welcome to Ragnarok spittle-boy! This ain't yer Daddy's ESPN League. Time to pull up the husky boy panties and run with the big dawgs. God bless Lauren for putting up with you.

That being said, hows about we go to the motherfucking match-ups?!

Roving Gamblers(1-0) vs. Chairman Mao(0-1):
Jeremy's Jew-guilt made him flee to Florida, a state now known for it's dedication to love and inclusiveness. There he somehow managed to start his own mini-Pandemic. Did you not read Exodus dude? It doesn't go well when y'all wander off on your own. Please come back. We missed you. The isolation did result in a scarily competent Gamblers team that destroyed Keith's Large Feet in the first game, posting a hundred burger right off the bat. Oh vey! Dat continues his tradition of being a super fun guy to party with and the opponent everyone is excited to be matched against each week. All hail the face of Hel now and forever.

Interdimensional Bigfoots(0-1) vs. Koo Dynasty(1-0):
This rivalry is sooooo 2017. It's hard to believe that what once spawned banners and racist tattoos has become a sad relic of a bygone era. I know we aren't supposed to teach Critical Keith Theory in the schools, but I for one am glad to see that systemic Kooism has been purged from our League. Somewhere out there are millions of Kentlets that believe that someday they too might adorn the cornhole board Roll of Champions. They're wrong of course but let's not tell them that. Keith needs to vanquish his nemesis to get back in the mix way up there in Asgard or else it will just be a Jeremy and Sean snugglehuddle. Ew. Koo posted a workman-like win over Dave's underperforming team as one might expect.

The Champ(1-0) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(0-1):
What's more fun than beating up on the newb? NOTHING! Absolutely NOTHING! (Ok maybe getting a handjob from a crack whore in the back seat of a taxi at 3am in the bad section of Durham, but I digress.) The Hatfields and McCoys are shooting up the scenery up thar in the hills so y'all watch out! Joe scored 1 more point than the Champ last week but he ran into the meat grinder that is Dr. Mayhem and lost. Revenge is sweet my friend. Hack yourself off a nice slice.

WRMC(1-0) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(1-0):
This is the only match-up featuring two undefeated teams, and it's only Week 2. Holy fuck. If it wasn't for the slap'n'tickle fest of Kent vs. the newb this would be Game Of The Week. Stu and Billy posted the 3rd and 4th highest scores last week so we can expect a thrilling match here. The Blast easily dispatched the Thunder but face a much tougher foe. Oddsmakers are in a tizzy trying to vet this one. I can't wait to see how this plays out!

Black Surt(0-1) vs. Asgard Thunder(0-1):
Ok Minnesota boys could y'all at least pretend like you know what the fuck yer doing? Even if we combined your scores from last week you'd only place fourth. What's the problem? Global warming? Dismay over discovering Brett Favre is not only a serial fake retiree but also bilked the taxpayers out of millions that were supposed to go to pandemic relief? I can understand Eric being distracted by having an actual human female living with him but what is Dave's excuse? It's way too fucking early to be moose season. Get your shit together or we will have DeSantis fly yer asses to Marth's Vineyard. You've been warned.

AND NOW........GAME of the WEEK!!!!!!!

Helheim Hockaloogy(0-1) vs. Valhalla Maulers(1-0):
This match-up features the worst cornhole team since Michael J. Fox and Stephen Hawking. Apparently, the advice Alex got from Flooger's left over Fantasy draft magazines from the early 2000's wasn't helpful. If Baby Chark is your highest scoring player and no-one managed to break double digits, you suck donkey dicks. Nice big wet juicy burro phalluses.
You suck them first thing in the morning and just before you go to bed at night. You suck them with wild abandon and a smile on your cock-filled face. You suck them like it's a Tik-Tok challenge. You suck them sitting, standing and on your knees. You suck them like Cartman's mom fer heaven's sake. I'd go on but I'm running out of beer and we can't have that. The Maulers score from last week appears impressive, but it is highly unlikely they'll get 20+ points from the Steelers DF ever again, given the Commish's crusade to keep DFs as irrelevant as possible. Could this be the season Kent frees himself from Hel and becomes a real boy like some FF Pinocchio? Probably not but Alex and Dat seem intent on helping him in that quest. I guess every circus needs a clown car.

That's it for now true believers. It was so good to see everyone that matters at the Draft. Love y'all like distant cousins!

Fucking Lockbox is ready for submissions
Commish - 9/4/2022
If you go to your team homepage, there is now a link in the leftside menu where you can submit your lockbox pick(s). Just be aware that with great power comes great responsibility. If you configure your pick(s) and don't put in the exact draft round and pick number within that round, it will not go through at the time of the draft.

Official 2022 Ragnarok Keepers
Commish - 8/15/2022
Gamblers: Davante Adams, Ja'Marr Chase (2nd)
Dynasty: Derrick Henry, Trey Lance (6th)
Bigfoots: Joe Mixon, Javonte Williams (2nd)
Medical Center: Austin Ekeler, Rashod Bateman (7th)
Spitting Llamas: Tyreek Hill
Blast: Christian McCaffrey
Thunder: David Montgomery, Najee Harris (2nd)
Mao: Aaron Jones
Black Surt: Dalvin Cook
Fowl Mouth Bass: Josh Allen
Bruins: Jonathan Taylor, Jaylen Waddle (5th)
Maulers: Cooper Kupp

CustomizedDrafts.com is now open for 2022
Commish - 8/7/2022
You can now login to CustomizedDrafts.com and do mock drafts for the 2022 season. In addition, everyone who participated in last year's Ragnarok draft can view the actual draft room. For both convenience sake and for the n00bie, there is also a screenshot of the draft room and the trades key, below.

As part of the seasonal change, I also added the feature where all previous season's leagues are copied to the new season (including league configurations, teams, etc.). This makes it really easy to jump back in and get drafting - simply adjust the draft order, rename one team name to be Helheim Hockaloogy, put in your guesses on who the franchise players will be, and start mock drafting.

I just got this up and running today and have done a couple of mock drafts, and overall it seems to be working. If anyone runs into technical issues, please let me know. Thanks!

Ragnarok 2022 Official Draft Order
Commish - 7/15/2022

Medical Center
Blast
Mao
Black Surt
Maulers
Thunder
Fowl Mouth Bass
Bigfoots
Gamblers
Dynasty
Bruins
Hraesvelgrs N00b

Ragnarok 2022 Official Schedule is Released
Commish - 6/4/2022
The league office has sacked the entire I.T. department for previously posting an incorrect Ragnarok schedule. Asked for comment, the league issued a statement saying, "What were we paying them for?"

The new and official Ragnarok 2022 schedule is here.

Ragnarok Hits the Silver Anniversary and Announces 2022 Divisional Realignments
Commish - 4/15/2022
After 25 years of fantasy football, fun, and camaraderie, Ragnarok has reached the silver anniversary milestone. And with the annual reset of the league comes the official realignment of its divisions. For the silver anniversary of Ragnarok, here are the divisional breakouts in the order of historical power rankings:

ASGARD
Interdimensional Bigfoots
Roving Gamblers
Koo Dynasty

BIFROST
Frewsburg Fowl Mouth Bass
Walter Reed Medical Center
Burnsville Bruins

MIDGARD
Machu pichu Blast
Black Surt
Asgard Thunder

HEL
Open Team
Chairman Mao
Valhalla Maulers

25 Years and A New Beginning
Oscar - 4/1/2022
It has never been revealed until now, but like the rhythm of cicadas there is a renaming of a legendary Ragnarok franchise.

It is hereby announced that the Jotunheim Skullsplitters will now be renamed to be the Interdimensional Bigfoots for Ragnarok Years 25-49.

The Real Deal!
Scribbles Snavely - 12/5/2021
Fuck Black Friday and Cyber Monday! Here at Scribbles' Glass Asylum HQ we are having our annual End-Of-Season Blowout Clearance Super-Duper Price Slashing Extravaganza! We are OVERSTOCKED on many items! You want withering witticisms? I got'em for half price! Snarky trash talk? 10% off if you losers think you can handle it! Heartfelt declarations of Love and Brotherhood? Normally priceless but for my treasured brethren $10 each or 3 for $20! How do I do it? VOLUME! I can make this shit up all day, people! Get the Chappelle Bundle- Your choice of any 6 misogynistic musings, overused racial stereotypes or transgender miscomprehensions for the LOW PRICE of $100! Cheaper than a seat at one of his painfully uncomfortable shows! Sly sexual innuendoes? You know ya want'em big boy so cum and get'em! Best offer gets a happy ending included FREE!

