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Gardenias Outlaw Player Ass Pat, Owner Excluded |
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Fighting Gardenias
Ball Carrier
10 posts
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Posted - 10/6/2008 8:30:54 PM |
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Gardenias Outlaw Player Ass Pat, Owner Excluded
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Team owner announced today that all player-on-player ass pats are to stop immediately. “While it’s true we all like to celebrate players achievements, I feel we can lead the league in coming up with something less gay”, says Joneth.
While trying to refrain for slew of Tight End jokes, Antioch College Intern and feminist, Gloria Ironbox, had this to say; “I was asked to create a detailed spreadsheet outlining the gayness of position-to-position ass patting. What we found was that it was not so gay for a QB to ass pat a WR, but Kicker on Kicker ass pats were totally gay. Like the gayest.” Joneth’s plan allows for players to submit ass pat requests in writing prior to the event. Once approval is received from the ass patee, who must attend a 4 day seminar on sexual harassment in the workplace, the request is forwarded to Joneth’s desk for final say.
“I fear a slippery slope,” Joneth says as laughs permeate the press room, “I cannot sit by idly while unauthorized and possibly gay ass pats occur week after week.” She continues, “As I see it, as long as they are on my payroll, their asses are mine and therefore only I should reserve the right to slap ass as needed.
Ironbox added the need to apply this rule to cheerleaders and good looking female fans as well. |
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David L.
Football Freak
529 posts
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Fu: 99.57 |
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Posted - 10/11/2008 1:40:58 PM |
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Easy targets
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| I'm sure that John Hand and John David Booty will be happy to hear this news. |
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