I know you are thinking that this is too good to be true BUT WAIT! Act now and everyone gets a complimentary.....Look At The Match-Ups!

Bass(6-5-1) vs. Gamblers(8-4):
In the hotly contested Midgard Division, the Bass need to win and for the Center to lose to take the lead. As it should be, the Bass live and die by their beloved Bills but the bad news is that the Bills face a stout Patriot DF this week. Joe has been wildly inconsistent this year so who the fuck knows how his team is gonna do. He crushed the Center last week to stay alive and now he faces an even bigger test. The Gamblers sit uneasily upon the Asgard Throne, a mere game ahead of the rabid Skullsplitters whom they defeated last week. This is not the time to take your foot off the pedal of your Prius, Jeremy! Go for the throat!

Skulls(7-5) vs. Surt(3-9):
Dave's days in Asgard are clearly numbered despite a win last week over the equally woeful Mao. I am sure he would love to play spoiler here, but it doesn't seem likely. The Skulls were on a three game rampage until Jeremy nerf-batted them about the head and shoulders last week. Keith needs to shoot this wounded duck outta the sky and claim an easy win to stay in the Play-Off discussion. Be strong and fierce like a Sasquatch!

Maulers(4-7-1) vs. Blast(4-8):
Chapel Hill vs. Carrboro in a game that probably doesn't mean shit. Math is hard so I am not gonna speculate whether Billy is technically out of the hunt to defend his Title, but it seems only slightly less likely than Marjorie Taylor Greene passing a psyche exam. Glory is fleeting and we can only wonder if it will be another twenty years or so until the Blast repeat. Speaking of unlikely, the chance that Kent will EVER win a Championship whether shit faced drunk or simply stoned off his ass will be left for stronger stomachs than mine to contemplate. I do know this: You better stay the FUCK out of his chair!

Center(7-5) vs. SCHEME(5-7):
Now we get to the red meat. Midgard has been the big door prize in Ragnarok this season and it is still up for grabs. As you may or may not remember, the newb made his presence known in Week 1 by posting a hundredburger over this same team. Much has transpired since then but through it all we have seen an incredibly tight race in Midgard. Stu got spanked by Joe last week, and not in the fun way. Everything is riding on this game and all eyes will be eagerly watching.

Mao(2-10) vs. Thunder(7-5):
Eric's victory last week over the Maulers coronated him as Lord of Hel, which is certainly appropriate. This is mostly a mopping up exercise as Mao continues his quest to find new depths of ineptitude. That is why y'all had the Super Sonics taken away from ya, Dat.

AND NOW......a Bargain at Half the Price.....GAME OF THE WEEK!!!

Dynasty(10-2) vs. Bruins(8-4):
Bifrost bragging rights are on the line, as both of these teams are headed for the Play-Offs. Koo has struggled lately, and his roster has more injuries than a Travis Scott concert. These teams met in Week 3 and Sean barely won by a mere 8 points. The Bruins are the hottest team in the League, with a five game winning streak going into the post season. Like a good lover, Zach knows when to climax! Attitude is so important to becoming the Champion and the Dynasty can make a bold statement by winning this one. It is also not unlikely that these guys will face each other again, so I am looking forward to seeing how it all shakes out!

GL and congrats to all for such a fun and exciting Season! Love ya guys.

Hero Time, Time to Shine!
Scribbles Snavely - 11/28/2021
Although Henry Rollins turned out to be a thick-necked dickhead, his words still ring true. This is no time for rants, screeds diatribes or god help us...poetry. This particularly volatile season is drawing to an epic close, and Week 12 features six games that all have major relevance for the Play-Offs.(OK 5 but I was trying to be nice) Hero Time indeed, boys. As they say, the proof is in the pudding which makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Let's go to the Match-Ups and try to make sense of that.

Machu Pichu Blast(4-7) vs. Burnsville Bruins(7-4):
The Season began with Zach and Billy facing each other in a clash of the two most recent Champions. Back then it looked like Mahomes and McCaffrey would repeat their total dominance in FF. Big Mac would soon be sidelined with an injury and Mahomes would prove to be maddeningly inconsistent. The Blast have their stud RB back in the line-up and are on a three game winning streak. The Bruins will go with Dalton as Mahomes and his beloved Chiefs are on the bye. Zach boasts a four game streak of his own, so somethings gotta give here. Revenge would be sweet for Mr. Buckley in his desperate bid to defend his Title.

Fowl Mouth Bass(5-5-1) vs. WRMC(7-4):
If the regular season ended before this week, The Bass would be on the outside of the Play-Off picture looking in, while the Center would claim the Midgard Division. These teams met in Week 8 and the result was yet another tie for Joe, but he lost the HC breaker this go round. Midgard has been the most consistently competitive Division this year and this game will certainly further that trend. Make or break time for Joe, and his Bills squad have spotted him a nice lead.

Koo Dynasty(9-2) vs. POSI SCHEME(5-6):
The Dynasty have lost two in a row and no longer look quite so invincible. Their woes at RB are mostly to blame and Brady will once again have to carry Sean, which is no small proposition. The newb seems unlikely to make the Play-Offs in his inaugural season, but it's not impossible if he wins this one. Tommy faces his toughest test yet as he attempts to impact the League in a big way. Be warned- the merciless Dynasty give no quarter.

Asgard Thunder(6-5) vs. Valhalla Maulers(4-6-1):
Winning the Hel Division title is pretty much the only way either of these teams can make the Big Show. A lot has to go Kent's way for that to happen, and a loss here seals his fate. The bad taste of Eric's bitter loss by tie in Week 5 lingers like rancid moose meat on the tongue. This fierce rivalry will add a new bloody chapter to their epic Norse Saga. For Odin!

Black Surt(2-9) vs. Chairman Mao(2-9):
And then there's this. T-Ball Trophies and Kool-Aid will be served at the game's conclusion. We thank you both for contributing as best you could and we are all inspired by your pluck and determination despite sucking like a couple of trailer park meth whores on a busy Friday night. Get cozy fellas cause you two may be enjoying Hel together very soon. Bless yer hearts.

AND NOW>>>>>>>>>GAME OF THE WEEK!@#*!!

Jotunheim Skullsplitters(7-4) vs. Roving Gamblers(7-4):
As they say, this one is for the whole ball of wax which makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Who the hell wants a ball of wax? Did it come outta someone's ear? Ewww! Since 2015 Keith and Jeremy have each only missed the Play-Offs once. Keith claimed a pair of Titles as well. Asgard is an attitude personified by the people worthy of being there. The Gamblers have occupied Asgard for all three Seasons it has existed, while Keith is a recent inhabitant. In 2018 the Skulls beat Jeremy to claim 3rd place for the Season and the rivalry goes back even further. This Season started with the Skulls beating the Gamblers. Hang the fuck on because everyone will be watching this throwdown to decide the Fate of Asgard!

The Freewheelin' Jeremy Goldstein
Scribbles Snavely - 11/21/2021
In light of the Rittenhouse trial and verdict I had intended to author an extensive screed considering how armed people now seem to have State sanctioned Constitutional superpowers of self defense that unarmed folks do not. I was going to examine the inherent racism that continues to poison our judicial and law enforcement institutions and is being utilized by the Right to engineer all manner of shenanigans.

Then I woke up this morning and smoked a fat juicy bowl and decided so say fuck that bullshit. Life is too short to waste time on crap I can't change in any case. Instead and for no real reason whatsoever I have decided to spotlight one of my beloved Ragnarok brethren: Jeremy. Maybe it's his winning smile or his genial good nature. But don't let that boyish charm fool ya. Jeremy is a fierce competitor who won two Super Bowls way back before the World Gone Wrong. And you can't discuss our Roving Gambler without acknowledging his namesake: Mr. Robert Zimmerman. Adorned in his Brand New Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat, Jeremy always causes a stir on the runway, and his bowling style is pure Love and Theft. So let's hold hands with the Jack-Off of Hearts(or maybe not) and Revisit Highway 61 as we travel Together Through Life. On to the Match-Ups and remember: Everybody Must Get Stoned!

Time Out of Mind
Blast(3-7) vs. Bass(5-4-1):
The Carolina Panthers have harnessed time travel, and with a healthy Big Mac and SuperCam back at the helm they're gonna party like it's 2015. Billy has surged to three wins in four games and isn't giving up the Crown without a fight. Joe lucked the fuck out last week against the Dynasty as Sean posted his worst stat-line of the season with his entire team including the bench only managing 44 points. The Bass are still a half game from the lead in Midgard and need this win.

A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall
Roving Gamblers(6-4) vs. SCHEME(5-5):
Like Mr. Jones, a newbie coming into Ragnarok knows there's something happening here but ya don't know what it is. Tommy has figured it out though and boasts an impressive rookie season so far. Two-Straws is right in the thick of the battle for Midgard but faces some stiff competition. The Gamblers are defending the honor of Asgard in these Modern Times while fending off the dangerous Skullsplitters. The Play-offs loom not so far ahead and this game could be a deal-breaker for these teams.

Good As I Been To You
Skullsplitter(6-4) vs. Maulers(4-5-1):
In a recent interview with the Mauler's Owner, he admitted that rival Owner Mickelson has had a huge influence on him, especially in regards to music. He credits Keith with exposing him to everything from polka to Esquivel to Nancy Sinatra and Early Man. The research team here at Glass Asylum HQ's have uncovered a surprising fact: Bob Dylan and his childhood pals actually invented heavy metal in the Zimmerman garage, forming the short-lived band Menoricca! who had one hit single entitled "Dreidel of Destruction". The band featured Bob on harmonica and pennywhistle, "Shleppy" Shleppenstein on drums and Big Mamma Mona Rosencrantzenstern on accordion, vocals and hand-jobs in the basement. Keith and Kent have been going at it for years, but not in the adorable yet creepy way Sean and Jeremy do. Precious few snuggles here as they square off for an epic slugfest. The Skulls are one of the almost elite four teams that have 6-4 records. The Maulers are trying to gain ground on the Thunder who have what appears to be an easier match-up this week. As the 17th father said to the next to last son: "Some ass is getting whipped."

Blood On the Tracks
Surt(2-8) vs. Thunder(5-5):
Bison season must have come early up in Minnesota, and Dave's team appears to have wandered off the reservation. Eric is in a gory battle down there in Hel and this week offers a perfect opportunity to distance themselves from the wacky Maulers. This could be sadder than the clubbing of baby seals. Let's see if the Surt can avoid ending up on Desolation Row.

Another Side of Chairman Mao
Mao(2-8) vs. Bruins(6-4):
Momma's at the Factory she ain't got no shoes, Daddy's in the alley he's looking for food and Dat's in the kitchen with the Tombstone Blues. Meanwhile Zach is a ruin causin' Bruin and has been on a tear with three wins in a row. This is another game that may turn fugly as the weak begin to get winnowed out.

AND NOW.......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!!!

Bringing It All Back Home
WRMC(6-4) vs. Dynasty(9-1):
Back in 2010, Stu went balls deep crazy and finished 11-2 on his way to winning the Super Bowl and briefly interrupting Sean's string of Rings. Koo is one angry Asian on a quest for revenge and redemption, which is the plot of 99% of all anime. This is an epic meeting with a ton of history behind it. Of course fucking Koo already has 36 points on the board thanks to the All-Universe New England Cheating Ass Patriots DF and Very Special Teams Dirty Tricksters. Stu has been a steamroller ever since Week 4 but this is one hell of a speedbump. All eyes are on these two heavy-weight contenders and this could easily be a pairing we will see in the next round. Like a Rolling Stone that gathers no moss but does fall out of a coconut tree, let's get it on!

Gl to all and Happy Thanksgiving!

Glass Asylum Update
Scribbles Snavely - 11/14/2021
Hard to believe we are well into November already. Work has been crazy, with corporate pushing out all manner of holiday crap I didn't necessarily need or have anywhere to display, but the good thing about this being my second Holiday season at the Hairy Tweeter is that I knew this shit was coming and didn't get blindsided like last year. One quick note from our sponsors: If you are a cheese lover, there's tons of really good stuff on sale for seriously cheap. If you have an HT close by check it out.

This reporter has a birthday upcoming. Last year was a milestone and I suppose from here on out it's gonna be more millstones than anything. I am at the crossroads between "Been There" and "Done That." But just when I resign myself to a boring life of caring for my outdoor menagerie and the rescue stuffies, two opportunities to do things I never thought I would find myself considering have appeared unexpectedly. Even in the best of times I was not a fan of flying. I don't like heights in general and from the moment I set foot into a plane I am convinced I am going to die. That feeling does not abate until the fucking thing is back safely on the ground. Add in the extra dangers and hassles of COVID and I pretty much had decided to never fly again. Chirp, my best friend from high school retired to Columbia, South America partly because the exchange rate is very favorable but mostly because he favors hot young Latino guys. He is offering to fly me down and back. When he first proposed it I was seriously resistant. He mentioned that I used to fly to SF and back regularly when I was seeing a couple women out there. I was like, yeah! because I knew I was gonna get laid in return for risking my life. And he was like, duh! you think there aren't scores of smoking chicks down here that would love to meet an American guy with cash to burn? And I was like, fuck! why didn't you lead with that dumbass? I can be at the airport in an hour! I believe my abilities to burn cash with wild abandon have been well documented. And I do need to have as much sexy fun time as I can while I still don't require little blue pills to do so.

So that's mind-blowing thing one. Here's number two. I did not excel in school. I was already a proficient reader by the time I hit 1st grade, and spent my entire sentence in public kid prison bored off my ass watching those other idiots try to catch up. The only reason I bothered to attend High School long enough to barely graduate was that's where the girls were not to mention my many customers. You can sell drugs just sitting in your room, but it's easier at school. Once I graduated, I was done with Seriously High-er Education. Aside from being Serv-Safe certified a number of times and completing two levels of Chef training at UNC Hospital I've not required further education to enhance my career in the glamorous food service industry. Then the other day I got an e-mail from my first wife Alyson's hubby. It had a link to a program the University of Vermont is offering in cheese mongering. Vermont is of course one of the premier states for cheese so I trust they know their shit. It's a four week course of 8-10 hours a week at a cost of $750. Completion earns a Certificate in cheese stuff. Once the holiday insanity is over, I plan to approach my store manager and see if HT would be willing to support me in this. Even if they don't I plan to do it anyway. I've never invested in myself in that way and I think it would not only be really cool and interesting to learn more but it's not the worst thing to have in your back pocket in these uncertain times. And I can irritate everyone by saying that I am certifiably cheesy! Win-win! Watch this space for updates on these two exciting adventures in Kentlandia. I am Kentfident nothing can go horribly wrong.

Speaking of shit going horribly wrong, let's go to the Match-Ups!

WRMC(5-4) vs. Black Surt(2-7):
Stu took a tough loss last week against the Blast, but they get to face another struggling team this week. Of the three 2-7 teams, sadly it seems that Dave's squad is the least likely to rebound and make a run. They just can't get points on the board. The Centre share the lead in Midgard with POSI and Joe is right in there as well. Truly no room for error in this Division so Stu needs to grab this low-hanging fruit and squeeze gently yet firmly. They already have 14 points which is almost half of what ya need to beat the Surt these days.

Chairman Mao(2-7) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(2-7):
This is a far more intriguing match that it looks like on paper. Mao is coming off his worst showing of the Season, while Billy shows signs of life now that Big Mac is back. The winner here pulls ahead in the race to be the best team with the worst record. If Dat's team looks like St. Anne's Catholic Girl School for the Blind again this week the Champ should cruise to an easy W.

Koo Dynasty(9-0) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(4-4-1):
Ok let me get this straight- even without Brady AND Henry fucking Koo manages to score 51 points, largely thanks to the NE DF fer godsakes. Joe's Bass is boldly bucking the 5-4 trend but things aren't so peachy in Guiffridaville. They fell victim to the dreaded tie-monster two weeks ago and then took a skullfucking from the Splitters last week. Time is running out and this is the week to get back on track, or else. Starting Connor might help, what? Meanwhile Sean is looking like that video of a giant alligator swallowing a mere 6-foot gator whole. The mere six-footer would be rest of us sorry fuckers. Le sigh.

Burnsville Bruins(5-4) vs. Asgard Thunder(5-4):
One of two 5-4 team battles this week, this features a Bruins squad that has a two game winning streak going, despite Mahomes having a Ryan Leaf level meltdown and simply forgetting how to play football. Muppet-head better get it together because Zach's only hope of making the play-offs is to get a wild card slot. Eric stayed a half game ahead of the Maulers in Hel and is gonna keep the pedal to the metal heading down the home stretch. This should be one hell(Hel?) of a game!

POSI SCHEME(5-4) vs. Jotunheim Skullsplitters(5-4):
The newb has the worst team with a good record. They are one of three teams yet to break the 600 pt. mark, and the other two are 2-7. Rookie luck can only get ya so far, and this is where the rubber's gonna meet the road. Tommy has Wilson back so that's a good sign. He will need all the help he can get. Keith looked impressive last week in wracking up 94 points, but he is without blue chip RB Mixon this week. One imagines Keith feverishly devising some diabolical scheme of his own in the secret underground laboratory beneath Mebane Estates. We are into the meat of the season. Humanely raised of course before being brutally slaughtered.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!

Valhalla Maulers(4-4-1) vs. Roving Gamblers(5-4):
The improbably Mighty Maulers are second in the Power Rankings second only to fucking Koo.
They will be without Kyler Murray who is still shacking out the cobwebs after getting his clock cleaned. Despite being on the shit end of the Saquon Barkley gambit, Jeremy has cobbled together quite the season so far and continues to show why Asgard is the gold standard of Ragnarok. At this point in the season, everyone's line-up is a shitshow and the byes aren't helping. The forge of determination and smart moves is where Champions are made. No mater how brutal this one gets, we know there will be goo

Winter Is Coming
Scribbles Snavely - 11/7/2021
I never read much or watched "Game of Thrones" so I don't fully get the reference, but it does sound sinister and foreboding. At Alicia's insistence I read the first book, but it was too much like Russian literature home work for my taste.

I do not care for the cold. I fully understand why my Viking ancestors kept sailing off to temperate climes in search of gold, glory and hot Moroccan chicks. They were mostly just trying to get warm. When I was a child I complained to my mother that the pretty leaves were all falling out and the birdies and squirrels were not around as much. She explained that in the winter everything goes to sleep, and then in the spring it all wakes up again. 7 year old Kent was having none of that and replied "What if it doesn't? This is stupid. I hate it." and proceeded to storm back inside to read comics.

To this day I feel pretty much the same. Winter is Nature's way of saying that she can shut this shit down anytime she wishes and not even the Sun could save us from an icy tomb should her displeasure become severe. Humans are playing a dangerous game and Nature seems to be daring us to continue doing stupid shit and see what happens.

Years ago there was a particularly blustery evening, the kind where you can feel the electricity in the air. A much younger and far more foolish version of myself stood on the porch of an old haunted house I was living and doing questionable things in. I experienced that most rare occurrence as a poet or any artist when one becomes not so much a creator as an instrument of creation itself. This is my favorite thing I've written inspired by that moment.

"When the Wind is Restless"

When the Wind is restless
The world is on an edge
Hanging o'er a precipice
With one hand off the ledge

Soon the sky seems cloudy
And Darkness haunts the land
The animals grow quiet
Fear fills the hearts of men

As if an evil Wizard
Cast a baneful spell
Night cries echo everywhere
Awakened from their Hell

The sane are snuggled safely
Leaving naught to chance
Whilst I am strolling boldly
To meet the Demon's glance

A Fool perhaps, or hero
They're one and the same
For when the Wind is restless
I am also hard to tame.

KRiS

Henceforth to the Match-Ups fellows!

Medical Centre(5-3) vs. Blast(1-7):
Due to the coaching prowess of Mike Vrabel, Stu avoided the dreaded tie that is dogging Joe this season and kept his five game winning streak alive. The Center feature a solid line-up that is oddly healthy ftm. Billy finally got a win over the Thunder last week and can become a feared underdog with a repeat performance. As of this writing they have some bye week challenges in their roster and will need to correct that by kick-off. This game is crucial to WRMC in the super-tight Midgard Division.

SCHEME(5-3) vs. Bruins(4-4):
I am so looking forward to this battle between two formidable contenders. Either the newb is defying the learning curve or we've simply all gotten stupider over the years. Just sayin'. Two-Straws' wins aren't the prettiest, but then neither is he. (That tiara still belongs to the former noob. Love ya Dat!) But Tommy has been getting the job done and that's what counts. Perennial pluckster Zach has had a roller-coaster kind of season so anything can happen. With blood already in the water from Thursday night's game this shit is so on. Kick ass guys!

Skulls(4-4) vs. Bass(4-3-1):
Another prime-time game in an action packed week here in Ragnarok. Keith has dropped 4 of the last 5 games and allowed Jeremy to overtake him in Asgard. This is a squad that is reeling and had better get better real fast. Tie-Master Bass is obviously frustrated and chickenfishing his way ahead in Midgard's brutal ranks. He knows better than to underestimate Squanchy. The 'Splitters have to have some things fall just right for them to get this extremely important victory.

Surt(2-6) vs. Maulers(3-4-1):
The second-lowest scoring team meets the third highest scoring team. This has the potential to be a bloodbath although Dave has shown flashes of lightning here and there. His last two outings have been weak but he faces a Maulers team that is 0-3 the last three weeks so that is promising. This is the type of game that makes or breaks a season so we'll be keeping a close eye on it.

Gamblers(5-3) vs. Thunder(4-4):
If Koo weren't so annoyingly successful, this would be the GotW. Two Division leaders square off with huge implications at stake. The Gamblers were the Dynasty's latest victim coming off their biggest win of the season over Mao. How quickly Jeremy can unhurt his butt will determine his fate today one assumes. Eric and Kent have been tooth and nail for dominance in Hel, and the Thunder finally overtook the Maulers for the first time. A win here would make a definite statement and keep the Maulers at least .5 of a point behind. Let the donnybrook begin!

AND NOW.......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!

Mao(2-6) vs. Dynasty(8-0):
Dat's Seahawks picked a lousy time to go on the bye. This game should come with a graphic violence, adult language and possible nudity parental warning. I can see some phatty ass getting reamed here, and not in the oh so fun way. Sean's epic quest for a sixth Title continues unabated as He leaves a trail of broken bodies and shattered dreams in His merciless wake. Oh the humanity. Can no one save us? Maybe some gay-ass Eternals? Dunno but it ain't looking good. At least Sean has been a mostly humble and benevolent Overlord in the past, not given to gaudy displays like oh I don't know HUGE FUCKING BANNERS or anything. We'll see if the Derrick Henry injury is Koo's Achille's heel.

Good luck to all and stay safe!

Trick or Treat!
Scribbles Snavely - 10/31/2021
Happy Halloween all! This is a fairly rough holiday for me, as my dearly departed was indeed a Witch and we celebrated the pagan tradition with gusto. It doesn't help to walk past the rows of cool Halloween stuff I would have loved to get for her. So far I made it through my shifts with only a few minor meltdowns. It is what it is.

To cheer myself up, I ordered some choice rock and roll cd's which showed up early yesterday which is quite the treat. I'll do a post in a day or so reviewing my haul, but I will do a quick spoiler and reveal that the big door prize is "UFO-The complete Studio Albums 1974-1986". OMFG. That will be the soundtrack for these Scribblings, and many more to come I am certain!

I think I can speak for FF owners in saying that so far, 2021 has been more Trick than Treat. Injuries and COVID protocols have made fielding a team each week a truly scary proposition. Note I did not say fielding a competitive team. No, just cobbling together one player of any level at each position has been harder than getting Terry Bradshaw to not act like a fucking idiot. Still Team Terry Hanratty.

I think at this point we should take a current look at how the Divisions are faring so far. Lots of spooky surprises!

Asgard:
For now, it appears that Asgard is a two-man tussle between the Gamblers and the Skulls. After losing to Keith in the first week, Jeremy went on a fearsome rampage and won four straight. They lead the Skulls by a game, but face the Invincible Koo while the Skulls have a seemingly easier go against the Thunder. Dave is hanging in there but he better start "goblin" up some wins!

Bifrost:
A meth smoking platypus could easily be doing this analysis, were he not on personal leave atm. There's Koo and a couple wannabes. As a Division, Bifrost has the same 11 wins that Asgard has but just like his entire K-12 career Sean is throwing off the curve and the rest of the kids hate him for it.

Midgard:
This has been the biggest surprise so far in the Season and is the most exciting Division to follow. Boasting 12.5 wins Midgard is playing with the big boys and winning. Joe holds a razor-thin edge over Stu & The Newb (soon to be a hit sitcom on FX). Nothing comes easily in this Division. The Centre and the Bass square off, which gives POSI a perfect opportunity to crush the flailing Champ and gain ground. This is good old fashioned smash mouth football they're playing in Midgard!

Hel:
It's the Puppy Bowl! Like a trio of brain-damaged Golden Retrievers these lovable little scamps warm everyone's hearts, especially their opponents as they hand out wins like Halloween candy. Mao gets the award for best bad team ever as they seem cursed. Might I suggest sacrificing a goat? Hey it's Halloween appropriate and so crazy it just might work. Side benefit- goat stew! Yum. At this point what have they got to lose? The Thunder have had a wacky year and just inexplicably allowed Billy to get his sole victory. Kent's goon squad has faded lately and need to repeat their Week 1 win over Mao for the sweep and to stay slightly in the lead.

Alright kids, that's the breakdown so we might as well go to the mutherfuckin' match-ups. I'm on a tight schedule as I still have LSD to slip into candy and razorblades to insrt into apples. All in good fun!

"Scary" Surt(2-5) vs. "Bloody" Bruins(3-4):
Mired in mediocrity, these teams seem unlikely to go very far, although the Bruins could still make a legit run for a Wild Card slot. This scintillating spectacle will be shown on The Ocho.

Medical "Torture" Centre(4-3) vs. Bass "Murderers"(4-2-1):
Co-GOTW here boys in the rough and tumble Midgard Division. Joe has swept his other Division rival the N(o)(o)b and has his sights set on Stu's resilient squad. The Center looked dead in the water after losing their first three games, but have responded by going on a four game winning streak. It all comes down to this. With a win and a couple juicy match-ups ahead Stu needs to take advantage before facing a pretty brutal schedule coming up. As usual, Joe is circling the wagons and coming out blazing. On a side note, where the fuck IS Felcher, NC anyway and why would you live there? Low property taxes I must assume. Great game here!

"Reaving" Maulers(3-3-1) vs. Maosochistic "Tendencies"(1-6)(Yea that was a reach):
The Maulers are driving this clown car of a Division and anyone unlucky enough to have ridden while Kent was driving can tell you how truly terrifying that is. He WILL drive the wrong way down the highway to get to the fucking Awful House, dammit! Poor Mao really is the Red Shirt minority on the Away Team, although I do want to commend him on his constantly improving English. Good job Dat! The scary thing is that one of these chuckleheads from the Hel Division will get a Play-Off berth. Boo!

Blast "Zone Of Death"(1-6) vs. POSItively "Terrifying" SCHEME(4-3):
Billy's season has been eaten by zombies. Not much to see except the grisly entrails and shattered dreams of a reigning Champion's attempt to repeat gone horribly wrong. Meanwhile the newb has comported himself admirably and is in the thick of it in Midgard. He needs to make hay while the sun is shining and his two rivals are busy slaughtering each other. Have a big bite of the Blast's remaining braaaaiiiiiiinnnnsssss! Everyone else has.

Thunder "Fuck of Doom"(3-4) vs. Skull "Island of Destruction"(4-3):
Another premium contest in the perennial Ice Bowl. Both teams are in second place in their Division and are coming off of tough losses. Here is where you gotta dig deep. Coffee is for closers, bitches. Eric already has 22 points on the board, so Keith has some serious catching up to do. This is a monster of a game!

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!

Dynasty "Of Horror"(7-0) vs. "Gobs Of Gore" Gamblers(5-2):
Sean is just .5 a game short of the entire Hel Division in wins. Really? Who let the Koo out? Jeremy is our last hope to keep Koo from totally rampaging through our ranks. You can do it, Gilligan. Show the Cap'n who's boss. These two teams have been scoring machines so this should be a shoot-out at the Not So OK Corral. The Gamblers boast two 100+ point showings, but on the other hand Koo has beaten all but one team by double digits and that was the Bruins in Week 3 that managed to get within 8. A horrorshow fer shure! Let the blood flow.....

GL and have a safe and spooky All Hallows Eve my ghoulish brethren.

That's Not Funny!
Scribbles Snavely - 10/24/2021
How is an NFL team like a box of chocolates? The pieces are mostly brown and easily damaged! ba-dum-bum.

That was a joke. Was it wildly funny? Nope. Could it be considered somewhat racist? Yup. Should I be banned from writing Scribbles because I told it? Hell no. I should be banned based on the hundreds of marginally funny jokes I've written over the years.

For a brief time, I got paid to do MC shifts at Charlie Goodnight's, an esteemed comedy club in Raleigh. I had taken a course in stand-up there which lead to doing amateur nights and eventually the paying gig. I learned a great deal and got a back-stage view of the world of professional comedy. The course was taught by Frank King, who had worked for many years as a stand-up. One thing he tried to dissuade us from was "working blue", meaning the use of profanity or explicit language. He took that position not because he was a prude, but because he felt it was a lazy way to get laughs. He pointed out that many of the top comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Jeff Foxworthy never worked blue and were very successful.
He also posited that it's a game of diminishing returns. The first time I heard Sarah Silverman say "vagina' I thought it was pretty fucking hilarious. It became less so each time afterwards. You risk becoming dependent on the shock value, and then must up the ante each time to get the same result. Think Sam Kinison. His first appearance on Letterman was amazingly funny and a bit shocking. He eventually devolved into stupid screaming hysterics that were just sad.

As many of you may be aware, there is currently a controversy over Dave Chappelle taking aim at the trans community in his latest Netflix specials. I watched "Sticks and Stones", the one preceding "The Closer" which has garnered so much attention. He does an overly long bit about the LGBTQ community. It's mildly amusing, but relies on time-worn tropes and an inherent ignorance of gay culture. The pay-off doesn't justify the set-up. Does he have the right to say those things? Sure. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you should, like giving Dick Cheney or Alec Baldwin a firearm. (TOO SOON!).

Angering the gay community in general and the trans folks in particular is a dicey proposition. For one thing, they will cut a bitch. More importantly, they represent a loud voice in society right now and in Hollywood especially. That degree of exposure has resulted in a huge increase in violence against them. The trans community has historically been the target of violence, and each year many trans folks are assaulted and even killed just for being who they are. Does that mean they should be immune from having jokes told about them. Nope. But here's the thing Frank King taught us. You have every right to tell a joke about Nazis raping quadriplegic nuns with Down's syndrome, but it had better be the funniest joke ever told to justify the subject matter. Chappelle fails to meet that standard.

So why do so? He is an amazingly funny guy and I love his stuff for the most part. The skit he did with Charlie Murphy about meeting Rick James might be the best comedy skit ever. Cocaine IS a helluva drug. He doesn't need to target an already vulnerable community to get attention. Unfortunately, he has painted himself into a corner and may have become addicted to the controversy itself. He seems to be relishing the role of villain here and is invoking the right wing boogey man of "cancel culture" whatever the fuck that is. Please dear God give me the superpower to cancel some culture. I have a list. There's no easy way out of the conundrum Chappelle has created for himself. He has alienated a large portion of his audience and exposed himself as being a homophobe despite his claims otherwise. Maybe this is a good time to disappear for a few years again. It worked before!

All right all you fudge-packing sausage-slurping he/she pro-nouning faggots...it's time to go to the goddamn sonuvabitch motherfucking Match-Ups! (That was for you, Frank!)

POSI SCHEME(3-3) vs. Black Surt(2-4):
The n(0)(0)B plays FF like he plays cornhole: with wild and erratic abandon and varying results. His Midgard Division is an evenly matched Battle Royale so he needs a win to avoid losing precious ground. POSI has benefited from having the least points scored against him, which is a damn good thing as he is second in putting up points. He leads only the non-existent Blast OF. Surt is no push-over despite falling to 2-4. Dave broke a 4 game losing streak last week, wholloping Billy soundly about the head and shoulders. That just scratches the surface of staying competitive in Asgard. We have a crucial match here.

Asgard Thunder(3-3) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(0-6):
The Blast have to find a way to get points on the board and break the slide. With Great Glory comes Great Expectations. Such is the heavy weight of the Crown. Upsetting the ferocious Thunder would be huge. The Thunder won a thrilling contest against the Bass last week. Thunder ownership seems to have recovered from Tie-Gate. However one must not assume that a seemingly insignificant speed bump isn't actually a deadly pothole! Or something.

Jotunheim Skullsplitters(4-2) vs. WRMC(3-3):
the "Ifuckyouinthe"Skullsplitters have lost 2 of the last 3 and were the most recent victim of Sean's reign of terror. Jotunheim faces the mercurial(heh heh) Medical Centre in a serious throw-down with much at stake for both clubs. Skull ownership's assertion of this being a "rebuilding" year was either a drunken declaration or keen ploy to disarm his foes. Stu has struggled in an entertaining number of ways but keeps bulldogging on. After eating two straight hundredburgers to start the season it's gotta get better, right? One of the the top games of the week for sure.

Roving Gamblers(4-2) vs. Chairman Mao(1-5):
Jeremy seems to have discovered some sort of FF Viagra and is invigorated after years of absent tumescence. Rumor has it he is also freebasing Rogaine but we have been unable to substantiate such allegations. Unlike the Blast, Mao's team is much better than their record indicates. Half of their losses were by 6 points or less, including the last two by four points each. My pick for upset of the week.

Burnsville Bruins(3-3) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(3-2-1):
I don't know what algorithm Keith's crack-smoking manatees use to determine GOTW, but this ain't it. Koo of the Week is more accurate, and if ya'll don't like it someone needs to step up and kick his large biracial ass. That said, this will be a great game between two solid teams that could go all the way. The Bruins are itching to claim another thrift store find, while Joe is sharing Jeremy's stash of FF ED meds. Both teams lost last week so this is key to regaining momentum for the rest of the long season.

AND NOW.........KOO OF THE WEEK!
(Told ya!)

Koo Dynasty(6-0) vs. Valhalla Maulers(3-2-1):
The mighty ruler of Bifrost accepts the challenge from Hel's provisionary Overlord as Division leaders meet on the blood-soaked battlefield. The biological phenomenon that is Tom Brady keeps rolling along, with Derrick Henry playing Jimmy Page to Brady's Plant as they head bang the rest of the League into the concrete. The rest of his line-up has been dinged pretty heavily, so it's up to the dynamic duo to carry the load. The Maulers bring their high-scoring offense in to face the team barely trailing them so look for the score-board to light up like a

To My Friends and Brothers
Scribbles Snavely - 10/17/2021
It has come to my attention that there is a great deal of discord within the League. I had certainly noticed the lack of participation on the boards and such. Even after speaking at length with several individuals, I do not feel as though I have a full understanding of all the particulars and I certainly do not feel empowered or qualified to make any pronouncements regarding who did or knew what or when. I will say this: I absolutely do not believe that anything was done out of malice or with ill intent. I would and to some extent have trusted each and every one of you with my life, and I'd gladly take a bullet any day for you fuckers, even the newb since he's my awesome cornhole partner. I am certain that these issues can be approached in a calm and understanding manner with love, forgiveness and grace in our hearts. Swearing fealty to friendship and brotherhood is easy when things are going well but far more difficult when mistakes are made and trust has been damaged but that is exactly when those bonds are needed most.

I love you guys just as I love Ragnarok. I have suffered too much loss already and I have no desire to see something so rare and precious be destroyed. I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep Ragnarok together, even if that means making painful decisions to do so. Actions and ill-advised inactions have consequences, especially when the health and safety of our families are involved. I totally get that. We all accepted that there was risk involved in gathering together in close proximity for the Draft. There was no attempt at social distancing or mask wearing. Due to my job situation, I am a high risk person to be around as are several others of us. I think we should be very wary of scapegoating anyone to assuage our own feelings of guilt or to appease our loved ones' rightful anger over this situation. We must all own our decisions and actions. Again, let us do so in light of the years of friendship we all claim to be sworn to. Forgiveness is as close to the Divine as we poor humble humans can get.

As much as I treasure the privilege of writing these Scribbles every week, I will not do so to an empty house. Our esteemed Commissioner devotes too much time and effort into just the basics of making this train run to do so if everyone isn't 100% present. Ragnarok is too fucking awesome to go out like a bunch of bitches. Let's figure this shit out and move on. That being said and hopefully not for the last time let's go to the mutherfuckin' Match-Ups!

Blast(0-5) vs. Surt(1-4):
No amount of lipstick is gonna make this swine purty. Apparently Machu Pichu is Aztec-ian for "We suck!". Please accept this laurel and hardy handshake with participation trophies for all!

Maulers(3-1-1) vs. Bruins(2-3):
The Bruins are currently enjoying the cabbage and soy sauce infused fumes from Koo's tailpipe, while the Maulers own a 1.5 point lead in Hel. This should be a close and entertaining game with a lot on the line for both clubs.

Gamblers(4-1) vs. WRMC(2-3):
While Koo vs. Skulls may be the big-money PPV event of the week, this one is for the middleweight belt on the undercard. Featuring the #1 and #2 Power Ranked teams this battle will be brutal. The research minions here at G.A.S.L.I.T.E. were far too stoned to determine whether the Centre are the highest PR'ed team with the worst record in the history of ever but we strongly suspect that is the case. The Gamblers are waging a heroic war in Asgard against the evil-doing ManBearDogPigBirdPerson worshipers and they are doing it wearing a vintage 70's bowling shirt with ruffles and high-heel bowling shoes. He's gonna have a hard time sliding in those Pepper.

Bass(3-1-1) vs. Thunder(2-3):
The Bass and Maulers are near mirror images with the same record and also 1.5 point leads in their Division. The Bassaloes bent the newb over and did him til he cried please and thank you last week but they face a more formidable foe in the Thunder who are demanding a forensic Cyberninja audit of last week's scoring against the Maulers. Plenty of intrigue here so watch this space. Or not.

SCHEME(2-3) vs. Mao(1-4):
Welcome to the Basement Bowl! Left over pizza and flat beer are available on the buffet bar. The former no0B faces the current freshman in a bare-palms slap fest. Will Mao give POSI a happy ending? Inquiring minds want to know.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!
(insrt piped-in applause and wild cheering, provided by Shreddum Inc. the NFL's official e-mail and document destroying partner)

The Mightily Muscular and Undefeated Koo(5 and fucking 0) vs. The Grinning Skulls of Doom and Destruction(4-1):
Once long ago in a Galaxy thankfully far away....yadda yadda SCIFI nerdspeak and geekgasm stuff you know the drill. When the Gods clash, we mere mortals cower and shelter in place until the carnage subsides. This one never gets old, but this reporter does feel compelled to mention that neither owner has claimed a Trophy in a fair while. Glory is fleeting and dominance must be re-imposed or face the slow fade into the shadows. Better to burn out than it is to rust. Champions Arise!

Good luck Friends and Brothers.

My How Time Flies!
Scribbles Snavely - 10/10/2021
Wow. We are already four games deep into the season. These weeks seem to be speeding by faster than I recall other ones doing. Maybe it's the year lay-off or most likely this reporter is just getting older and more aware of Time's merciless trajectory. The League is beginning to define itself, so let's take a gander at the Divisional shakedowns so far.

Asgard: The Mighty Asgardians lead the League with 7 wins, but there isn't much separation overall between the four Divisions. Bifrost is second with 6 and Hel and Midgard each have 5.5 wins. Things are tighter than Jeremy's change purse. To add to the fun, every Division features a head-to-head this week. The Skulls and the Gamblers are tied with 3-1 records, and each faces a less than fearsome opponent. Black Surt goes up against the Gamblers in a fight to stay relevant in Asgard. It ain't easy staying on top unless yer a 300lb hooker.

Bifrost: Here in Bifrost, perennial badass Koo is teaching the young'ins how Tough it is to remain a Champion. Sounds like a K-Pop band: Koo-minus2. The only undefeated team remaining is sitting pretty with his nearest rival being the Bruins at 2-2. He has beaten both Division mates already as well. All Billy can hope for is to get all his eggs back in the one basket he has.

Midgard: The Bass have a razor-thin half point lead over the newb. The Center broke their losing streak last week so this Division is highly competitive. Joe beat the n(.)(.)b in Week 2 and can sweep him this week. Lots to watch here.

Hel: The fires of Damnation burn fiercely in the Underworld, as the Maulers and the Thunder tussle for dominance. They have taken turns beating up on poor Mao and now they go head to head. Here's one for the ages!

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for the fucking Match-Ups!

Black Surt(1-3) vs. Roving Gamblers(3-1):
Truly a must win for Dave this week to have any chance of keeping abreast in the Division.
Since a Week 1 squeaker, not much has gone well for Surt. He is hoping to not repeat the drubbing he just took from Jeremy two weeks ago. The Gamblers have feasted on the bounty of weak opponents the schedule Gods have bestowed upon them. Yum!

Koo Dynasty(4-0) vs. Machu Pichu Blast(0-4):
Ouch. This could be as ugly as a celebrity BKF match. It's been a full five years since Koo took a trophy so he may be due. Will Billy play the spoiler or just another speed-bump?

WRMC(1-3) vs. Burnsville Bruins(2-2):
This intra-Divisional game finds two teams right in the middle of attempting to break through. The Bruins heroically ended Keith's winning streak and have a ton of momentum from that win. Stu is finally in the plus column and also riding a wave of good vibes. This is a sneakily important game for two franchises that can still make a run.

Newbiebutt(2-2) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(2-1-1):
Rematch of the Week 2 Midgard showdown. The Bass whupped Mr. Straws fairly soundly, and have been impressive to date. Could Joe be awakening after a 17 year slumber? The SCHEME regained their footing last week by trouncing the Maulers. This is the type of game that can make or break a season. We are all curious to see just what this interloper is made of.

Jotunheim Skullsplitters(3-1) vs. Chairman Mao(1-3):
Like a dazed and wounded alien Sasquatch staggering from the site of his crash-landed UFO,
the Skulls are still reeling from the upset they suffered last week at the paws of a verifiable predator- The Bruins! Rawr! Mao needs to take advantage of Keith's weakened state and drop him into a punji-stick filled trap. This will be fun to watch.

AND NOW.....GAME OF THE WEEK!

Valhalla Maulers(2-1-1) vs. Asgard Thunder(2-2):
The Maulers are not going in the right direction, with a tie and a loss in their last two outings. The shame of losing to the fucking newb shan't fade anytime soon. Eric lost to Stu in a high-scoring slugfest last week and now face their Division rival. Time to dig deep warriors and show yer true mettle. Hel ain't fer weaklings.

GL to all and oh BTW a giant FUCK YOU to the NFL for continuing the ridiculous traditions of the asshole Thursday night games and the pointless treks to London to play in front of a bunch of pasty-faced fish'n'chips munching Brexiters that come out to witness a quaint freakshow put on by the Colonists that they actually don't give a fuck about. WTG Goodell. Thanks for coming up for air outta Kraft and Jones' crotches long enough to subject us to this stupidity.

S.N.A.F.U.
Scribbles Snavely - 10/3/2021
Predicting Death Doom and Destruction is akin to shooting at Grizzly bears with a BB gun. You don't really wanna be on the mark. That has not deterred humans from doing so, and everything from angry deities to pissed off volcanoes and even the Sun itself has been accused as culprits in mankind's demise. I suppose each generation generates(huh?) it's own version of Doomsday scenarios based on whatever horribleness is going on around them. The sad truth is that there has been an inexhaustible source of horror and tragedy throughout history to validate those fears.

Against all odds and through little intelligent effort on our part, the human species stubbornly continues to survive. Despite oblivion lurking around every corner we persist. So are we currently "Going to Hell in a Handbasket" as some are saying? First of all the only people who remember what the fuck a handbasket is are so old all they care about is some pudding and a nap. I decided to unleash the mighty resources of my research team here at the vast complex known as the G.lass A.sylum S.cientific L.eague of I.nfo-T.echnology E.xistentialism. I posed the simple question: Are we well and truly fucked? After weeks of tediously poring over mountains of data from reliable sources such as TikBook and InstaFace the lab ferrets determined that we are actually headed to hell in a titanium encased high speed bullet train fueled by the methane extracted from human bullshit. Hey at least it's a renewal resource!

Well there ya have it. Game over, man! Climate changing alien bigfeet funded by George Soros and the ghost of Walt Disney are going to kill us all. Democracy is fucked and old white men are winning the war to decide what happens in womens' uteruses. Critical Race Theory is indoctrinating your children into believing the ridiculous notion that white people did bad things.

That said, why should we bother to go on? I assume that for those of you with kids the answer is obvious. The folks from Minnesota defy death just by checking the mail in the morning so that's a no-brainer. As for this reporter, that is something I have pondered rather extensively this last yearish considering my circumstances. What has gotten me to this point and will carry me on moving forward? Sex drugs and Rock'n'Roll my friends. Yup, the mantra of my teen years in the 70's has withstood the test of time. Just Say No damn sure didn't help. I go to work, savagely monger some hapless cheese then come home to a randomly selected cd from the 800+ in my collection, fire up a bowl and hit the internet looking for some salacious midget and pony pR0n. I dare you to Google that. It's a simple life, but one I am proud of and probably trapped in regardless. Hey, whatever gets us through the night, right?

Let's go to the Match-Ups!

Bruins(1-2) vs. Skulls(3-0):
Everything seems to be rosy for the Skullshitters so far. They are undefeated and second in scoring behind the Maulers. They also have had the fewest points against by a wide margin. They face the second worst offense in the Bruins so I'm guessing Keith is kicked back with a big ol' bowl and a tasty Sierra Nevada. Recent Champion Zach is struggling, along with the current Champ as well.

Blast(0-3) vs. Gamblers(2-1):
Billy has a shitshow going on after getting trounced by Sean and Keith. If we had a QB3 system where he could combine the stats of his (3?) mediocre bums he might be ok. The loss of McCaffery has been fatal. Jeremy is battling to keep up with the Skulls in Asgard. He lost to them in Week 1 but has responded with two straight wins. A third seems likely.

Surt(1-2) vs. Dynasty(3-0):
Dave lost in a shoot-out with Jeremy last week, but the good news is he broke the 53 point mark. He faces the Mighty Koo who has beaten every opponent by double digits. One senses that Sean is not amused by being booted out of Asgard and having to compete against mere mortals. So long as Brady doesn't decide to just draw SS and retire it's looking dire for the rest of us.

Thunder(2-1) vs. WRMC(0-3):
Next to Asgard, Hel is the most competitive Division so far. Eric trails the Maulers by a mere half of a win. After dropping one to Sean in Week 1 Eric has won twice, including a drubbing of Division rival Dat in Week 2. Stu is yet to see the endzone with a big ol' donut on the scoreboard. A win here could begin to salvage a season for him.

Bass(1-1-1) vs. Mao(1-2):
The Midgard Division is frankly pathetic, managing a meager 2 wins and a tie amongst the three teams. The Bass are at least showing steady improvement and could easily take the Division with seemingly little effort. Getting swept in your Division the first two weeks is not a good start, but Dat got on the plus side with a win last week over Stu. This should be a decent match against two squads that have a good chance to gain momentum.

And NOWWWW! GAME OF THE WEEEEEEEK!!!

Maulers(2-0-1) vs. The Newb(1-2):
Despite having to shuffle their line-up like a shady BlackJack dealer the Maulers have somehow shocked the League by scoring the most points and going nearly undefeated. Dominance in Hel has always been Kent's ultimate goal. Unconfirmed reports claim that after his massive 100 point debut, Mr. Twostraws was observed smirking and self-congratulating all over the place. He was even quoted as saying "These Ragnarok guys don't seem so tough!". Oh but look at him now! He is 1-2 in the sorriest Division. Welcome to the Show, Jr. He needs to nail this win against the top-scoring Maulers if he wants to taste glory again.

GL to all and stay safe. Love y'all!

Week 3's a Charm?
Scribbles Snavely - 9/26/2021
The capricious Sorting Hat that is Fantasy Football has begun to shake out an early sense of how the League is shaping up. We have three undefeated teams and three winless teams. The rest of the League is 1-1. That sounds about right. The big news is the status of the Champ's star RB McCaffrey. Like most teams, the Blast have little RB depth. They can't afford another season of unpredictable starts from Big Mac.

Week Two saw an explosion of scoring, with four teams hitting the 90+ mark, including 2 100 pointers. That will be an exciting trend if it continues. I am sure not many of us would have predicted that Patrick Mahomes would be 4th on the QB scoring list, behind...umm....Sam Darnold? Really? Ok then. The youngster Kyler Murray is off to a fast start, but it is a long season. Tom Brady is still Tom Brady and fucks Gisele Bundchen on a presumably regular basis. Sucks to be everyone else.
That said, let's go to the Match-ups!

Roving Gamblers(1-1) vs. Black Surt(1-1):
More Asgard shenanigans ensue, as Jeremy and Dave strive to keep pace with the Skulls. The strategy for the Gamblers is simple(always a good thing for Jeremy!): Score 54 points. That's it. The Surt have scored exactly 53 points in both of their games and that appears to be the ceiling, but hopefully not the roof.

Jotunheim Skullsplitters(2-0) vs. The Champ(0-2):
Reigning Champions the Blast are not off to an auspicious start to their defense of the Title. The Dynasty beat them rather soundly last week and Keith is on a roll. Time to dig deep in THE BLAST ZONE!!!!!! The Skulls are sittin' pretty in first place of Asgard, and need to pick up the easy spare to stay ahead of the Gamblers and the Surt.

Koo Dynasty(2-0) vs. Burnsville Bruins(1-1):
The Dynasty have been an offensive juggernaut, and are the second-highest scoring team behind the surprising Maulers. Led by Tom "Methuselah" Brady they put up the 1 Double Donuts last week and can cement their dominance in the Bi-Frost by beating Zach this week. The Bruins are struggling to put points on the board, and even Mahomes has been somewhat underwhelming. This is the chance to put things right so they better be TOUGH!

Chairman Mao(0-2) vs. WRMC(0-2):
Two bad teams doing bad things together. Someone gets their first W so that's a good thing. Stu seems to be on the right track with a 90 point game against the Maulers. A win here would be a nice birthday present!

POSI SCHEME(1-1) vs. Asgard Thunder(1-1):
Here we have a very intriguing match-up featuring two high-powered offenses. POSI made a splashy debut in Week 1, but as the Champ noted to this reporter, teams typically falter after posting a hundredburger which the SCHEME predictably did. Eric began the season with a humbling loss to Koo, and responded by delivering a 35 point ass-whuppin' to Dat last week. This game is too tight to guess, but should be a great one to watch.

AND NOW......GAME OF THE WEEEEEEEEEK!!!!

Valhalla Maulers(2-0) vs. Fowl Mouth Bass(1-1):
Outta nowhere comes the small yet mighty Maulers who lead the League in scoring and posted double digit wins in both games so far. The last time the Maulers broke the 100 point barrier was Week 3 of 2015 against the Gamblers. Kyler (I'm not having sex with you Skyler) Murray has been on fire, but the rest of the roster has been solid as well with over half the starters last week scoring 10+ points. Who knows how long this improbable aberration can last and if their RB2s will keep dropping like Spinal Tap drummers. Joe has had middlin' success so far, losing a lowbie squeaker to Dave the first week and looking much improved over POSI last week. As the Bills go, so goes the Bass as it should be. Joe is surely the Homer G.O.A.T.

Stay safe and be well. Good luck to All!

Brokeback Fantasy Football Draft Weekend Superspreader Jamboree Recap
Scribbles Snavely - 9/19/2021
Two years have passed since last this reporter sat down to write these scribbles. Much has transpired and I think it is safe to say that no-one's lives are the same. Desperate to return to some sense of normalcy and to reconnect with each other Ragnarok once again convened, this time in Blowing Cock NC. Tests were taken and it was assumed we had followed proper precautions. That was in retrospect perhaps not wise, like many of our draft picks. We can second guess this forty ways from Sunday, but in the end I'd still take the risk, provided no one gets seriously ill or infects their family. And that boys and Newbs is the new fucking normal.

As usual, we feasted on many toothsome delights. The Bass camp provided a yummy lasagna. Billy made an excellent mango salsa and invented tortommelettes. The Maulers brought slow-cooked pork with Western NC BBQ sauce and Sean and Jeremy continued the pancake breakfast tradition. Cudos to all.

Ragnarok welcomed a new Owner, thus relieving Dat of Newb status after seven long years.
Tommy Two-Straws proved to be a fairly decent sort and quite the threat at cornhole, where he employs the Burnsville spinny thing delivery style to devastating effect. It looks kinda like when Starro the Conqueror spews his armpit babies. Tommy is a true WFT fan, unlike Stu's patronage of geographical convenience. Speaking of our Theramin playing compatriot, Stu was only able to enjoy a truncated visit, but I believe we all agree that his time was well spent.

The Cornhole Tournament came down to Kent & The Newb against the Wonder Twins(Sean & Jeremy). It was an intense match that concluded with Sean's called walk-off homer. Truly amazing. The poker tournament was won by Keith "Bigfoot" Mickelson, who employed an ingenious strategy of spilling beer on his sucky hole cards and sneakily substituting them for pocket aces during the clean-up scramble. Billy's devastatingly delicious Pain Killers may have resulted in a few of the week-ends fumbles and foibles.

The State of the League introduced a fun game based on the Thunder's 20 Years of Sucking. In fairness I think I should point out that Eric does own a Ragnarok trophy, which several owners cannot claim. That trophy was acquired back when you could still knock the crap out of QBs and defenses won Championships but still. There was quite a bit of trading, but the Fucking Lockbox was strangely underemployed. The Draft also clocked in at a brisk seven or so hours without feeling at all rushed. Perhaps the two year lay-off contributed to the pace. Everyone seemed fairly pleased with their team, even the uncharacteristically sober Kent who nursed skunky NA beer and gobbled down gummies throughout the proceedings. All in all this was a rousing success. As an added bonus, Tin Foil Hat Guy treated us to a not at all overlong multimedia diatribe on the existence of Sasquatch featuring grainy footage, colorful charts and truly creepy audio recordings. When it comes to Aliens, the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfootsies and Jesus this reporter hews to a strict "Show Me the Body" burden of proof. Next years presentation: "Chupacabras- They're Real and coming for Your Goats!"

And now at long last- The Match-Ups!

GAME OF THE WEEK!!!
Black Surt(1-0) vs. Skullsplitters(1-0):
Battle for Asgard Supremacy! The Skulls are aiming for an early sweep of Asgard after defeating the Gamblers rather handily in Week 1. Surt barely limped away with a one-point win over the Bass, and will need more than 53 points to take down Keith. One for the ages!

Bruins(1-0) vs. Gamblers(0-1):
The Bruins turned in a solid showing against the Blast and are tied with the Dynasty atop the Bifrost Division. Jeremy's sad lil Gamblers got spanked. (Thank you Sir may I have another?!) When Matthew Stafford is the highest scoring player on your team, you are in deep poopy. We shall see if he can redeem himself this week.

Blast(0-1) vs. Dynasty(1-0):
Billy's Blast was painfully mediocre last week, led by an underperforming Christian McCaffery. An incredibly ancient Tom Brady looked pretty fucking spry and carried the Dynasty to a win in Week One. The Blast could be in trouble if Tommy-Boy's hips hold up!

Bass(0-1) vs. POSI SCHEME(1-0):
Joe four-putted his way to an anemic Week 1 loss and has Stu to thank for not being the lowest scoring team along with Billy. Turning things around will certainly not be easy, as he faces the amazing Newb. As Tommy's previous partners have pointedly pronounced, cumming out huge right off the bat isn't necessarily a good thing. Ragnarok is a long, toilsome trek, not a flashy 100 yard dash. That said, 104 points in your debut is a fucking righteous way to introduce yerself. Alone atop the Midgard Division is a sweet start.

WRMC(0-1) vs. Maulers(1-0):
News from the Front Office of the Center claims that a lack of ability to prepare resulted in the lowest scoring performance of Week 1. Now that things have settled down, we will see if Stu can get on track. He faces a daunting task against the oddly impressive Maulers who beat Mao in one of the most competitive games last week. If this continues, someone might have to slip vodka into his cornflakes. Kent is first in Hel, but you don't get to be Satan that easily!

Thunder(0-1) vs. Mao(0-1):
Typically a game featuring two winless teams doesn't sound that intriguing, but these teams played well last week and could easily have been victorious. This Battle for Hel should be a great one to watch!

It's great to be back. Good luck to all and be safe!